Aidy Bryant
Mr. Barbizar… Bowen Yang
Mrs. barbizar… Ego Nwodim
Ninnie… Selena Gomez
[Starts with Aidy at the stage of college]Aidy: Okay, seniors give it up for your mascot, Sal the Spooked Horse.
[Sal the spooked horse walks in and jumps around] [cheers ad applause] [Sal the spooked horse walks out]Now, the guidance counselor’s wanted to give some advice before graduation season. So please welcome Mr. And Mrs. Barbizar.
[Mr. and Mrs. Barbizar walk in]Mr. and Mrs. Barbizar: Hi, hi.
Mrs. Barbizar: Good morning. What an honor to address the old dirty bastard High School Class of 2022.
Mr. Barbizar: We are so proud of you. But a lot of you may be unsure what to do after high school. There are so many career paths.
Mrs. Barbizar: It’s hard to know what you like or what you’re good at.
Mr. Barbizar: So our advice to everyone is…
Mr and Mrs. Barbizar: Model.
Mrs. Barbizar: Get into modeling.
Chris: Sorry, are you saying we should be models after we graduate?
Mrs. Barbizar: Yes, exactly. Model.
Mr. Barbizar: Our advice to students is model.
Mrs. Barbizar: Because in this moment, you’re the youngest you’ll ever be and you just missed it up.
Mr. Barbizar: Yap, maybe it’ll help if an ODB alum comes out and talks about her experience modeling.
Mrs. Barbizar: You guys want that?
Mr. Barbizar: Yeah, you do.
Mrs. Barbizar: Okay, please welcome spokesperson for modeling from the class of 2017, Ninnie Sips.
Mr. Barbizar: Ninnie.
[Ninnie walks in]Ninnie: Wow. Thank you so much for having me. When I was in high school, the one thing I wished someone told me was model.
Mr. Barbizar: See?
Mrs. Barbizar: Model.
Ninnie: And now I’m proud to say I’m the first person in my family to not go to college.
Mrs. Barbizar: Congratulations. Ninnie, the time has come. Let’s show them how to do 80 poses and five seconds..
Mr. Barbizar: Hit the track. [music playing and all three of them do different poses] Wow, that was amazing.
Mrs. Barbizar: Work!
Ninnie: Any questions?
Chris: Hi. Yeah, I’m really good at math and I really love math. And I always wanted to be an accountant. Do I have to be a model?
Mrs. Barbizar: You don’t have to, but let me ask you this. Do you want to live in Paris or Syracuse?
Ninnie: Do you want to work at H&M or H in our block?
Mr. Barbizar: Do you want to do Leonardo DiCaprio or do taxes with someone named Leon did nothing? How tall are you?
Melissa: 5’6″.
Mr. Barbizar: Keep working on that?
Mrs. Barbizar: Be taller.
Ninnie: You, I like your look. How old are you?
Chloe: 17.
Ninnie: That’s perfect, stay that age forever.
Mr. Barbizar: Ninnie, let’s show them 100 faces in five seconds. Go.
[music playing and all three of them do different faces]Wow.
Mrs. Barbizar: That was amazing. That was modeling.
Melissa: Wait, are you guys models? Do you have modeling experience?
Ninnie: Yes. On my flight here, someone was choking and people were asking if there was a model on the plane. So I modeled. And that was the last thing he saw.
Mr. Barbizar: That’s amazing. So what do you say kids? Wanna come with us on model all over the world?
Chloe: Yes!
Kyle: I’m gonna be model.
Melissa: Me too.
Ninnie: Good, so let’s start. Everyone do 10,000 poses in 1 million seconds.
All three: Music.
[music playing] [all of the students are doing poses]