Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 1: Episode 3







75c: Rob Reiner

Middle American Van Lines

[ open on exterior shot of two-story suburban house, as two movers walk up the concrete steps to the front door. Their van is parked in the foreground. ]

[ the movers ring the doorbell; housewive opens the door and lets them in ]

Announcer: You're moving. Saying godbye to old friends. Looking forward to making new ones.

[ Housewife sentmimentally rubs her hand on a curio cabinet ]

Announcer: It's not always easy to leave a place you love. We understand. That's why we take good care of the things you care for most.

[ Mover enters room, where a man sits in a rocking chair. The mover carefully picks the man up and carries him across the room and to the front door. ]

Announcer: At Middle American Van Lines, we believe in doing things right.

[ the Mover carefully adjusts the length of the man before carrying him through the threshold of the door ]

Announcer: We treat everything that belongs to you, just as though it belonged to us.

[ another pair of movers carry a second down the stairs ]

Announcer: We give your most prized possessions the attention they deserve.

[ Mover throws a dropcloth over the Housewife, then carries her out of the room ]

[ cut to the action at the van - family members propped up against the side of the van, as the movers place them inside one at a time ]

Announcer: And we make sure your entire household reaches its destination in one piece.

[ the Movers close and lock the van doors, then the van drives away ]

Announcer: At Middle American Van Lines, we don't move furniture --

[ close-up of sidewalk - a teddy bear that was left behind ]

Announcer: -- we move people.

[ fade ]


SNL Transcripts