Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 4: Episode 15






78o: Margot Kidder / The Chieftains

Doyle's Tavern

Dick Lankey.....Bill Murray
Caller #1.....Gilda Radner
Bob Gallagher.....Dan Aykroyd
Caller #2.....Jane Curtin
Ghost of Jimmy Hoffa.....John Belushi

[ open on title card for faux NBC programing ]

Don Pardo V/O: "Little Women & Big Basketball Players" will not be seen tonight, so that NBC may present the following special program.

[ dissolve to interior, Doyle's Tavern during a live WGN Radio remote ]

Musical Recording: "You're never gonna see no uuuuuun-iiiii-corrrrrrrrrn!"

Dick Lankey: We're back. That was the "Unicorn Song" by the Irish Rovers, and this is Dick Lankey, WGN Radio, we're a Clear Channel station. And we're on remote from Doyle's Tavern, on the corner of North Ave. and Halstead, where the late Mayor Richard J. Daley is expected to reappear.. just like he did last St. Patrick's Day. Uh.. congratulations has gotta go out to those DePaul Blue Demons and Coach Ray Meyer - God bless you, you know St. Patrick was looking down on you, Ray Meyer! We got somebody on the line right now - who am I speaking to, please?

Caller #1: Uh.. Pam Corinsi from Elmhurst.

Dick Lankey: You have a question.. for Mayor Richard J. Daly, Pam?

Caller #1: Uh, yeah.. I wanted to ask Mayor Daley how he would have handled our heavy snowfall problem.

Dick Lankey: Now, we have had that question, uh.. you probably didn't hear that, somebody mentioned it before. We're definitely gonna be asking about the snow poblem for sure. Thanks for calling! [ hangs up ] You got a question you'd like to ask Mayor Daley, here are some of the questions we've gotten already that people want to know: "What is it like to be dead?" Good question! "When is the war in Ireland gonna be settled, when are we gonna get peace over there?" "Are there snsets in Heaven?" Hmm.. interesting.. Call in your question! 5-5-5 1-0-1-0, that's our number! With me is Bob Gallagher! Who, uh.. was one of the lucky people who was here when the Mayor appeared last year. Bob, do you think he'll be back?

Bob Gallagher: Uh.. I'm, uh.. pretty sure he will be. I've heard reports, a lot of people claim they saw him, uh.. plain ax day walking down State Street after the parade.. Uh, I'll bet he'll probably be dropping by here soon. We've got all his favorite tunes on the jukebox.

Dick Lankey: Mmm-hmm.. Well, what do you think about the questions that we've got for him? Do you think he'll mind answering a few questions?

Bob Gallagher: Ah, I don't think so.. he was real friendly last year.

Dick Lankey: Well, would you mind telling everybody at home just exactly what happened last year?

Bob Gallagher: O-okay, uh.. my friend and me were standing right over near the bar, talking about the Mayor.. and, all of a sudden, there was this puff of green smoke, and there he was. He stood right over there next to the jukebox, and he was holding a turkey under his arm, and he left.. he left it right here. It was a 10-pound Butterball, it was delicious!

Dick Lankey: What do you think is the best question we've got for him so far?

Bob Gallagher: Well, personally, I like to one that wants to know if he ever met Abraham Lincoln up in Heaven. I'd like to ask him that myself!

Dick Lankey: Alright, you got a question for Mayor Daley? 5-5-5 1-0-1-0. That's the number, we're waiting for your calls here! come on, let's hear from you! [ reads off trivia items while waiting for the phones to ring ] Sir Monteract III is 42 today. And on this day in 1910, the Campfire Girls of America was founded in Lake Sebago, Maine - what do ya think about that? [ a call finally comes through ] Here's a call! Hello! Dick Lankey!

Caller #2: Dick?

Dick Lankey: That's right - Dick Lankey, WGN! Who am I speaking with?

Caller #2: Dick, this is Jane Byrne.

Dick Lankey: Not Mayor-Elect-almost Jane Byrne, is that who?

Caller #2: That's me, Dick! I was hoping I could be there to greet the Mayor personally, but I'm busy celebrating my second wedding anniversary.

Dick Lankey: [ chuckling ] Well, congratulations, Jane! Have you got a question for Mayor Daley?

Caller #2: Yeah. Yeah.. I-I'd like to ask him.. if I could get the Democratic Party to have the 1980 Convention here, would he promise not to show up?

Dick Lankey: Ahhhhh! [ hangs up on the caller ] Another crank call! I guess we're gonna have to expect those. It's really too bad it has to happen on St. Patrick's Day. Who's got a question for Mayor Daley? 5-5-5 1-0-1-0! Bob, you're looking at your watch - what time have we got?

Bob Gallagher: Ah, it's almost 10:30..

Dick Lankey: 10:30.

Bob Gallagher: That's about the time he came here last year.

Dick Lankey: Ooh, brother..

Bob Gallagher: He walked in right through that door.

[ spiritual music pots up, as smoke clouds rise through the bar ]

Bob Gallagher: It's him! This is it! This is it! It's the Mayor!

[ it's not Mayor Daley. Through the smoke, the ghost of Jimmy Hoffa appears ]

Bob Gallagher: I-it's not the Mayor, it's.. it's.. Jimmy Hoffa..

Ghost of Jimmy Hoffa: I'm sorry Mayor Daley could not be here - he's still in purgatory, and he sends his best! But there is something I.. would like to say. "Live, from New York, it's Saturday Night!"


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