Caracci's Pizza

Caracci Cashier.....Kevin Nealon
Caracci Chef.....Rob Smigel
Caracci Cook.....Tim Robbins
Caracci Sauce Boy.....Adam Sandler
Caracci Sweeper.....Rob Schneider



Caracci Cashier: People in this town argue about a lot of things. But there's no argument about the best pizza - Caracci's. At Caracci's Pizza, we never drop a pizza on the dirty floor, pick it back up and serve it to you like it never happened. Bu-u-ut, by some chance, let's say you did catch one of us dropping a pizza on the dirty floor and selling it to you..

Caracci Chef: You get half off-a da pizza!

Caracci Cook: [ taking pizza out of the oven ] That's right! Half-price for Caracci's hot, delicious pizza! You know, at Caracci's, we pride ourselves on never spitting on a pizza, just because we're a little mad at the customer, or something? No spit at all! But let's say, for some strange reason, you caught one of our workers spitting on your pizza, even just a little..

Caracci Chef: You get half off-a da pizza!

Caracci Sauce Boy: Caracci's Pizza has rich tomato sauce and chewy cheese and so many toppings to choose from. You know, I can honestly say, at Caracci's Pizza, you're never gonna find a big footprint on any of the pizzas we serve. None of our workers ever step on your pizza. Bu-u-ut, let's just say if by accident one of the guy's who cleans the kitchen steps on your pizza with his-a big black boot, and you notice a footprint..

Caracci Chef: You get half off-a da pizza!

Caracci Sweeper: Half-off! Not bad for such good-tasting pizza! You know, at Caracci's Pizza, we've got absolutely no rats or squirrels in the kitchen running around, jumping on the pizza and going to the bathroom all over them. Not in Caracci's kitchen! But, let's just say, on a particular day, you do happen to see a big rat running around the kitchen, and none of us can catch him because he's so quick and slippery, and he does go a little bathroom on your pizza..

Caracci Chef: You get half off-a da pizza!

Caracci Cashier: And for this month only, if you find some fingernails, hair, band-aids, or any pieces of metal on your pizza..

Caracci Chef: You get half off-a da pizza!

Caracci Cashier: Caracci's Pizza. No droppings.

Caracci Cook: No spitting.

Caracci Sauce Boy: No footprints.

Caracci Sweeper: No squirrel crap.

Caracci Cashier: And no African-American delivery boys, or..

Caracci Chef: You get half off-a da pizza!

Full Staff: [ putting their hands on one of the pizzas ] That's the Caracci's Promise!

[ fade ]


SNL Transcripts