SNL Transcripts: Paul Rudd: 11/15/08: Songwriters Showcase



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 34: Episode 8








08h: Paul Rudd / Beyonce

Songwriters Showcase

Leonard Pinkins Adkins…..Kenan Thompson
Emcee…..Will Forte
Tonya Peoples…..Kristen Wiig
Ton Peoples…..Paul Rudd

Leonard Pinkins Adkins: [ singing ] “Baby please, won’t you leave the lights on, leave the lights on.”

Emcee: Ah, Leonard Pinkins Adkins with “Leave The Light On”. Woo! So much emotion in that song. I hope you all are enjoying tonights Songwriters Showcase. Leonard, can you tell us what inspired you to write “Leave The Light On”?

Leonard Pinkins Adkins: Well, ah, my wife’s insecure because she’s gotten a little fat. I want her to leave the light on so I can check it out, and if it’s really gotten out of hand, I’m gonna tell her she needs to do something about it.

Emcee: Well, sometimes you need to hear it from someone you love. You know I used to weigh 400 pounds and my wife said “Baby, you need to lose the weight for you!” and that was the last thing she said because then I rolled over on her and she died. I’m teasin’, she left me. Thanks, Leonard.

Leonard Pinkins Adkins: Thank you.

Emcee: Alright, our next songwriters are a husband and wife teem who have been married for over 13 years, but he has said publicly that they made love through their blue jeans years before that. Please welcome Tom & Tomya Tecret — oh, I’m sorry, can’t read my own writing — it’s Ton & Tonya Peoples.

Tonya: Hi! [ singing ] It was morning just like any other morning in the Georgia Hill

Ton: [ singing ] She heard a knockin’ at her door and up her spine she felt the tingly chill.

Tonya: [ singing ] And she stumbled to the door and said “Hey who’s that on the other side?.”

Ton: [ singing ] I got a package here for Lester Carl and Elinore Alisha Pride.

[ cut to Emcee enjoying song then cut back to Ton & Tonya ]

Tonya: [ singing ] She said “Listen here, those people that you’re talkin’ bout, they live next door.”

Ton: [ singing ] Then he said “Wait a second isn’t this 5407 Johnson Road?.”

Tonya: [ singing ] She said “Yes it is but this here is a duplex and they live in back.”

Ton: [ singing ] Then he said “Let me call my manager so I can get this package tracked.”

[ cut to Emcee enjoying song but not as much then cut back to Ton & Tonya ]

Tonya: [ singing ] Then he said “Lady can I use your phone, my cell ain’t got no signal that’s clear.”

Ton: [ singing ] And she said “Sure enough, but careful there’s a lot of broken glass over here.”

Tonya: [ singing ] And he tiptoed to the kitchen and he called his manager Jerome.

Ton: [ singing ] He started reading off the trackin’ number right into her M&M phone.

[ cut to Emcee not enjoying song then cut back to Ton & Tonya ]

Tonya: [ singing ] He said “31256935673452”

Ton: [ singing ] Then he continued “TKX45201267Q”

Tonya: [ singing ] Then he looked at her real weird and said “The rest is covered up by tape.”

Ton: [ singing ] And then he lifted up the tape and read “J712438”

[ cut to Emcee irritated by song then cut back to Ton & Tonya ]

Tonya: [ singing ] “57143577GLD5Q”

Ton: [ singing ] Then it continues with “BR4769138P2”

Tonya: [ singing ] Which was followed by an asterix then “PPDL-Q-“

Ton: [ singing ] And then a lower case u hyphen “55732…”

Emcee: [ interupting ] All right, thank you for that movin’ song. That slow movin’ song.

Tonya: Oh actually it’s not done. It gets real good, the next part.

Ton: Yeah see cause the people come home that live in the back and it turns out it wasn’t their package after all, cause um, they’s two Johnson Roads.

Tonya: Yeah one of them, one of them is spelled with an “h” and the other one it don’t got no “h”

Ton: Yeah but we’ll explain that in the next part of the song All right now 1 2 3.

Emcee: [ interupting ] No, all right, all right, all right, now look, can I be honest with you about your song writing?

Ton: Oh, I wish you wouldn’t.

Tonya: Me neither.

Emcee: OK then, great job. Ok we’re gonna take a little break. When we come back The Butterdud Family will be singing an original song called “Let’s All Put Make-Up On Little Sister.”

[ fade ]

Submitted by: Ken Toops

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