SNL Transcripts: Tracy Morgan



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Tracy Morgan


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Seasons:













Hosted:

Cameos:


1996-1997

1997-1998

1998-1999

1999-2000

2000-2001

2001-2002

2002-2003

None

03g

03q

05i
BernardSummary: When he comes home too late, tall Bernard (Shaquille O’Neal) gets a whipping from his short yet aggressive Dad (Tracy Morgan).

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Fat Albert: Behind The MusicSummary: Fat Albert (Tracy Morgan) recalls the downfall of the Junkyard Gang.

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SNL Transcripts

SNL Transcripts: Will Ferrell



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Will Ferrell


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Seasons:













Hosted:

Cameos:


1995-1996

1996-1997

1997-1998

1998-1999

1999-2000

2000-2001

2001-2002

04s

02m

03a
Get Off The Shed!Summary: Dad Frank Henderson (Will Ferrell) threatens kids during backyard barbecue.

Recurring Characters: Frank Henderson

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Jingleheimer JunctionSummary: Newcomer Fred Friendship (Will Ferrell) ruins the sanctimony of the Jingleheimer acronoym.

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Terry Ferguson For Senate ISummary: Candidate Terry Ferguson (Will Ferrell) will avoid sex scandals, because he’s lost his genitals in a fire.

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Terry Ferguson For Senate IISummary: Candidate Terry Ferguson (Will Ferrell) is no Washington insider, but he has lost his genitals in a fire.

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Mack North ISummary: After beating his opponent Fred Peete in the 6th District race by 8%, Mack North (Will Ferrell) gloats of his victory in a post-election attack ad.

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Mack North IISummary: In his second post-election attack ad, Mack North (Will Ferrell) harrasses loser Fred Peete (Chris Parnell) in a Target parking lot.

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Space, The Infinite FrontierSummary: Despite having died recently, Harry Caray (Will Ferrell) continues to host his space program.

Recurring Characters: Harry Caray.

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National Spelling Bee ChampionshipSummary: Spelling bee emcee (Will Ferrell) fumbles through the championships after losing the cards with the words on them.

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The Big BabySummary: Salesman Jim Lasterbick (Will Ferrell) breaks down and cries like a baby when his ad campaign goes awry.

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BackstageSummary: Back to host at last, Will Ferrell feels awkward walking among the people he once worked with and tries to put on a happy face.

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Will Ferrell’s MonologueSummary: Will Ferrell admits he’s nervous about hosting, then sings “On A Clear Day You Can See Forever”, makes odd banter with an audience member (Steve Higgins), and finally pees his pants.

Note: Will Ferrell was a cast member from 1995-2002.

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Grind!Summary: When a college student (Will Ferrell) decides to quit his studies to work full-time as a waiter, Dr. Roberts (Will Forte) decides to show him what discipline and hard work is all about by making him grind pepper non-stop over his dinner salad.

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The SpySummary: Eccentrically dressed in an eyepatch, a man claiming to be a Jaguar voiceover man and a spy for the Swiss government (Will Ferrell) hits on an exotic woman (Maya Rudolph) in a bar, presuming her to be his contact.

Transcript

SNL Transcripts

SNL Transcripts: Will Forte



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Will Forte


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Seasons:









Hosted:

Special Guest:


2002-2003

2003-2004

2004-2005

2005-2006

2006-2007

None

None
The ApprenticeSummary: President George W. Bush (Will Forte) must fire Colin Powell (Finesse Mitchell), Donald Rumsfeld (Darrell Hammond) or Condoleeza Rice (Maya Rudiolph).

Recurring Characters: George W. Bush, Condoleeza Rice, Colin Powell, Donald Rumsfeld.

Transcript

Grind!Summary: When a college student (Will Ferrell) decides to quit his studies to work full-time as a waiter, Dr. Roberts (Will Forte) decides to show him what discipline and hard work is all about by making him grind pepper non-stop over his dinner salad.

Transcript

Morgan StanleySummary: Morgan Stanley broker (Will Forte) berates his timid client’s (Fred Armisen) boisterous daughter (Amy Poehler) after school.

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Spelling BeeSummary: A young Jack Black (Will Forte) stumbles on the word “Business”, and attempts to spell it with way too many letters. Jack Black and Kyle Gass summarize the experience with a song.

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The FalconerSummary: Complications abound when Ken “The Falconer” Mortimer (Will Forte) is visited by his future self (Kevin Spacey) in an attempt to prevent Donald from being shot by a hunter (Maya Rudolph). When the mission fails, they bungle their way further and further back in time with a growing army of their former selves for a series of near-misses at saving Donald’s life.

Recurring Characters: Ken “The Falconer” Mortimer.

Transcript

SNL Transcripts

SNL Transcripts: Seth Meyers



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Seth Meyers


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Seasons:











Hosted:

Special Guest:


2001-2002

2002-2003

2003-2004

2004-2005

2005-2006

2006-2007

None

None
NBC Special ReportSummary: Osama bin Laden (Seth Meyers) delivers a videotaped message about the U.S. Election and Ashlee Simpson’s appearance on last week’s episode of “Saturday Night Live.”

Recurring Characters: Tom Brokaw, Osama bin Laden.

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You Call This A House, Do Ya?Summary: “Buildin'” Finn McQuinn (Seth Meyers) and the home repair crew give an Irish home makeover.

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Coolest Teacher At Benton Township High SchoolSummary: Mr. J (Seth Meyers) is the coolest teacher in school, but faces strong competition in his new rival, the laid-back Phil (Luke Wilson).

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Hubbard SystemsSummary: The head (Seth Meyers) of the Hubbard Systems retreat seminar comments on the IT technicians who played pranks on the corporate board members who drank too much during the Hawaiian party the night before.

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SNL Transcripts