Kenan Thompson
Chance the Rapper
Leslie Jones
[Starts with 1 and 2 walking in with big jewelry chains on. It looks like an old-school hiphop music video.]
[music playing]
Speaker 1: Yo! It’s been a dope eight years but now we got one last Christmas with Barack Obama. So if we going out, we going out with a bang!
Speaker 2: Let’s get Holly and Jolly, y’all! shall we?
Speaker 1: [rapping] It’s December 24th in the USA
and the party’s going down in a major way
the DJ is bopping
Speaker 2: Crazy snow outside!
Speaker 1: There’s eggnog
Speaker 2: And chicken
Speaker 1: And turkey
1 and 2: And fries.
Speaker 1: We still got Barack
Speaker 2: So you now what that means
Speaker 1: We shooting some hoops
1 and 2: In high waist jeans.
Speaker 1: So test this season
1 and 2: Let’s spread some cheer
Speaker 1: It’s the last Christmas
1 and 2: With Barack still here.
Speaker 1: La-la-la-la-last Christmas
Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba-Barack still here
Speaker 1: Hey kids, enjoy the presents while you can
coz next year you might get a bomb from Iran
man, we got birth control under the tree
and we stuffing every stocking with legal weed
Hey, Brad
Speaker 2: Hey, Mike
1 and 2: Get married tonight
Speaker 1: And real quick, let all the immigrants inside
So go nuts–
Speaker 2: Before the north poles disappear
Speaker 1: Coz it’s the last Christmas
1 and 2: Before Trump next year.
Speaker 1: La-la-la-la-last Christmas
Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba-Barack still here
La-la-la-la-last Christmas
Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba-before Trump next year.
Speaker 1: Oh, snap! Even Jesus is getting down.
Speaker 2: Dang, Jesus. I didn’t know you were a democrat.
This year I bought four Christmas trees
stock piled all the Home Alone DVDs
I got batteries, can food, everything I need
there probably never be another Christmas eve
been drinking eggnog like I don’t care
I’ma hurt myself before we lose Obamacare
Say goodbye to Barack, say goodbye December
for our new holiday called ‘Regular Winter’
even Kanye is endorsing him
got Obama back smoking Newports again
left the cookies and will and testament
for the first, maybe last black president there
I’m decked out in Santa gear from heard to toe
Then I noticed Papa wasn’t in his festive clothes
I said, “Dad, what’s wrong?” and he said back
“Never trust a white dude wearing no read hat.”
1 and 2: La-la-la-la-last Christmas
Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba-Barack still here
La-la-la-la-last Christmas
Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba-before Trump next year.
[3 makes an appearance]
Speaker 3: Here I go, here I go, here I go
again girls, what’s my weakness? Joe Biden
he makes me feel funny in the Christmas brief
with his aviator shades and his big ass teeth
wanna take a freaky ride with air-trek Joe
we could share ice cream under mistle toe
so Joe, let’s snuggle up for a four year nap
And I’ll take what I want while I sit on your lap
1 and 2: Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle Barack
I do the jingle Barack
last Christmas with Obama
so hug your baby mama
I do the jingle Barack
Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle Barack
I do the jingle Barack
last Christmas with Obama
so hug your baby mama
might be the very last Christmas
[Cut to video clip of Barack Obama’s mic drop]