Colin Jost
Michael Che
[Starts with Michael Che in his news set. There’s a picture of Aunt Jemima logo at right top corner.]
Michael Che: Aunt Jemima is recalling several breakfast food products because they might contain Listeria, who I’m guessing is Jemima’ sister.
[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of a monkey and map of India at left top corner.]
Colin Jost: Officials in India are hoping to deal with the exploding monkey population by providing them with birth control. India, where they treat monkeys better than America treats women. By the way, they have to use birth control pills because every time they tried to teach the monkey to use condom, it ate the banana. So, just the first joke?
[Picture changes to a computer]
A company in Canada has created a new software than can mimic anyone’s voice and get it to say anything. I will finally be able to hear my dad say, “I’m proud of you.”
[Cut to Michael Che. There’s a picture of Calendar marked on May Colin Jost4 at right top corner.]
Michael Che: Tomorrow’s Mother’s Day, so don’t forget to call your mama, because I won’t!
[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of McDonald’s logo at left top corner.]
Colin Jost: McDonald’s introduced a new utensil called froerk, which is a fork made with French Fries. It’s a perfect way to tell your arteries to go fork themselves!