Mark Zazz… Will Forte
Tatum… Aidy Bryant
[Starts with show intro]
Male voice: Blomps, splats, flizzes and crunchers. You’re watching the coolest gameshow for kids. It’s Kid Klash.
[Cut to Mark Zazz in the show set]
Mark Zazz: Hello. I am Mark Zazz and this is Kid Klash. The game show where kids compete in physical challenges. Now, if you saw last week’s episode, Susie is okay. She’s back home and she’s okay. And we have a brand new Kid Klash contestant ready to go, meet Tatum.
[Tatum walks in. She’s wearing a yellow helmet.]
Tatum: Hey, everyone. I’m the shortest and the slowest one on my basketball team, but here, I’m gonna win. I’m Tatum.
Mark Zazz: Great ‘tude, Tatum. And today’s prize is pizza for life. That’s right. You get to keep this one pizza for your entire life.
Tatum: Oh, I really want that.
Mark Zazz: Alright, let’s take a look at the course. First you’re taking a dive into the whipped cream pie to find the plan.
Tatum: Wow.
Mark Zazz: Then move on to the slippery monkey bars but watch out for hot nacho cheese below.
Tatum: Oh, I hope it’s not too hot.
Mark Zazz: Oh, it is. It is really hot.
Tatum: Okay.
Mark Zazz: Finally, you and your family climb into this giant glass to become a human shrimp cocktail.
Kyle: You can do this!
Heidi: We’re ready to be shrimp with you.
Mark Zazz: Alright, remember, you can’t move on till you find that flag. Ready, set, go.
[Tatum runs runs into the whipped cream to find the flag.]
Tatum, there we go. Tatum is deep in the cream and you’re looking for that flag. Here’s a Kid Klash fact about her. Tatum’s favorite things are spaghetti and beach balls. Alright. Tatum, have you found that flag yet?
Tatum: No. So far, I’m just feeling the cream.
Mark Zazz: Alright, keep looking. And here’s a hint: it’s in there. So, do you not know what a flag is?
Tatum: No, I do.
Mark Zazz: Alright. then try to find it.
Tatum: I am.
Mark Zazz: Alright. Another Kid Klash fact, Tatum was disqualified for the chili cook off at her school for lying. Yeah. Alright, how are you doing, Tatum?
Tatum: The cream is really thick. I’m working pretty hard here.
Mark Zazz: It doesn’t show.
Tatum: Oh my god. Oh my god. I think I found something. It’s some kind of gold medallion.
Mark Zazz: Amazing. But one question for you Tatum. Is a medallion the same as a frickin flag?
Tatum: No. But doesn’t it seem like maybe it’s worth more than a flag?
Mark Zazz: Well, you’re wrong, Tatum. It’s probably leftover from last week’s show.
Tatum: Wait, you don’t change up the cream?
Mark Zazz: I don’t know, Tatum. But your time is up in three, two, one.
Bowen: For Christ sake!
Heidi: That’s okay, honey.
Kyle: Dammit, Tatum!
Tatum: I’m sorry everyone. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t find the flag.
[Tatum is getting out of the whipped cream pie]
Mark Zazz: Where do you think you’re going?
Tatum: Well, I guess to get cleaned up and go back to Indiana.
Mark Zazz: You’re not going anywhere. Not until you find that flag.
Tatum: But the time ended.
Mark Zazz: I didn’t start this game show to encourage children to quit like whiny little babies. Now, I was very clear you get out of the pie when you find the flat.
Tatum: What? Mom!
Heidi: We agree with him, Tatum. She never sees anything through Mr. Zazz.
Tatum: Okay. I’ll keep trying.
[Tatum starts looking for flag inside the whipped cream pie again]
Mark Zazz: Now, Tatum, as I’m sure you know, you and your shrimp family are now ineligible for the pizza for life life.
Tatum: This music is making me feel really bad.
Mark Zazz: Oh wait. And I’m just now remembering the pie was supposed to spin. Can we get that going?
Tatum: What? Please. Does this part have to go on TV?
Mark Zazz: Tatum, you know that it does. How do you think it’s gonna be in the real world?
Tatum: I guess like this.
Mark Zazz: Yeah, that’s right. The whipped cream is adversity and the flag is your unfulfilled potential.
Tatum: Okay. Well, I think I just got my period.
Mark Zazz: Yeah, you’re not the first to do that in there.
Tatum: Wait. Oh my god. Is this it? [showing a tiny little flag]
Mark Zazz: Oh, she found the flag.
Tatum: Why is it so small? And it’s white like the cream. This is really bad game.
Mark Zazz: No, it’s good. And when we return, we’re gonna put the adopted brother on the monkey bar.
[Kyle and Heidi looks at Bowen]
Bowen: I’m adopted?
Mark Zazz: Yes you are. We’ll be right back for more Kid Klash.