Jeffy Lahart…. Mikey day
Sammy Knocks… John Cena
Referee… Alex Moffat
Coach… Kenan Thompson[Starts with two kids at a karate match]
Announcer: Well, it’s almost over here at the San Fernando Karate Championship. Jeffy Lahart. taking his licks in the final round against defending champion and human freight train, Sammy Knocks of the Wolf Claw Dojo.
Referee: Fight![Sammy Knocks punches Jeffy Lahart and Jeffy Lahart falls]
Referee: Watch your knocks. Keep it legal.
Sammy Knocks: Ah! Sorry, I got dork on the floor. Yeah! Wolf Claw! This kid’s a virgin. Ha-ha-ha. That will teach you karate, yeah![As Jeffy Lahart struggles to get up, he sees his coach show him a coin.] [Cut back to Jeffy Lahart’s memory where he is training hard with Coach]
Coach: Catch only the penny.[Coach shows a handful of coins where one is a penny]
Jeffy Lahart: Okay.[Coach gestures him to cover his eyes]
Mr. Johnson, that will be impossible. I won’t be able to see.
Coach: Listen to the wind.[Jeffy Lahart covers his eyes] [Coach throws all the coins. Jeffy Lahart successfully catches only the penny.]
Coach: I think you’r ready.[Cut back to the championship. Jeffy Lahart gets back up.]
Sammy Knocks: After this, I’m going to have sex with that guy’s girlfriend. Aha- Yeah!
Announcer: And look at this. Jeffy Lahart back on his feat. I don’t know if he is brave or crazy.
Sammy Knocks: Bad move, dweeb.[Sammy Knocks gets ready to fight. Jeffy Lahart covers his eyes with the bandana.]
What’s he doing?[as Sammy Knocks punches Jeffy Lahart, he blocks it]
What the butt?[Sammy Knocks punches again, and Jeffy Lahart blocks it agian]
How the hell is he doing this?[Jeffy Lahart does a different stance position]]
Jeffy Lahart: Listen … to … the wind.[Sammy Knocks punches Jeffy Lahart on his stomach. Jeffy Lahart flies by through many walls behind him.]
Announcer: Oh, my god! Knocks punched Jeffy Lahart out of his pants and through four walls.
Sammy Knocks: Yeah, I just punched that kid through four walls.
Jeffy Lahart: Hey Knocks! [Jeffy Lahart trying to get back through the wall] Is that all you got?
Sammy Knocks: You got a death wish, dork?[Jeffy Lahart is crawling back] [coach is telling Jeffy Lahart not to do it]
Jeffy Lahart: I guess you don’t know about a warrior. Coz when a warrior gets knocked down, he–[Sammy Knocks punches Jeffy Lahart again. This time, Jeffy Lahart flies to the parking lot and hits a car. The car breaks.]
Coach: I got a thing I got to get to.[Coach leaves]
Announcer: Well, unless Jeffy Lahart can get back up from sailing through hsi fifth wall and a car door, this looks like another victory for Wolf Claw Dojo.[Jeffy Lahart wakes up] [Sammy Knocks walks in with a trophy. He is all dressed up already. Jeffy Lahart is still in his karate gee.]
Sammy Knocks: What the hell?
Jeffy Lahart: Oh, my god. How long have I been out here?
Sammy Knocks: What did you do to my car? You’re going to get it you little fart wipe!
Jeffy Lahart: Wait![Sammy Knocks punches Jeffy Lahart again and he black out]