Michael Che[Starts with Michael Che in his news set. There’s a picture of Julia Roberts and Harriet Tubman Biopic’s cover at right top corner.]]
Michael Che: The screenwriter of the new Harriet Tubman Biopic said when he first pitched the movie in the ’90s, a studio executive suggested Julia Roberts play Harried Tubman. I know. Worse, it was going to be called ‘Runaway Bride 2.” I’d watch that.[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of dress and accessories at left top corner.]
Colin Jost: I’m worried about this one now. An auction of Nazi memorabilia was held, which featured items such as Hitler’s top hat and Eva Braun’s dress. And it’s tough to auction off Nazi memorabilia, because everyone always looks like they’re bidding. [picture changes to Nazi army raising their hands.] Thank you. Some applause. I liked it.[picture changes to Pete Buttingieg]
Pete Buttingieg’s campaign has released a viral dance video set to panic at the disco’s ‘High hopes.’[Cut to a video clip of people dancing on ‘High Hopes’ at Pete Buttingieg’s campaign.] [Cut to Colin Jost]
Colin Jost: It’s all part of Mayor Pete’s strategy to get a negative percentage of the black vote.[Cut to Michael Che in his news set. There’s a picture of a note written “Meth. We’re on it.” at right top corner.]
Michael Che: South Dakota’s governor is defending a new anti-meth campaign which features a tagline— “Meth. We’re on it.” Which isn’t as bad as North Dakota’s ad campaign— “Cocaine. We cracked it!”[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of M&M’s at left top corner.]
Colin Jost: The maker of M&Ms announced a new vegan chocolate candy made with a plant based alternative. So, I guess the real news here is that apparently regular M&Ms are made of meat.[Cut to M&Ms commercial]
Announcer: M&Ms; we have the meats.[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a black blank picture at left top corner.]
Colin Jost: So dumb. Scientists are working to develop advanced ultra black materials, so dark they absorb 99% of all light. Oh, sure, but when I try to develop ultra black material, [Cut to Colin Jost’s picture of his stand-up show] I’m booed at the Apollo.[Cut to Michael Che in his news set. There’s a picture of Vagina Museum at right top corner.]
Michael Che: A new museum is opened in London called the Vagina Museum which focuses on de-stigmatizing female anatomy and if you’re planning a trip, remember, it’s closed one week a month.[Cut to Colin Jost and Michael Che.]
Colin Jost: [laughing] Weekend Update. I’m Colin Jost.
Michael Che: I’m Michael Che. Good night.