Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 4: Episode 1
Autoscent
Pat…..Gilda Radner
Joan…..Jane Curtin
Pat: [ sees Joan drive up ] Hi, Joan!
Joan: [ getting out of her car ] Oh, hi, Pat!
Pat: I just thought I’d drop by today to see the color of the handtowels you’re using in the spare bathroom.
Joan: Oh, sure. Come on in.
Pat: [ sniffing ] Hmm.. something sure smells like lilac. Are youwearing a new perfume?
Joan: Thanks, Pat! But it’s not me – it’s my car.
Pat: Your car smells that good?
Joan: Sure.. [ reaches into her shopping bag ] ..with AutoScent, theinternal combustion deodorizer.
Pat: [ reads the bottle ] AutoScent exhaust freshener.. [ happy ]Lilac! How does it work?
Joan: Oh, it’s so easy – here, let me show you. [ opens herhood ] All you do is pump AutoScent into the carborator every 800 miles, orwhenever you want to change the scent.
Pat: Joan, you never told me you knew anything about carborators.
Joan: Oh, sure.. I can tear down a car in nothing flat! But you don’thave to do that to use AutoScent! [ sprays AutoScent into the carborator ]My exhaust has been smelling like lilacs all week, but today I want it tosmell like a pine forest. Go ahead – smell the tailpipe.
Pat: [ kneels down to smell at the rear of the car as Joan pressesthe exhaust pedal, releasing toxic smoke in the air ] Mmm! It reallyworks!
Announcer: AutoScent – the automobile exhaust freshener. In fourexciting fragrances – Lilac, Lemon-Lime, Pine Forest, and Musk. Anenvironmentally-safe pump spray.
