Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 4: Episode 1

78a: The Rolling Stones


Pat.....Gilda Radner
Joan.....Jane Curtin

Pat: [ sees Joan drive up ] Hi, Joan!

Joan: [ getting out of her car ] Oh, hi, Pat!

Pat: I just thought I'd drop by today to see the color of the hand towels you're using in the spare bathroom.

Joan: Oh, sure. Come on in.

Pat: [ sniffing ] Hmm.. something sure smells like lilac. Are you wearing a new perfume?

Joan: Thanks, Pat! But it's not me - it's my car.

Pat: Your car smells that good?

Joan: Sure.. [ reaches into her shopping bag ] ..with AutoScent, the internal combustion deodorizer.

Pat: [ reads the bottle ] AutoScent exhaust freshener.. [ happy ] Lilac! How does it work?

Joan: Oh, it's so easy - here, let me show you. [ opens her hood ] All you do is pump AutoScent into the carborator every 800 miles, or whenever you want to change the scent.

Pat: Joan, you never told me you knew anything about carborators.

Joan: Oh, sure.. I can tear down a car in nothing flat! But you don't have to do that to use AutoScent! [ sprays AutoScent into the carborator ] My exhaust has been smelling like lilacs all week, but today I want it to smell like a pine forest. Go ahead - smell the tailpipe.

Pat: [ kneels down to smell at the rear of the car as Joan presses the exhaust pedal, releasing toxic smoke in the air ] Mmm! It really works!

Announcer: AutoScent - the automobile exhaust freshener. In four exciting fragrances - Lilac, Lemon-Lime, Pine Forest, and Musk. An environmentally-safe pump spray.

SNL Transcripts