Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 11: Episode 18


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Air Date:

Host:



Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

Cameos:


May 24th, 1986

Anjelica Huston

Billy Martin

George Clinton & Parliament-Funkadelic

None

Lorne Michaels

Hands Across America
Summary: While running a cross-country sprint, one-legged Kevin Brennan (Randy Quaid) hits a roadblock in the form of a chain of Hands Across America participants who won't let him through.

Transcript


Montage


Anjelica Huston's Monologue
Summary: Anjelica Huston attempts to tell a joke while, backstage, Billy Martin assures Mephistopheles (Jon Lovitz) that he's a changed man.

Recurring Characters: Mephistopheles.

Transcript


The People's Second Choice Awards
Summary: America's favorite runner-ups are saluted by emcee Ed McMahon (Randy Quaid).

Recurring Characters: Ed McMahon.


Moments of Doubt
Summary: While having breakfast together, a husband (Randy Quaid0, his wife (Anjelica Huston), their daughter (Joan Cusack) and the family dog contemplate the idea that they may have wasted their lives.


Glamourous Drinking
Summary: Lorne Michaels introduces a sketch that was cut from last week's show because it glamourized drinking.


National Council of Liquor and Spirits
Summary: (Randy Quaid) offers a rebuttal to the previous sketch.


Actors on Film
Summary: Jimmy Chance (Robert Downey, Jr.) and Ashley Ashley (Nora Dunn) praise the off-camera acting not seen in "Witness."

Recurring Characters: Jimmy Chance, Ashley Ashley.


Hallmark Organized Crime Cards
Summary: Maerose Prizzi (Anjelica Huston) reads from a selection of Hallmark's Organized Crime greeting card collection.


George Clinton & Parliament-Funkadelic perform "Let's Take it to the Stage"


Weekend Update with Dennis Miller
Summary: Al Franken returns to comment on the Al Franken Decade and to urge viewers to see his new movie, "One More Saturday Night." A. Whitney Brown delivers The Big Picture on the uninformed Class of 1986. Father Guido Sarducci narrates as the Weekend Update Dancers emulate the Statue of Liberty.

Recurring Characters: Father Guido Sarducci.


Lesbian Bar
Summary:


Bocce Ball My Way
Summary: Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello) plugs his how-to video.

Recurring Characters: Father Guido Sarducci.


Tempting Billy
Summary: Billy Martin objects when Mephistopheles (Jon Lovitz) hides alcohol in his wardrobe.

Recurring Characters: Mephistopheles.

Note: At one point, Jon Lovitz simultaneously performs his Mephistopheles and Tommy Flanagan characters.

Transcript


Damon Wayans Stand-Up
Summary: Damon Wayons returns to Studio 8-H to perform stand-up about racism in America and one-liners from his childhood insult contests.

Note: Damon Wayans returns as a guest just two months after being fired from "SNL" for improvising in the "Mr. Monopoly" sketch.

Note: In the "Live From, New York" book, Damon Wayans incorrectly remembers this performance as taking place on the episode hosted by Dudley Moore four months earlier, and having felt self-concious about doing a clubfoot joke in Moore's presence.


Book Minute
Summary: (Danitra Vance) has updated the nursery rhymes of Mother Goose to reflect upon the realism of growing up in the ghetto.


LaBelles at the Movies
Summary: Patti LaBelle (Terry Sweeney) and her aunt (Danitra Vance) talk loudly to one another in a crowded movie theater.


My Friend
Summary: Tracy (Joan Cusack) tells Dana (Danitra Vance) about her close, personal friend, Colonel Sanders (Billy Martin), then introduces her when he drops by for a visit. The sketch is unfortunately ruined when a drunken Billy Martin slurs his lines, so Lorne Michaels comes out and fires him on live television.

Transcript


George Clinton & Parliament-Funkadelic perform "Do Fries Go With That Shake"


Goodnights
Summary: After being fired, Billy Martin decides to set the studio on fire and take the show with him. Lorne Michaels hurriedly rescues his star performer, Jon Lovitz, before letting the remainder of the cast perish in the flames. Will other cast members survive? Tune in October 11th to find out!

Note: Brandon Tartikoff had made up his mind to cancel "SNL" once and for all after this lackluster season, but Lorne Michaels pleaded for - and won - one final chance to revive the show. Nora Dunn and Dennis Miller escaped the fire and returned with Jon Lovitz the following season.

Transcript



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