Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 11: Episode 18
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Air Date:Host:Musical Guest:Special Guests:Cameos:
May 24th, 1986
Anjelica Huston
Billy Martin
George Clinton & Parliament-Funkadelic
None
Lorne Michaels
Hands Across AmericaSummary: While running a cross-country sprint, one-legged Kevin Brennan (Randy Quaid) hits a roadblock in the form of a chain of Hands Across America participants who won’t let him through.
Transcript
Montage
Anjelica Huston’s MonologueSummary: Anjelica Huston attempts to tell a joke while, backstage, Billy Martin assures Mephistopheles (Jon Lovitz) that he’s a changed man.
Recurring Characters: Mephistopheles.
Transcript
The People’s Second Choice AwardsSummary: America’s favorite runner-ups are saluted by emcee Ed McMahon (Randy Quaid).
Recurring Characters: Ed McMahon.
Moments of DoubtSummary: While having breakfast together, a husband (Randy Quaid0, his wife (Anjelica Huston), their daughter (Joan Cusack) and the family dog contemplate the idea that they may have wasted their lives.
Glamourous DrinkingSummary: Lorne Michaels introduces a sketch that was cut from last week’s show because it glamourized drinking.
National Council of Liquor and SpiritsSummary: (Randy Quaid) offers a rebuttal to the previous sketch.
Actors on FilmSummary: Jimmy Chance (Robert Downey, Jr.) and Ashley Ashley (Nora Dunn) praise the off-camera acting not seen in “Witness.”
Recurring Characters: Jimmy Chance, Ashley Ashley.
Hallmark Organized Crime CardsSummary: Maerose Prizzi (Anjelica Huston) reads from a selection of Hallmark’s Organized Crime greeting card collection.
George Clinton & Parliament-Funkadelic perform “Let’s Take it to the Stage”
Weekend Update with Dennis MillerSummary: Al Franken returns to comment on the Al Franken Decade and to urge viewers to see his new movie, “One More Saturday Night.” A. Whitney Brown delivers The Big Picture on the uninformed Class of 1986. Father Guido Sarducci narrates as the Weekend Update Dancers emulate the Statue of Liberty.
Recurring Characters: Father Guido Sarducci.
Lesbian BarSummary:
Bocce Ball My WaySummary: Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello) plugs his how-to video.
Recurring Characters: Father Guido Sarducci.
Tempting BillySummary: Billy Martin objects when Mephistopheles (Jon Lovitz) hides alcohol in his wardrobe.
Recurring Characters: Mephistopheles.
Note: At one point, Jon Lovitz simultaneously performs his Mephistopheles and Tommy Flanagan characters.
Transcript
Damon Wayans Stand-UpSummary: Damon Wayons returns to Studio 8-H to perform stand-up about racism in America and one-liners from his childhood insult contests.
Note: Damon Wayans returns as a guest just two months after being fired from “SNL” for improvising in the “Mr. Monopoly” sketch.
Note: In the “Live From, New York” book, Damon Wayans incorrectly remembers this performance as taking place on the episode hosted by Dudley Moore four months earlier, and having felt self-concious about doing a clubfoot joke in Moore’s presence.
Book MinuteSummary: (Danitra Vance) has updated the nursery rhymes of Mother Goose to reflect upon the realism of growing up in the ghetto.
LaBelles at the MoviesSummary: Patti LaBelle (Terry Sweeney) and her aunt (Danitra Vance) talk loudly to one another in a crowded movie theater.
My FriendSummary: Tracy (Joan Cusack) tells Dana (Danitra Vance) about her close, personal friend, Colonel Sanders (Billy Martin), then introduces her when he drops by for a visit. The sketch is unfortunately ruined when a drunken Billy Martin slurs his lines, so Lorne Michaels comes out and fires him on live television.
Transcript
George Clinton & Parliament-Funkadelic perform “Do Fries Go With That Shake”
GoodnightsSummary: After being fired, Billy Martin decides to set the studio on fire and take the show with him. Lorne Michaels hurriedly rescues his star performer, Jon Lovitz, before letting the remainder of the cast perish in the flames. Will other cast members survive? Tune in October 11th to find out!
Note: Brandon Tartikoff had made up his mind to cancel “SNL” once and for all after this lackluster season, but Lorne Michaels pleaded for – and won – one final chance to revive the show. Nora Dunn and Dennis Miller escaped the fire and returned with Jon Lovitz the following season.
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