Weekend Update with Kevin Nealon Kevin Nealon delivers a subliminal editorial on Michael Fay’s caning Operaman (Adam Sandler) sings of the week’s events and his interest in Eddie Vedder. Recurring Characters: Operaman.
Frankie Genovese…..Emilio Estevez Steroid User #1…..Adam Sandler Steroid User #2…..Chris Farley Steroid User #3…..David Spade Steroid User #4…..Jay Mohr Caller #1….. Caller #2…..Mike Myers Caller #3….. Charlie Sheen…..
[open on panelists with theme music and title: “How Much Ya Bench?”]
[all panelists have heavily overdeveloped upper bodies]
Announcer: And now it’s time for “How Much Ya Bench,” with your host, Frankie Genovese.
[title is removed]
Frankie: Hello, and welcome to “How Much Ya Bench,” the show dedicated to body building and a steroid-free power lifting experience. I think you know our panelists, especially if you are a Perth Amboy local, in which case you would also know that we enjoy a lifting experience that’s completely free of steroid influence.
[other panelists agree while the shot widens to show that the panelists’ legs are comically underdeveloped]
Frankie: Before we go to the phones, let’s start off with a regular segment on “How Much Ya Bench?” called Movie Talk. This is where we have a steroid-free discussion of the movies. Tonight’s topic: Hollywood’s hot new actors and how much we want to kick their heads in. First up: Brad Pitt. He’s becoming a big star. Do we like it?
Steroid User #1: My girl thinks he’s really cute. And she says he was really good in “Thelma and Louise.” So to be quite honest, I’d like to give him a savage beating. The kind of beating where the cops would say, “What kind of animal would do this to another human being?”
[other panelists agree with shouts and grunts]
Steroid User #2: Yeah! Brad Pitt needs a beatin’! He needs a beatin’ Fast! I swear to God, I am not in the mood for him, ever!
Frankie: To sum up, I guess Brad Pitt gets a beatin’. Next up: Richard Grieco. The heat has faded, but he seems to still have that certain look on his face that needs to be wiped off. Agree?
Steroid User #1: Oh, my God, yes. I want to boot him so hard in the adam’s apple it comes shooting out his mouth. Holy lord, when I used to watch him on “21 Jump Street,” he would make me so angry it was like I was on steroids or something. That’s how angry he made me.
Steroid User #2: Hey, Grieco, what’s behind you? It’s your worst nightmare, mister. Mr. Big-Time Beatin’! [punctuates the following with hand/arm gestures] Wham! Bam! Slam! Throat punch! Down you go! Oh, but it continues! Bam, bam, bam! Wham! When’s it ever gonna stop?! Survey says: Not very soon!
[other panelists agree with shouts and grunts]
Steroid User #3: I can’t follow his energy. However, I’d like to stress two things. Brad Pitt needs a beatin’, and I’m not on steroids.
Steroid User #1: Very nice.
Steroid User #2: All right, yeah.
Steroid User #3: Mr. Pitt, if I ever see you, I’ll give you so many rights, you’ll be begging for lefts!
[other panelists agree with shouts and grunts]
Frankie: A beatin’ all around. All right, finally: Charlie Sheen. Thoughts.
Steroid User #1: He’s cool.
Steroid User #2: I like his work.
Steroid User #3: Laughed my ass off at “Hot Shots Part Deux.”
Steroid User #4: Yeah, you know what? I’m on the fence. I could go either way with him.
Frankie: Shut up, gentlemen! The man needs a beatin’! He needs a good old-fashioned James Caan, “Godfather,” garbage can involved monster beatin’!
[other panelists agree with shouts and grunts]
Frankie: All right. And let me say that what you’ve just seen was a display of normal male envy and agression, and in no way was the consequence of steroid abuse. Stay off the juice! The side effects aren’t worth it. All right, before we take calls, I think someone here has an announcement to make.
Steroid User #1: Indeed I do. Just this last Friday at 2:23pm, I was benching and I put up 350 pounds.
[other panelists cheer him on with shouts and grunts]
Steroid User #2: You! You! Yeah! All right! You did it totally without the aid of steroids! Or steroid byproducts! You must be amped man! 350! Let’s see that rip!
[Steroid User #1 flexes and turns, showing that his back is extremely hairy]
Steroid User #1: And I’m not even oiled up, gentlemen!
Frankie: Well, it’s my guess we lost a few callers with that one. I’d like to thank those of you that hung in there. So let’s get to your calls. Caller, you’re on. How much ya bench?
Caller #1: 255. Steroid-free, just like you guys.
[panelists make girly ding-a-ling]
Steroid User #3: Tinkerbell! Tinkerbell! 255?! You calling to brag about that?! Anything else you want to brag about? Maybe how you got great seats for “Phantom of the Opera?”
Steroid User #2: Yeah! Or maybe how you got great seats for…some other queer play.
Steroid User #4: Now hang up the phone, all right, because there’s a lot of other guys at the gay bar who need to use it, all right, you selfish bastard. God! I’m not on steroids!
Frankie: Okay, next caller. You’re on the air. How much ya bench?
Caller #2: Hey, I don’t really work out, okay. My question is for Steroid User #2.
Frankie: Hey, hey, hey, there’s no one here on steroids, nancy-boy.
Caller #2: Uh, yeah. Steroid User #2. Could you tell me why your legs are so thin?
Steroid User #2: That’s because I generally don’t like to kick guys like you into a coma! I like to hear your bones snap under my fists!
Caller #2: Let me ask one more question. How do you guys ever get girls? I mean, do you have to hypnotize them or something?
Steroid User #4: Oh, no, no, no. You do.
[other panelists agree with shouts and grunts]
Steroid User #1: Hang up the phone, nancy-boy! Save your money for when you call 1-900-MAKE-OUT-WITH-A-GUY.
Frankie: All right, next caller. You’re on. How much ya bench?
Charlie Sheen: Hey, steroid-boy. This is Charlie Sheen. You want a piece of me?
Frankie: Yeah! Where you at, pretty boy?
Charlie Sheen: You know where I live, Emilio. I’ll be right here.
Frankie: Hey, Charlie. Come on, it’s just a sketch.
Charlie Sheen: Oh, yeah? Well it’s just a beatin’! Get ready for it! [hangs up]
Frankie: Oh, ah, um, next caller. How much ya bench?
Caller #3: Uh, not a tremendous amount. Hey, I lost a dog, and I was wondering if I could describe him in case a viewer has seen his.
Frankie: You got it, alpha woman. What’s this poodle look like?
Caller #3: No, it’s not a poodle. I don’t know what kind it is, but I know it’s definitely on steroids. It’s real buff, with little stick-legs. And it’s got this weird forehead, real hairy back and shoulders with tons of zits. It goes through crazy mood swings, and it answers to “loser.”
Steroid User #4: Oh, my God, Frankie! There ain’t no dog! This guy’s referring to us! Oh, I can’t stand it! Oh, my God! I want a piece of this guy! Oh, God, please, God, I gotta give this guy a beatin’! [sobs]
Steroid User #2: You will pay, nancy-boy! Oh, it’s coming! You hear me?! [with arms and legs flailing] Oh, God, you are gonna pay! One sorry nancy-boy!
Frankie: We’re gonna find out where you live, and you’re dead! Everybody else, tune in next week to “How Much Ya Bench?”
[dissolve to advertizement screen]
Announcer: “How Much Ya Bench?” has been brought to you by Jim Tischer’s Anabolic Steroids. For when you want big mass and got no time. Turn to the juice. Jim Tischer’s juice.
[dissolve to panelists with theme song and title: “How Much Ya Bench?”]
Warden…..Rob Schneider Michael Fay…..Emilio Estevez Caner…..Kevin Nealon Doctor…..Phil Hartman
[ open on wide shot of Singapore skyline over body of water, with SUPER: “Singapore, April 16th, 1994” ]
[ dissolve to interior, prison room, a pair of guards tying Michael Fay’s wrists to a tall torture device, Fay’s pants pulled down to his ankles ]
Warden: [ reading, in a thick Oriental accent ] Michael Fay. For the crime of vandalizing cars and buses, the nation of Singapore has sentenced you-ou to six strokes of the cane. The sentence will be carried out.. now-ow.
[ a snappily-dressed American, in tan coat and tie, enters the room ]
Caner: Hello, Michael My name’s Jeff Gardner.
Michael Fay: Thank God! Are you from the State Department?
Caner: No, I’m the caner. I’m the one who’s gonna be caning you.
Michael Fay: But you’re am American.
Caner: Yep! Born and raised. [ walks to the wall, removes his jacket and hangs it up, then reaches for a cane among a rack filled with canes ]
Michael Fay: So, what are you doing here?
Caner: Well, I’ll tell ya — [ holds up his chosen cane and looks through the hollow of it ] You know, I always wanted to be a caner, but there’s, uh.. there’s not much call for caners back in the States, so, hey! You gotta go where the work is, you know? But, I’ll tell ya – Singapore is, uh.. is pretty nice, you know? How’s your visit been here so far?
Michael Fay: Okay. Not great.
Caner: Yeah. You know, you gotta give it a chance, it’ll grow on you – it’s clean, a great climate, and, virtually, no crime.
Michael Fay: So I understand.
Caner: Yeah. you know why there’s no crime? The caning!
Michael Fay: Yeah.
Caner: Although, actually, you know, caning is pretty barbaric, when you think about it.
Michael Fay: Yeah, I agree.
Caner: But, you know, they don’t pay me to think. They pay me to cane people. [ raises cane in the air for soem practice swings ] So, now, you’re a student, huh? What grade you in?
Michael Fay: Actually, I’m in college. I’m taking some courses over at the — [ screams as the Caner raises his cane into the air ]
Caner: No, no, no. Please, finish up.
Michael Fay: Well.. I’m, uh, uh.. I’m taking a bunch of language courses at the University of Singapore.
Caner: Ah! Th-that’s a good school! [ takes the first swift cane to Fay’s ass ]
Michael Fay: Oof!
Caner: Now.. are you living on campus over there? I heard they got some really nice dorms.
Michael Fay: [ gasps ]
Caner: You play tennis?
Michael Fay: Yeah, uh.. a little.
Caner: Me, too. Hey, we should play together sometime. You know, I’m getting a little tired of playing with these, you know? [ takes the second swift cane to Fay’s ass ] You know what I’m saying?
Michael Fay: Oof!
Caner: [ whispers ] You know, Mike? I think we better to get a doctor over here. [ looks offscreen to the doctor ] Hey, you want to have a look at this? [ the Oriental doctor steps forward ] What have I got here, Doc?
Doctor: [ in heavy Oriental accent ] Uh.. it looks like a blister. Probably from the caning.
Caner: Ah. Ah, thanks. [ doctor exits ] Like I need a doctor to tell me that, huh? [ takes the third swift cane to Fay’s ass ]
Michael Fay: Agh!
Caner: Funny story about that doctor! I was caning this guy, right? And he passes out, I think it was because of the incredible pain, you know? So, uh.. I keep caning him, you know, which you’re really not supposed to do! The doctor shows up, tells me the guy is dead! [ laughing ] Can you believe that! I was caning a dead guy! Is that crazy, or what?!
Michael Fay: [ not amused ] Yeah.
Caner: Hey, you know something? You’ve got a pretty nice-looking can there?
Michael Fay: [ disturbed ] What?!
Caner: Oh, I’m not one of those guys or anything, you know? It’s just that, I see a lot of them, that’s all. [ takes the fourth swift cane to Fay’s ass ] Hey, uh.. I’m losing track here. How many was that?
Michael Fay: [ smiles ] I think that’s all of them.
Caner: Nice try! I was just kidding! you got two more!
[ the phone rings, answered by the Warden. The Caner and Michael Fay look on with interest, as the Warden steps forward ]
Warden: It’s the Chief Justice of Singapore.
Michael Fay: Oh, thank God!
Caner: Oh, doesn’t he know I’m in the middle of a caning here?
Warden: He say very important.
Caner: Oh, that’s weird. You know, the Chief Justice only calls when there’s a pardon. What do you suppose he wants? [ takes the fifth swift cane to Fay’s ass ]
Michael Fay: Oof! Please! Maybe it’s a pardon!
Caner: Relax, buddy, you gotta save your strength, okay? You’ve got one more. [ takes the sixth and final swift cane to Fay’s ass ]
Michael Fay: Oof! Please! Just ask what he wants!
Caner: All right. [ to Warden ] What does he want?
Warden: [ listens into the phone ] Mr. Fay. I have some good news, and bad news.
Michael Fay: What’s the good news?
Warden: You have been pardoned!
Michael Fay: Thanks. What’s the bad news?
Warden: [ glumly ] Well.. “Live, from New York.. it’s Saturday Night.”
Sean Denny…..Mike Myers Billy Westman…..Rob Schneider Serena Williams…..Ellen Cleghorne Mark Hirschfeld…..Adam Sandler Eric Thompson…..Tim Meadows Stevie Sisken…..David Spade Doreen Farvin…..Melanie Hutsell Nick Russell…..Emilio Estevez
[open on electric sign: “Geek Dweeb or Spazz”]
Announcer: It’s time for your favorite high school game show, “Geek, Dweeb, or Spazz.” [shot widens to show studio] Now meet your host, the coolest senior at Park Ridge High School, Sean Denny!
Sean: Hello, and welcome to “Geek, Dweeb, or Spazz,” where the most popular kids at school ask questions of our loser guests to determine who is a geek, dweeb, or spazz. [chuckles] Okay, now let’s meet our cool panelists. [walks over to panelsists’ podiums] Billy Westman. Billy, you’re the captain of the Scarsdale High School lacross team, and you sit at the best table in the lunch room.
Billy: Sean, wherever I sit is the best table.
Sean: [chuckles] Okay. And to your left is Serena Williams. Serena, you’re copied by every white girl in your school who wants to walk, talk, and dress just like you. Also, you’re dating a college guy.
Serena: That’s right, Sean. High school guys are so immature.
Sean: [chuckles] Yeah. Yeah, right. And, finally, Mark Hirschfeld. It says here, your uncle is the accountant for Aerosmith.
Mark: Yeah. Steven Tyler sang at my bar mitzvah.
Sean: All right, that’s great. All right, panelists, are you ready to play “Geek, Dweeb, or Spazz?”
[the panel agrees unenthusiastically]
Sean: Okay, all right then. Let’s please welcome our first guest, Eric Thompson.
[Eric enters, wearing a black “SeaQuest DSV” shirt, thick glasses, and slacks]
Announcer: Eric is a dweeb. [flashing title: “DWEEB”]
Sean: Okay, all right. Billy. Billy, you’re up first.
Billy: Okay, Eric. Describe your perfect Friday night.
Eric: My perfect Friday night? Well, I could head to the mall and catch a movie. PG, of course. Or I could stay at home and play “Tetris” with my parents.
[Billy rings in]
Sean: Billy.
Billy: He’s a geek!
[buzzer sounds]
Sean: Sorry, sorry, sorry, that’s not it. Mark, your turn to ask a question.
Mark: Okay, Eric, what would you say if I asked you to borrow your dad’s car to go to a party.
Eric: Will there be drinking at said party?
[Mark rings in]
Mark: Sean, I got this one. This guy’s a dweeb.
[dinging sound]
Sean: Nice call, Mark. Nice call. Better luck next time, Eric.
Eric: [waves] I’ll see you guys later. [exits]
Sean: Yeah, right. Okay. All right, let’s now welcome our second guest, Stevie Sisken.
[Stevie enters, with unkempt hair and wearing a powder blue t-shirt with “Ghostbusters” logo]
Announcer: Stevie is a spazz. [flashing title: “SPAZZ”]
Sean: Serena, your question.
Serena: Thanks, Sean. Stevie, let’s say as a goof, right, I agreed to go out with you. What would we do on our date?
Stevie: Oh! That would be sweet! You could go out with me and my cousin to the school soccer game. Then we could all pile in my Sirocco, and then we’ll get some pizza, and then we could slide on my Slip ‘N Slide all night. It’s gonna be sweet!
[Mark rings in]
Mark: Sean, I got it. He’s a homo?
[buzzer sounds]
Sean: No, I’m sorry Mark. “Homo” is not one of the categories.
[Billy rings in]
Sean: Billy!
Billy: Sean, he acts like a geek, but I gotta go with my gut. He’s a spazz!
[dinging sound]
Sean: Good eye, Billy! Good eye!
Stevie: Hey, Serena! Pick you up at seven! It’s gonna be sweet!
Serena: Sure, Stevie. I’ll meet you in front of the Robert Taylor Housing Project. Building C. I may be a few hours late, so wait for me.
Sean: And make sure you wear that shirt. [chuckles]
Stevie: Yes, sir. Sweet! [exits]
Sean: Okay, all right. Okay, now let’s meet our third geek, dweeb, or spazz, Doreen Farvin.
[Doreen enters, dressed in a fast food uniform with paper hat]
Announcer: Doreen is a geeky-dweeb. [flashing title: “GEEKY-DWEEB”]
Doreen: Hi guys. [waves]
[Serena rings in]
Sean: Serena!
Serena: [laughing] Doreen is a geeky dweeb!
[dinging sound]
Sean: That’s right! That’s right!
Doreen: Can I say hello to my best friend Shirley Vega, please?
Sean: Hmmm…let me think. No! [chuckles]
[Doreen exits in a huff]
Sean: Okay. All right, now it’s time for our final round where everyone at home can play along. Our last guest just transferred to my high school from a school in Hayward, California. Please welcome Nick Russell!
[Nick enters, wearing a leather jacket and jeans, and drinking beer]
Sean: Whoah! Well, okay, all right. Billy.
Billy: Do you play any sports?
Nick: No.
Billy: Why? ‘Cause your mommy won’t let you, or do you just suck.
Nick: No, I busted my leg in a motorcycle accident, trying to get away from the state police.
Billy: [staring dumbfoundedly] Wow.
Sean: Mark, your question.
Mark: Okay. Let’s say I tell you to do my homework, or I’ll beat the living crap out of you. Do you a) do my homework, b) get the crap beat out of you, or c) do my homework and get the crap beat out of you?
Nick: The answer is d) I would kick your ass for asking me, and then I’d go to your house and beat up your old man.
Mark: [quietly] No more questions.
Nick: What did you say to me?!
Mark: [with quivering voice] Nothing! I said, “No more questions.” I swear to God, just leave me alone.
Sean: Okay, all right. Well. Serena, your question.
Serena: [timidly] Uh, um… Would you go out with me, Nick?
Nick: [scoffs] Maybe as a goof.
Sean: Anybody? Anybody? Seems like our panelists are stumped. [Nick smiles smugly] Maybe this yearbook picture from Nick’s old high school back in California will help. [Nick looks around nervously] Let’s take a look.
[dissolve to photograph of Nick, dressed as a stereotypical geek, with thick glasses and a vest, holding either a comic book or an RPG guidbook, with title: “Dungeons And Dragons Club]
Nick: Where’d you get that?! No, no, please!
[dissolve to studio]
Sean: Yes, that’s right. At his last high school, Nick was the treasurer of the Dungeons and Dragons club.
[Serena rings in]
Sean: Serena!
Serena: Oh! He’s a royal geek.
[dinging sound]
Sean: Royal geek is correct! [flashing title: “ROYAL GEEK”] Serena, we also would have accepted “total geek” or “your highness, king of the geeks.”
Nick: Thanks a lot. Now I’m gonna have to change schools again! [runs off]
Sean: Serena, you’re our winner!
Serena: [runs out from behind podium onto studio floor] Oh! So, what did I win?
Sean: Well, Serena, for one weekend you will have unlimited use of my stepdad’s cellular phone. Perfect for crank calls all over the world!
Serena: For real?!
Sean: Absolutely. I don’t care, ’cause I hate him. [chuckles] Okay, all right. This is Sean Denny. See you next time on “Geek, Dweeb, or Spazz!”
Don Pardo V/O: Ladies and gentlemen.. Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger!
Alec Baldwin: Thank you very much, thank you! Thank you! Ity’s a thrill to be hosting “Saturday Night Live.”
Kim Basinger: Especially this weekend.
Alec Baldwin: Because, as I’m sure a lot of you already know, Kim and I are newlyweds.
[ audience applauds ]
Kim Basinger: And this will be our first Valentine’s together as husband and wife!
Alec Baldwin: [ shyly ] Honey? don’t be embarrassed, but.. uh.. I love you.
Kim Basinger: I love you, too.
[ they kiss ]
Kim Basinger: But, you know, Alec.. I love you so much. I don’t want to keep anything from you.
Alec Baldwin: [ a little nervous ] Okay.
Kim Basinger: That’s why I have a confession to make: I have no respect for you as an actor. [ a beat ] Do you hate me now?
Alec Baldwin: Hate you? Hate you? Why.. the fact that you could be so honest and forthright with me on national television makes me love you more than ever!
Kim Basinger: [ happily ] That’s such a relief!
Alec Baldwin: Darling, I have a confession of my own. Uh, recently, I took the liberty of drugging you and making a plaster cast of your naked body, and, uh.. selling it to an inflatable doll company. [ a beat ] You must really hate me now.
Kim Basinger: Hate you? Why, that’s.. the most flattering thing I ever heard!
Alec Baldwin: [ relieved ] You mean it!
Kim Basinger: Why, the fact that you thought enough of my body to share it with the entire porno industry! Why, I-I couldn’t love you more than I do right now! [ suddenly uneasy again ] Darling —
Alec Baldwin: Say it.
Kim Basinger: [ at last ] Until two weeks before our wedding.. I thought I was marrying your brother Billy.
Alec Baldwin: I see.
Kim Basinger: I was going to call it off, now.. but I was afraid I would look like a real idiot, so I just.. Do you hate me, darling?
Alec Baldwin: Hate you? [ chuckles ]
Kim Basinger: [ laughs nervously ]
Alec Baldwin: You know I love my brother Billy, and the fact that we share those feelings makes me love you twice as much as before!
Kim Basinger: [ squeals happily ] Wow!
Alec Baldwin: [ becomes serious ] Darling, I want to ask you something, but I’m worried that you’ll hate me.
Kim Basinger: Nothing you could say – nothing – would make me hate you.
Alec Baldwin: Alright. How do you pronounce your last name? Is it Bay-singer, or Bass-inger? [ Kim is silent ] You hate me for not knowing, don’t you?
Kim Basinger: The fact that you would explore every possible way of pronouncing my name.. that is the most romantic thing I have ever heard. And I do love you! [ wraps her arms around Alec and kisses him ]
Alec Baldwin: [ happily ] Oh, I love you! But, which is it?
Kim Basinger: Bay-singer.
Alec Baldwin: I love you, Kim Base-singer!
Kim Basinger: Bay-singer.
Alec Baldwin: Oh, right, right..
Kim Basinger: Darling?
Alec Baldwin: Yes?
Kim Basinger: This is very hard for me to say, so I’m .. I’m just gonna say it: I wanted to host the show alone.
Alec Baldwin: Uh-huh?
Kim Basinger: Because you’re not that funny.. and it makes me nervous to be around you. [ stunned, Alec silently looks at the floor ] Alec, you’re not saying anything? Are you thinking about how much you hate me?
Alec Baldwin: Kim, I am standing here trying to find the words to express how much more I love you than I did just ten seconds ago. I’m not sure why, but what you just said, about me not being that funny, and making you feel uncomfortable, makes me the happiest man alive!
Kim Basinger: [ touched immensely ] Oh.. darling! I love you so much!
Alec Baldwin: I love you!
[ they wrap their arms around one another for a loving kiss ]
Alec Baldwin: We’ve got a great show tonight! UB40 is here!
Kim Basinger: [ arms still wrapped around Alec ] Stick around! We’ll be right back!
[ open on a local playground, where Robin sits at the base of the jungle gym playing with her dolly, while Phillip, tied by a harness to the gym, climbs the upper bars and attempts to free himself of his restrainment. Unsuccessful, he decides to sit next to Robin and talk to her. ]
Phillip: Hi, Robin!
Robin: Hi, Phillip.
Phillip: Hi, Robin!!
Robin: Hi, Phillip.
Phillip: Hi, Robin!!!
Robin: [ angry ] I said hello already, Phillip! Hello, hello, hello, hello-o-o-o-o!!
Phillip: [ wiping his face ] Okay. I want the news, not the weather.Robin, will you be my Valentine?
Robin: I’m already someone else’s Valentine.
Phillip: Whose?
Robin: An older boy. He gave me chocolates.
Phillip: I don’t like older boys. One time, an older boy tried tomake me eat some poo! He told me it was a tootsie roll!
Robin: Gross.
Phillip: And another ti-i-ime, some older boy peed into asoda can and made me drink it. hey told me it was Mountain Dew.
Robin: Hey, you want a Hertz donut?
Phillip: I’m not supposed to have sugar, I’m hypoglycenic andhyperactive. I’m a hyper-hypo! That’s why I wear a harness. Becausewhen I have sugar, I become a menace to myself and others.
Robin: There’s no sugar in a Hertz donut.
Phillip: Well, okay.. give me a Hertz donut!
[ Robin punches Phillip in the arm ]
Robin: Hurts, don’t it? Get it! [ laughs ]
Phillip: That’s where I got my booster shot!
Robin: Hurts, don’t it? [ keeps laughing ]
Phillip: Whatever.. okay. I love you, you know. [ talks funny ] Ilove you, you know. I have a bubble in my throat. I had a lot of dairyproducts today. I have a bubble in my throat. [ sings ] “Ohhh.. thegirls got the buns, and the boys got the hot dogs! The girls got the buns,and the boys got the hot dogs!”
Together: “The girls got the buns, and the boys got the hot dogs!The girls got the buns, and the boys got the hot dogs!” [ they laugh ]
Phillip: When you hit me in the arm, it didn’t hurt you know.
Phillip: I’m running away from you. You’re making fun of me.[ runs out as far as he can, until the harness holds him back. After acouple of tries, he gives up and resumes sitting next to Robin. ] Okay,I’m staying.. I suppose.. You know, at the risk of sounding pathetic,I’ll ask you again: Will you be my Valentine?
Robin: Okay, Phillip. I’ll be your Valentine, if you wat some ofmy Valentine’s Day’s chocolate.
Phillip: I can’t eat chocolate. I’m not supposed to, on accountsugar makes me go mental.
Robin: [ starts eating some of the chocolate, staining her face ]Mmm.. this choclate is really, really good..
Phillip: You’re the devil!
Robin: If you love me, you’ll have some..
Phillip: No!
Robin: Try some.
Phillip: No!
Robin: Try some!
Phillip: No!
Robin: Try some!
Phillip: No!
Robin: Try some!
Phillip: Alright, alright! [ takes a piece of chocolate ]Well, one couldn’t hurt.. [ grabs the rest of the chocolates andscarfs them down ]
[ high on the sugar in the chocolates, Phillip again tries to run freefrom the playground, but is pulled back by the harness. Too hyper to stophimself, he uses his newfound strength to pry the jungle gym from theground, then runs across the playground dragging the jungle gym behindhim, until he makes his way to the highway ]
Air Date:
