Pete Davidson[Starts with Colin Jost in his set.]
Colin Jost: Pete Davidson turned 21 years old this year. Here to comment on finally becoming an adult is our resident young person, Pete Davidson.[Pete Davidson slides in] [cheers and applause]
Pete Davidson: What’s up, Colin?
Colin Jost: What’s up, Pete?
Pete Davidson: How are you, man?
Colin Jost: How are you? So, you’re 21. What does it feel like to be an adult? You feel like an adult?
Pete Davidson: Kind of. I mean, I’m 6’3″, 140 pounds. [Cut to Pete Davidson] I kind of look like I should be outside of car dealership flapping in the wind. Now, I just moved out of my mom’s house coz like, my mom and sister were just driving me crazy.[Cut to Pete Davidson and Colin Jost]
Colin Jost: Well, maybe you should just talk to them about that, right?
Pete Davidson: Nah, it’s not my style, Colin. I don’t confront people. [Cut to Pete Davidson] You know? I was raised by a woman. So, you know, when you’re raised by a woman, you tell everybody about the problem… except for the person you have the problem with. You know, that’s how my mom does it. She would come home and be like, “I hate that bitch Dian!” I’d be like, “Well, don’t hang out with Dian.” My mom be like, “I have to. She’s my best friend.”[Cut to Pete Davidson and Colin Jost]
Colin Jost: Alright. Well, your must have grown up in some way this year, right?
Pete Davidson: Um, I guess so. I see like, signs here and there. [Cut to Pete Davidson] Like, I don’t like Harry Potter as much I used to. You know? I was a huge Harry Potter fan when I was a kid two years ago. And, that’s why I never got any girls in high school. Probably coz I called high school Hogwarts. Also, now I watch those movies and I get mad that Harry never gets laid. He never does. He’s rich, he’s famous, and he’s a wizard. You know? And girls were just throwing in at him but nope! He never makes a move. He had invisibility cloak. And he used it to read more. If that was me, I would be with four of my buddies in the women wizard locker room and we’d ruin that cloak.[Cut to Pete Davidson and Colin Jost]
Colin Jost: Okay. No. No. Honestly, I have to say, Pete. I have seen you grow a lot this year, you know? Maybe not physically or emotionally, but just, you know, in terms of the passage of time.
Pete Davidson: Thanks, I think! Yeah! I mean, I think I’ll grow up a lot this summer too, you know? [Cut to Pete Davidson] I think I’m gonna finally learn how to be on this show. You know? How did I get on this show, Colin? Did my mom see NBC executive hit a kid and drive off? I don’t now how to sing, I don’t know how to dance, I don’t know how to act… and read… or stand up straight. You know, that’s why I’m only here. This is all I can do. You know? I don’t have to stand up or wear pants. I can’t even do impressions. [Cut to Pete Davidson and Colin Jost] I’ve been working on it. You wanna hear one?
Colin Jost: Yeah, please.
Pete Davidson: Okay. [Cut to Pete Davidson] Here’s my impression. [mimicking President Obama] Let me be clear. I’m running for president.[Cut to Pete Davidson and Colin Jost]
Colin Jost: Alright, it’s not a bad Obama.
Pete Davidson: That’s my Hillary Clinton.
Colin Jost: Oh, my god! Pete Davidson, everybody!
Pete Davidson: How am I here?