Mikey Day[Starts with Ego walking out of Quick Mart. Zoë is filling up the gas tank of her car. They are well dressed.]
Zoë: Is this thing busted or something? It’s taking forever.
Ego: Girl, Biden better do something about these gas prices?
Zoë: I know, right? $6 a gallon. What are they using, casamigos?[Chris walks to them. He looks homeless.]
Chris: Excuse me? I ain’t trying to bother y’all but I’m looking very beautiful tonight.
Ego: Oh, boy.
Zoë: Here we go.
Chris: I just want to know if I can get your number or something, you know I’m saying?
Ego and Zoë: No.
Chris: Damn, saying no. Can I at least like, talk to you for a second? You know what I’m saying?
Zoë: You got a hole in your jacket.
Chris: So what though? What? You got a man or something like that?
Ego: I’m married.
Chris: So what though? I can’t get to know you now?
Ego: You got bags on your feet. [He’s wearing plastic bags instead of shoes]
Chris: So what though? I mean, I can’t talk to you?
Zoë: Talk about what?
Ego: Do you work here or something?
Chris: No, I got no job. But I get money though! [showing his collection of cans]
Zoë: By collecting cans?
Chris: Don’t worry about all that. I’m saying, girl, can I get your phone number or something?
Ego: I think your car is on fire.
Chris: What does that even mean?
Zoë: She means your car is literally on fire right now.[his car is on fire]
Chris: So what though? What you saying, baby? I can’t know your name?
Ego: Is that your baby?
Chris: Is what my baby?
Zoë: The baby in the stroller rolling into the streets.
Chris: Yeah, I guess that’s my baby. Why you can answer my questions though? That’s what I want want to know?
Zoë: Oh my god. What is your question?
Chris: I’m saying can I have your home address?
Ego: No.[Mikey walks out of the store]
Mikey: Oh, what do we have here?
Ego: Oh, God. Will this pump Hurry up?
Mikey: Do my eyes deceive me, or am I looking at my future ex baby mom?
Ego: Ex baby mama? Then how would that happen?
Mikey: I’m saying though. What’s your name baby girl?
Zoë: Dude, are you peeing on yourself right now?
Mikey: Look, man, I’m just trying to get to know you, baby girl.
Chris: This my homie. We’re not trying to bother y’all.
Mikey: Yeah, we just want to know your sign. Are you a Virgo or a Sagittaricruz?
Ego: What happened to your teeth?
Mikey: My what?
Ego: Are you wearing a hospital gown?
Chris: I might be. You going to nurse me?
Zoë: Oh, my God, why is this pump taking so long?
Chris: Girl, when are you going to let me take you out to Harry Potter World and drink some butter beer?[a bird poops on Chris’s head]
Zoë: Do you know a bird just [bleep] on your head?
Chris: Don’t worry ’bout all that, girl.
Mikey: Yo, she got jokes!
Chris: I know, right?
Zoë: Is that a tail?[Mikey has a tail]
Mikey: It might be!
Ego: A tail?
Chris: I’m trying to take you camping.
Mikey: Exactly, my man just trying to take you– [gets hit by a car]
Zoë: Oh, my God! Your friend just got hit by a car.
Chris: Don’t worry about all that. I can’t get a hug, though?
Ego: Okay, girl, let’s just get out of here.
Zoë: Yep.[Engine starts and they leave] [Mikey groaning]
Chris: Man, they was ugly, anyway. Let’s get out of here, man.
Mikey: They was busted!