Bob Dabilda… James Austin Johnson
Thomas… Kenan Thompson
Mia… Quinta Brunson
John… Michael Longfellow
Linda… Punkie Johnson
Announcer: It’s time for ‘Couple Goals’ with your host, Bob Dabilda.
Bob Dabilda: Welcome to ‘Couple Goals’, the game where married couples find out just how well they know each other. Let’s meet today’s contestants. They recently celebrated their 10 year anniversary. It’s Thomas and Mia Anderson.
And they lived across from each other during the pandemic and now they’re married, it’s John and Linda Cronin.
Alright, let’s get started. As you know, your spouse has answered a series of questions before the show and it’s up to you to guess what they said. Question one. What is your wife’s favorite food. Thomas?
Thomas: Oh, come on now, Bob. That’s easy. She’s the queen of burgers.
Bob Dabilda: Sounds pretty confident. Let’s see what Mia said.
Mia: Burgers. I’m the burger queen.
Bob Dabilda: Alright. The Andersons are on the board. Let’s go to the Cronins. John.
John: I’m gonna go with my gut here and say grapes.
Linda: Oh no. I said fish sticks. You’ll get them next time, babe.
Bob Dabilda: All right, question two. What is your husband’s greatest fear?
Mia: I’ve seen this man in the garage. And trust me, the answer is spiders.
Bob Dabilda: Aright, Mia says spiders and Tom has said his greatest fear is… that you’ll fall down the stairs and get hurt so bad that I have to give up my dreams and spend the rest of my life caring for you. Wow. No points on that one.
Mia: That’s your biggest fear?
Thomas: Spiders. Yeah. I should have said spiders.
Bob Dabilda: Okay, moving on with the Cronins. Linda, what is your husband’s greatest fear?
Linda: Oh, I got this. It’s airplanes.
John: No, honey, it’s snakes. Remember?
Linda: Oh, so close.
John: Was it though? Was it?
Bob Dabilda: Okay Anderson’s, next question. What’s something you do in bed that your husband does not like? Mia.
Mia: Well, this is embarrassing. But I’ll say it kiss him before brushing my teeth.
Bob Dabilda: And Tom is sad – Sleep too close to the edge.
Mia: Thomas, you think I’m gonna fall out of bed and break my neck?
Thomas: Ha-ha-ha. Ay, what’s the next question, man?
Bob Dabilda: Over to Linda, what’s one thing you do in bed that your husband does not like?
Linda: I’d have to say get on top.
Bob Dabilda: Okay. And John said –
John: Hog the sheets, babe.
Bob Dabilda: Once again, the Cronins are not remotely on the same page. Next question for the Andersons. What was your biggest fight about?
Thomas: Oh, I know this one. That would be the basketball game incident.
Bob Dabilda: Okay. Thomas says the basketball game incident and Mia says – the time I hit a half court shot at a basketball game and they gave me free rock climbing lessons for life. And you ran out and ripped up the certificate in front of the whole stadium. Five points to the Andersons.
Thomas: We run away with now, huh baby?
Bob Dabilda: Okay, folks, that sound means it’s time for a bonus question. This one’s for you, Mia. Who has had the biggest influence on your husband’s life?
Mia: His father?
Thomas: Yeah. My dad. And my parents are actually here today. How am I doing Dad?
Dad: You’re doing great son.
[His mother is looking at him disappointed]Bob Dabilda: Back to Linda. What is your husband’s dream vacation?
Linda: I don’t know. Snake world.
John: Yeah, yeah, it’s snake world. No, you idiot. I just said I don’t like snakes.
Bob Dabilda: Calling your spouse an idiot and you lose a turn. All right. Mia, what’s your husband’s dream vacation?
Mia: At this point, who knows? But he always said Aruba.
Thomas: Yes. Yes baby.
Mia: Alright, finally. There’s the man I married.
Bob Dabilda: Uh-huh. And what’s that little asterix?
Thomas: Oh, that’s just this.
Bob Dabilda: As long as you’re still healthy. If not then Big Sur with your sister. After years of caring for you together, we will have grown close in away we Never expected. And when we finally climax together under the redwoods, we’ll hold each other and weep. Not just because the pleasure is so intense, but because we finally feel released from our tragic shared burden. Well, you both said Aruba, that five points put you over the top. Anderson’s you have won our grand prize.
Mia: Wait, we did?
Thomas: We won, baby.
Bob Dabilda: And that grand prize is an all expense paid trip to Bali’s Temple of 1000 steps.
Thomas: No!