Kate McKinnon
Guy piano… Andrew Dismukes
Nick Jonas
[Starts with Suzane watching Guy piano playing piano]
Suzane: You play wonderful.
Guy piano: Thank you.
[Suzane pulls out some money from piano collection jar and walks to the bar]
Suzane: Bartender, I’ll take one more if you don’t mind and don’t be stingy with the scotch.
John: [sitting at the bar] Well, hello. I didn’t see you there.
Suzane: You still don’t. You’re looking the wrong way. I’m over here.
John: Oh, I see. There you are. I must have been looking at your reflection in that mirror over there.
Suzane: That’s not a mirror. That’s a painting of a lion with an explorer’s head in it’s mouth.
John: Ah! So it is. You’ll have to forgive me. This is my first time I’ve been out of the house since lockdown.
Suzane: Oh. Same for me. I’m not used to being out in public and I’m definitely not used to flirting with handsome men.
John: Maybe you should give it a try.
Suzane: Alright. How’s this? There are mights in your pillows and if you sleep with your mouth open, I’ll go right in there. That wasn’t good. I’m sorry.
John: No, I thought it was cute.
Suzane: Why don’t you try pickup line on me?
John: Okay. Here’s one. You have beautiful eyes but they’ll look better on my floor.
Suzane: I don’t think you said that right. Um, maybe just try making a flirty face.
John: Like this? [making funny face]
Suzane: Wow. That’s magic. Speaking of magic, would you like to see a little trick as an ice breaker?
John: I insist.
Suzane: Okay. I haven’t done this since before quarantine. So, hope I still can. Now, keep your eye on the cherry stem, alright? [puts the stem in her breasts and pulls out with small flower] I did it.
John: Wow, where did you learn that?
Suzane: Hogwarts. Kidding. Prison. Kidding. Prison. I’ve been to prison a bunch. That’s where I got these tattoos. [showing tattoos on her fists. One hand has “LOVE” and another hand has “HAT”]
John: Ah! Ran out of money before you could get to ‘E’?
Suzane: No, I just love hats. How about you? Do you know any tricks?
John: Oh no. Well, I know one. But it’s dumb.
Suzane: Oh, no, no. Show me. I want to see it. If the trick is anything like you, it must be very handsome.
John: Well, okay. Watch closely. [opens his jacket, and there’s a cat inside] That’s stupid, I didn’t even do it right.
Suzane: Oh, no. I loved it. Bartender, could we get a bowl of milk please?
Bartender: Oh, yes. Right away.
Suzane: Thank you so much. Wow. Great. [Suzane takes the bowl and drinks it herself] I like you
John: I like you. Would you care to dance?
Suzane: I thought you’d never ask.
[Suzane stands and starts dancing]
John: No, I mean with me.
Suzane: Oh. [laughing] I don’t know. It’s been so long since I’ve done anything like that. What song would we dance to?
John: Hey, piano guy!
Guy piano: My name is Guy Piano!
John: Sorry, Mr. Piano. Do you know a good song for dancing with a beautiful stranger?
Guy piano: It’s been a while since I’ve taken request. But how about this? [starts playing piano]
Suzane: Take me up at ball game. Perfect.
John: Shall we?
Suzane: Let’s go slow, okay? [Suzane and John start dancing] I’ve been hurt before. I walked into a sliding glass door.
John: Remember when they would play this at ball games?
Suzane: It’s been so long. I wonder if we remember the words.
John: [singing] Take me out to the ball game
Suzane: Put me out in the snow
Suzane and John: Buy me some peanuts and hacky snacks
John: I wonder what this thing is in on your back
Suzane and John: And it’s one, two, three, four, five, six
and that’s how numbers work
Suzane: Hey, do you think things will go back to normal? Will this beautiful bitch of a city ever be what it once was?
John: It will. I know it will. Do you believe me?
Suzane: I do. And I think I’ve fallen in love with you.
John: And I just realized I don’t even know your name.
Suzane: Ah! Suzane Johnson.
John: Hm. That’s a beautiful name.
Suzane: What’s your’s?
John: John Suzanson.
Suzane: Wow. I guess it’s fate
John: I guess it is.