Donald Trump… Darrell Hammond
Sarah Palin… Tina Fey
Male voice: Coming up next, we go to a rally in Iowa where Donald Trump is about to receive a high profile endorsement.
[Cut to Donald Trump] [cheers and applause]Donald Trump: I am so honored to introduce my guest today. She’s great. Of course she’s great. She is endorsing me, alright? Ladies and gentlemen, governor Sarah Palin.
[cheers and applause] [Sarah Palin walks in]Sarah Palin: Thank you, Iowa. I wanted to take a break from my full time career of writing things on Facebook to fly down her and lend my support to the next president of the United States, Donald J. Trump.
Donald Trump: Hey, America. Isn’t she great? Just the total package. Smart, legs, yelling, everything. I haven’t seen a woman this impressive since Jeb Bush.
Sarah Palin: I’m here because we Americans are struggling. So many of us have lost our jobs at the factory or reality shows about Alaska. We’ve seen our own children targeted by the police for no reason other than they committed some crimes. We turn on the news every morning and are shocked to see we’re not even on it because we’ve been replaced by immigrants like Geraldo Rivera.
Donald Trump: She is fun. She just says whatever she wants. It’s like her mouth starts driving before her brain gets in the car.
Sarah Palin: I’m here for all you teachers and teensters. You farmers and charmers. Whether you’re a mom or two broke girls, or three men and a baby, or a rock n’ roller, holy roller, push and stroller, proboller with a f-sas moller.
Donald Trump: She’s a fire cracker. She’s a real pistol. She’s crazy, isn’t she?
Sarah Palin: Tak-tak-tak-tak-tak-tak is what the mainstream media is spinning. Hazard spinning. They say Trump and his Trumpeters are right winging, bear clinging, proud clingers of our guns, but he can kick ISIS ass because he commands fire.
Donald Trump: I hope nobody is allergic to nuts coz we got a big one here. She’s too Corinthian sort of a bible. And as mirror does everything she says, some kind of dirty.
Sarah Palin: Our president is just bending over for ISIS while crony capitalists are sucking off the teeth and slurping off the gravy train and congress is just working the balls.
Donald Trump: You see what I mean? And I love dirty stuff. I really do but this is too blue even for me. Dear god! She’s still talking.
Sarah Palin: They stomp on our Knicks and say, “What’s the big deal? Take a chill pill gel.” But we are mad, we’ve been had and we’re not so glad “The lorax”.
Donald Trump: She sounds like a greeting card from a Chinese dollar store. Am I supposed to be learning something from this? This is like a Scrooge situation coz I’m not buying it. I’m richer than Scrooge, ghosts love me and I would never give my goose to a Tiny Tim type. Give me a break.
Sarah Palin: Thank you Iowa. God bless some of United States of America.
[Donald Trump takes the podium]Donald Trump: Thank you Sarah. You know, a new poll says I’m up by 11%. This is really happening, people.
Sarah Palin: Guess what America. I don’t really think this guy should be president. I’m just here coz he promised me a spot in his cabinet and I belong in a cabinet coz I’m full spice and I got a great rack.
Donald Trump and Sarah Palin: And live from New York, it’s Saturday night!