Mrs. Walkerson… Ego Nwodim
Mr. Walkerson… Kyle Mooney
Teacher… Jason Sudeikis[Mrs. Walkerson and Mr. Walkerson visit Teacher]
Mrs. Walkerson: Knock, knock.
Mr. Walkerson: Hey, there.
Teacher: Oh, hey. How are you doing? You must be Mr. an Mrs. Walkerson. Right? Great. Please, take a seat. I have heard so much about you two from Skyler.
Mr. Walkerson: Really? Like what?
Teacher: Oh, I’m sorry. Not really. That’s just something I say to all the parents. I apologize for the small chairs.
Mrs. Walkerson: No, it’s alright. But I look ridiculous sitting on this thing.
Teacher: No. Stop. You look great.
Mrs. Walkerson: You know what? I’ll take it.
Teacher: Ah, well, so here’s the headline. Skyler is one cool kid.
Mr. Walkerson: Trust me, he gets that from his mom.
Mrs. Walkerson: Aww, sweetie! Well, first of all we want to thank you for teaching our son to love reading.
Mr. Walkerson: Yeah, he reads every night . It’s amazing.
Teacher: Well, I mean he’s a smart kid. The reading part was easy. The math stuff however, he’s having a tougher time with. Especially, fractions.
Mr. Walkerson: Right, yeah. Now, that he got from me. [laughing]
Teacher: Wow. [to Mrs. Walkerson] I mean, you have a very infectious laugh.
Mrs. Walkerson: Thank you.
Teacher: My pleasure.
Mr. Walkerson: Yeah. [feeling awkward] So, fractions, right? That’s Skyler’s main problem?
Teacher: Yeah, exactly. You know what, I just think he finds math a little boring. Which I get, trust me. But he may need some additional help. Tutor perhaps.
Mr. Walkerson: I see. Yeah. We can do that.
Mrs. Walkerson: Yeah. And are you available?
Teacher: I mean… in what sense?
Mr. Walkerson: Well, you tell me…
Mrs. Walkerson: To tutor our son.
Teacher: No. I don’t see students outside school. It’s just a little rule of mine.
Mr. Walkerson: Seems smart. And how would we find a tutor?
Mrs. Walkerson: Well, do you ever break the rules?
Teacher: Yeah, sometimes. Kind of depends who’s asking.
Mrs. Walkerson: Well, I’m asking.
Teacher: Okay, then.
Mr. Walkerson: I’m sorry. So, yes, you are gonna tutor Skyler? Or…
Teacher: No, no, no. Definitely not. But you know, I do have a list of tutors vetted by the school here.
Mr. Walkerson: Yeah. That’d be great. Yeah. Thank you.
Mrs. Walkerson: Hey, I don’t see your number here.
Mr. Walkerson: He’s not available. He just said that. And you’re not worried about his development or anything, right?
Teacher: No, no, no. Skyler is a total sweetheart. In fact, I’m trying to think. I don’t think I’ve had to punish the little guy once.
Mrs. Walkerson: Punish? Okay. Wow. You did not strike me as the punishing type.
Teacher: Well, you don’t know me very well. Do you, Miss thang?
Mr. Walkerson: Okay, I’m not crazy about the whole miss thang. But anyway, thanks for meeting with us. Yeah, we’ll take a look at this list. And have a great night.
Teacher: Yeah, you too. Enjoy.[Teacher stands]
Mrs. Walkerson: Wait! Are you mad at me?
Teacher: What makes you think I’m mad at you?
Mrs. Walkerson: I don’t know. You seem mad at me. Mr. Mad.
Teacher: Trust me, if I was mad at you, you’d know.
Mr. Walkerson: Well, so, I’m not– I’m actually getting a little mad right now.
Mrs. Walkerson: Well, what are you gonna put me in time out?
Teacher: I don’t know. You deserve it?
Mrs. Walkerson: You tell me. You’re the one in charge.
Teacher: Say it again.
Mrs. Walkerson: You’re in charge.
Teacher: You’re damn right.
Mr. Walkerson: What the hell is going on here?
Teacher: [stands] I want you to walk that sweet thing over to the chalkboard here and write “I’ve been bad”, okay?
Mrs. Walkerson: Yes, sir. Right away.
Mr. Walkerson: Hey, listen pal, I don’t know if you think I’m the kind of guy who just stands by and watches this sort of thing happen with his wife, but I’m not.
Mrs. Walkerson: Should I use the little chalk or the big chalk?
Teacher: I’d say you give the big chalk a shot.
Mrs. Walkerson: Okay. I’m not used to chalk this big.
Mr. Walkerson: Good one, babe. Ha-ha-ha. I’m serious, man. That’s my wife. I’m- I’m gonna do something.
Mrs. Walkerson: I have never felt this way before.
Teacher: I know.
Mrs. Walkerson: I want you so bad.
Teacher: Then have me, my love.[Mrs. Walkerson and Teacher start to make out on the teacher’s desk]
Mr. Walkerson: No! I’m not messing around, okay? I’ma count to three.
Teacher: Hold this. [passes Mr. Walkerson his glasses]
Mr. Walkerson: Okay. One. Two. Two and half. Two and five seven. Oh, I’m so bad at fractions.