Nelson… Beck Bennett
Darla… Heidi Gardner
Rick… Mikey Day
Don Cheadle[Starts with a clip of road side bar] [Cut to Don Cheadle drinking at the bar. Nelson and Rick come to the bar.]
Nelson: Hey Darla, how about two shots of Jack and one peek of that fine ass of yours. Please.
Darla: Keep dreaming, Nelson.
Nelson: What, I said please.
Rick: That you did, Nelson.
Nelson: All right. Cheers, to the open road—[Don Cheadle pushes Nelson’s elbow] Hey, man! What the hell? [Nelson pushes Don Cheadle] Y’all just made me spill my whiskey.[Don Cheadle stands and prepares to fight]
Don Cheadle: You don’t want none of this man.
Nelson: Oh, I reckon I do.
Don Cheadle: Well, I guess we got some business then.
Nelson: All right.[Cut to everybody in the bar]
Rick: Come on, y’all, clear some space. There’s gonna be a fight. [People are preparing, removing tables to make space for the fight]
Nelson: Put my fighting song on, Rick. I want something to listen to while I’m beating this ass.
Rick: You got it, brother. [Rock goes to jukebox and plays the song]
Don Cheadle: Come on, son. Take a swing.
Nelson: I’m fixin’ to.
Don Cheadle: Well, go on then.
Nelson: Ladies first. Come on![Music starts to play] [Don Cheadle is confused]
Don Cheadle: What is the song?[Cut to Nelson]
Nelson: I don’t know.[Cut to Don Cheadle]
Don Cheadle: It’s very bright. It’s very fun. Is this your fighting song?[Cut to Nelson and Don Cheadle]
Nelson: No, hey, rick, what’s up with this song, brother? Did do you a-26?[Cut to Rick]
Rick: Yeah. I’m sorry about that, I think I put on the wrong song.[Cut to Nelson and Don Cheadle]
Nelson: Well, I’m good brother. I ain’t here to listen to music. I’m here to fight.
Don Cheadle: Guess that are makes two of us then.[Nelson and Don are trying to fight, but it looks like they’re dancing to the music]
Nelson: Come on. What you waiting for?[Cut to Don Cheadle]
Don Cheadle: It’s just don’t feel right with this sucking on a lollipop song on. I know you feel it, too.[Cut to Nelson and Don Cheadle. They are actually dancing now.]
Nelson: Yeah, yeah, I do. Darla, can we change the song?[Cut to Darla]
Darla: Yeah, we can’t skip it. Either drink or fight.[Cut to Nelson and Don Cheadle]
Don Cheadle: Well, I want to fight. It just don’t feel right with this song on.
Nelson: So what do we do? Wait it out?
Don Cheadle: Sounds like a plan, bitch![Nelson and Don start dancing]
Ha, you like it.
Nelson: No, I don’t.
Don Cheadle: Yeah, you do. You dancing to it.[Cut to Rick dancing slowly]
Rick: Like, no, he ain’t. He’s just moving his body to the rhythm. Same as the rest of us.[Nelson and Don start dancing]
Don Cheadle: Yeah, that’s called dancing, dumbass.
Nelson: At best I’m boppin’ around. Nothing more, nothing less.
Don Cheadle: Yeah, you keep telling yourself that, punk.
Nelson: What do you reckon this song’s about?[Cut to Don Cheadle]
Don Cheadle: Oh, I think it’s about letting you fight it and not pushing it. That’s what the fella means when he says, “Sucking on your lollipop”.[Cut to Nelson and Don Cheadle]
Nelson: Yeah, that’s what I reckon, too.
Don Cheadle: Yeah, you are right. Your dumb as probably thought it was about candy.[Cut to Nelson]
Nelson: Oh, I want to beat you down so bad. How much longer is this song? And also, what’s it called and who sings it?[Cut to Rick]
Rick: It’s called “Lollipop” it’s by Mika.[Cut to Nelson and Don Cheadle]
Nelson: Oh, don’t let me forget that, bud.
Rick: Looks like, building into a big finish. Good.[Cut to Don Cheadle]
Don Cheadle: Time kick your ass. And is that “Mika” with a “K” or a “C-h”?[Cut to Rick]
Rick: That’s a ‘K’.[Cut to Nelson and Don Cheadle]
Nelson: Oh, here we go. Getting funky.
Don Cheadle: So much going on this song?
Nelson: Oh! Here’s that big finish. Here we go![Everybody in the bar start dancing with Nelson and Don Cheadle] [Nelson and Don Cheadle are holding hands and dancing]
Sucking too hard on your lollipop
or love’s gonna get you down
Sucking too hard on your lollipop
or love’s gonna get you down[The song finished. Everybody is cheering.] [Don Cheadle suddenly punches Nelson]
Nelson: What the hell, man. I thought we were having fun?
Don Cheadle: Fun’s over, punk![Don Cheadle jumps on Nelson] [Cut to the clip of road side bar]