Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 31: Episode 17
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Air Date:Host:Musical Guest:Special Guests:Cameos:Bit Players:
May 6th, 2006
Tom Hanks
Red Hot Chili Peppers
None
None
Liz Cackowski
Bryan Tucker
Jorma Taccone
Bill Frist’s Gas PlanSummary: President George W. Bush (Will Forte) hears out Bill Frist’s (Tom Hanks) new gas plan, which plays out like a late night infomercial.
Recurring Characters: President George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Bill Frist.
Transcript
Montage
Tom Hanks’ MonologueSummary: Tom Hanks fields questions from clergymen, nuns and Jesus (Jason Sudeikis) about his performance in “The Da Vinci Code.”
First Hosted: 85e.
Transcript
Wheel of FortuneSummary: Pat Sajak (Tom Hanks) is flabbergasted when a trio of dumb contestants (Amy Poehler, Fred Armisen, Kristiin Wiig) can’t solve the final letter in the phrase “By the s-in of our teeth.”
KaitlinSummary: Kaitlin (Amy Poehler) is excited to babysit Eli’s (Tom Hanks) pet iguana.
Recurring Characters: Kaitlin, Rick.
Transcript
An SNL Digital ShortSummary: On the streets of New York City in 1991, three friends (Chris Parnell, Kenan Thompson, Will Forte) sample the new song “Please Don’t Cut My Testicles” by Ariell & Ephraim.
Transcript
Universal Theme ParkSummary: Brothers (Tom Hanks, Fred Armisen) standing in line for the “Back to the Future” yell for their disoriented Ma (Rachel Dratch) to locate their whereabouts.
Red Hot Chili Peppers perform “Dani California”First Performed: 91n.
Weekend Update with Tina Fey & Amy PoehlerSummary: Positioned to join “The View” next Fall, Rosie O’Donnell (Horatio Sanz) comments on her rivalry with Star Jones. Drs. Gunther (Fred Armisen) and Patrick Kelly (Will Forte) debate the immigration reform program with a nonsense song.
Recurring Characters: Gunther Kelly, Patrick Kelly.
Claremont Yoga CenterSummary: Laura (Rachel Dratch) is creeped out by the appearance of her sweaty male yoga partner (Tom Hanks).
C-Span After DarkSummary: In an episode of “Colin’s Place”, a political spoof of “Sanford and Son”, Colin Powell (Kenan Thompson) stews about the ongoing situation in Iraq.
Recurring Characters: Colin Powell, Condoleeza Rice.
Red Hot Chili Peppers perform “Give It Away”
Tennis PlayersSummary: One-armed Richard (Tom Hanks) learns that his tennis partner (Will Forte) has replaced him with a three-armed player (Chris Parnell). However, Richard has a trick up his sleeve, as well.
Transcript
GoodnightsTranscript
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Dress Rehearsal Cuts
A Day Without an ImmigrantSummary: When an illegal immigrant housekeeper (Maya Rudolph) takes the day off to join the local boycott, her employers’ (Tom Hanks, Amy Poehler) home life turns to chaos.
Head LiceSummary: Insert live beetles in your hair to get rid of lice.
An SNL Digital ShortSummary: A cop (Andy Samberg) has a difficult time eating with his obtrusive lobster claws.
Gump: The MusicalSummary: In the year 2031, a disgruntled Tom Hanks resumes his lead role in “Gump: The Musical.”
JanitorsSummary: Vasquez (Horatio Sanz) and a fellow janitor (Tom Hanks) are accused of stealing from the office where they clean.
Recurring Characters: Vasquez.
Tech PackSummary: Spokesman (Jason Sudeikis) recommends the Tech Pack for a woman (Kristin Wiig) who’s having a difficult time carrying all of her techno gizmos around the airport.
The ReceptionistSummary: An ugly receptionist (Fred Armisen) annoys visitors to the office.
