Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 1: Episode 6




75f: Lily Tomlin

Edith Ann Film

Edith Ann.....Lily Tomlin

[ begin "Edith Ann" film, showing tiny Edith Ann tying her ice skates from atop a giant bench inside the ice skating rink; she is dressed in a bundle of warm winter clothing. ]

Edith Ann V/O: Hello. My name is Edith Ann, and I'm five-and-a-half years old. Mama says you got to bundle up, so you do not catch a common cold. I have two-and-a-half pairs of socks on; my right foot is colder than my left.

[ Edith Ann clims down the bench, flailing her arms wildly ]

There I go. It's okay, I'm just flexing. Ice skating is not so difficult. It's just like roller skating. Ice skating is like making angels in the snow, only standing up.

[ camera pans out, revealing Edith Ann's dog sitting still behind the bench ]

That's Buster. He's not allowed on the ice, so I pasted his paws to the floor. One time, he went skating wih me, and he turned his ankle; I had to bring him home in a shopping bag.

[ Edith Ann begins to skate on the ice, though at an extremely slow, awkward pace ]

You need very strong ankles to ice skate. I must do some ankle exercises. [ falls down; camera loops it three times ] Hey.. hey! It doesn't really hurt when I fall down, 'cause I put some pot holders in my pants. And, anyways, I meant to do that - and that's the truth. [ blows a raspberry ]

[ fade to black ]


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