Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 2: Mardi Gras Special
The Krewe of Apollo Ball
…..Buck Henry
…..Jane Curtin
…..Penny Marshall
…..Roberts Batson
Jane Curtin: At this year’s parade, the theme will be Sex Crimes of Many Nations. As we speak, they are starting construction on a huge float in the shape of a closet.
Buck Henry: The parade itself was discovered by 16th Century French explorer, Pierre Parade, who was searching for a route from Canal Street to his hotel room.
Jane Curtin: And now, over to Penny Marshall and Cindy Williams at the Apollo Ball.
Penny Marshall: Now?
[ Penny grabs a microphone, continues to stare incoherently for another second or two, sighs into the microphone, then finally begins ]Penny Marshall: Well, the parades and the craziness on the streets are.. the Mardi Gras everyone knows. That is the public Mardi Gras. But there is another private carnival as well. [ flips the notes on her clipboard ] We — Cindy’s not here yet — but we are privileged tonight to be invited to the 8th Annual Ball Masque of the Mystic Krewe of Apollo.
[ cut to a man in a tuxedo escorting a man in a ball gown across the floor ]Penny Marshall V/O: This carnival club has an all-male membership, as many of the other club’s do.
[ cut back to Penny ]Penny Marshall: But, tonight’s ball, the queen, the maids, and the debutantes.. are all being portrayed by the men of this organization. [ looks off to the side ] Uh – there’s a debutante out there now. Isn’t she beautiful? [ looks again ] He’s beautiful.
[ cut to a male debutante being escorted by another male ]Penny Marshall V/O: Here comes another debutante. She’s wearing a white dress, blonde hair with baby’s breath in it. I don’t know the age requirement of the debutantes, but she looks swell.
[ upward diagonal wipe back to Penny clapping ]Penny Marshall: Um — [ turns to the man seated behind her ] Roberts Batson.. do you have anything to describe this attire? Do they pick out their own clothes?
Roberts Batson: Uh – I really don’t know how the dresses are determined, but I would like to say that this is a traditional part of the Mardi Gras balls – the presentation of the debutantes. And almost all of the organizations do their — it usually comes right at the beginning of the ball, following the traditional format of the Mardi Gras ball.
[ cut to the next male debutante being escorted by another male ]Penny Marshall V/O: It’s beautiful. Here comes another debutante.
Roberts Batson V/O: Is it what you expected?
Penny Marshall V/O: [ stunned ] I — nooo, I did not expect this at all. But it’s wonderful.
[ cut back to Penny and Roberts ]Roberts Batson: You know, the dresses are not exactly the same.
Penny Marshall: No, they aren’t. She has a, uh —
Roberts Batson: They all maintain the white dress —
Penny Marshall: [ slightly stammering ] The white dress, yes.
Roberts Batson: — a slight difference in style —
Penny Marshall: And they bow differently —
Roberts Batson: Yes.
Penny Marshall: And they all have escorts. How many debutantes are there?
Roberts Batson: Uh, I believe — [ begins to count ] 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 — six! Six debutantes.
Penny Marshall: Okay. [ to the camera ] We will be coming back to this wonderful ball in a few minutes. [ nervously ] I hope Cindy will, too..
[ fade ]