Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 13: Episode 12
Girl Watchers A Go Go
Girl Watcher #1…..Tom Hanks
Girl Watcher #2…..Jon Lovitz
Other Girl Watcher…..Kevin Nealon
Girl Watcher #1: Oh, yes!
Girl Watcher #2: Yes, indeed!
Girl Watcher #1: 49th and First. Excellent corner for scoping out the babes!
Girl Watcher #2: You said a mouthful!
Girl atcher #1: Whoa! Stop the presses! [ points at woman approaching ]
Girl Watcher #2: What have we here?
Girl Watcher #1: Hel-lo! [ the woman walks past without even blinking ] Good-bye..
Girl Watcher #2: Oh, yes.
Girl Watcher #1: Not interested in me at all.
Girl Watcher #2: No reaction whatsoever.
Girl Watcher #1: You know it, brother. Way too pretty for this hombre.
Girl Watcher #2: Yeah.. Oh, boy.. here comes another live one.
Girl Watcher #1: Mama mia!
Girl Watcher #2: Hel-lo! [ the woman walks past without even blinking ] Good-bye.
Girl Watcher #1: Oh, yeah.
Girl Watcher #2: Out of my league.
Girl Watcher #1: Mine, too.
Girl Watcher #2: Boy.. wouldn’t give me the time ‘o day.
Girl Watcher #1: Well, lookie here!
Girl Watcher #2: Oh.. me likes what me sees.
Girl Watcher #1: Good evening. [ the woman walks past without even blinking ] And good night.
Girl Watcher #2: Yow! Not even eye contact.
Girl Watcher #1: The ladies just don’t like me.
Girl Watcher #2: To say the least.
Girl Watcher #1: My face is just too wide.
Girl Watcher #2: Yeah, and my hairline can’t be helping, either.
Girl Watcher #1: I’d be hurt and disappointed if it didn’t happen so often.
Girl Watcher #2: So true.
Girl Watcher #1: Whoa! Babe alert!
Girl Watcher #2: Oh, yes. [ the woman walks past without even blinking ] Oh, no..
Girl Watcher #1: Like we didn’t even exist.
Girl Watcher #2: Completely indifferent.
Girl Watcher #1: Yes.
Girl Watcher #2: She wasn’t even that attractive. But still out of my reach. A sad comment on my life.
Girl Watcher #1: Yours and mine both. The good Lord gave me this body, and there ain’t no changing it now.
Girl Watcher #2: A-men!
Girl Watcher #1: Yeah, this ol’ head’s just way out of proportion for this body.
Girl Watcher #2: And these eyebrows come together in the most unappealing way.
Girl Watcher #1: Tru-ly sad.
Girl Watcher #2: Okay, here we go. Bottom of the ninth, two outs, full count.
Together: Strike Three!
Girl Watcher #2: So, we are out!
Girl Watcher #1: Why did we even try? We have little sense of fashion, and we can’t even lure them weith money.
Girl Watcher #2: No way. We’ve got low-paying jobs with no hope for advancement.
Girl Watcher #1: And worse yet, I make poor conversation.
Girl Watcher #2: I.. hear ya!
Other Girl Watcher: [ walks up ] Hey, excuse me, fellas, but this is my corner!
Girl Watcher #1: No problem, amigo. We were just calling it quits.
Other Girl Watcher: No luck?
Girl Watcher #2: You know it.
Other Girl Watcher: I’d make fun of you guys, but I am just one sad sack myself.
Girl Watcher #1: Small consolation.
Girl Watcher #2: Oh, yeah.
[ the first two Girl Watchers exit the scene ]Other Girl Watcher: Let the games commence!
[ fade out ]