Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 36: Episode 10
10j: Jeff Bridges / Eminem & Lil Wayne
An SNL Digital Short
…..Andy Samberg
…..Jorma Taccone
…..Akiva Schaffer
…..Akon
…..Blake Lively
…..Jessica alba
…..John McEnroe
[Open to Andy Samberg, Jorma Taccone, and Akon standing on a stage]
(singing)
Andy Samberg: Sometimes, something beautiful happens in this world…
Akon: Akon!
Andy Samberg: And you don’t know how to express yourself, so…
Akon: And Lonely Island!
Andy Samberg: You just gotta sing.
Akon: I just had sex and it felt so good. I wanna let me put my pen*s inside of her. I just had sex and I’ll never go back to the not-having-sex ways of the past.
Andy Samberg: Have you ever had sex? I have; it felt great. It felt so good when I did it with my pen*s. A girl let me do it. It literally just happened.
[Show Blake Lively covering up after sex with Andy Samburg]
Andy Samberg: Having sex can make a nice man of the meanest.
[Cut to “before” and “after” sex pictures of John McEnroe]
Jorma Taccone: Guess where I just came from. I had sex. If I had to describe the feeling, it was the best.
[Jorma gives a thumbs up as Jessica Alba gives a thumbs down]
Jorma Taccone: When I had the sex, man my pen*s felt great and I called my parents right after I was done.
[Show Jorma hugging his parents]
[Samberg comes out of a restroom]
Andy Samberg: Oh hey, didn’t see you there. Guess what I just did. Had sex undressed, saw my poopies and the rest.
Jorma Taccone: Was sure nice of her to let you do that thing.
Andy Samberg: Nice of any girl ever. Now sing.
Akon: I just had sex and it felt so good. I wanna let me put my pen*s inside of her. I wanna tell the world…
Andy Samberg: To be honest, I’m surprised she even wanted me to do it.
Jorma Taccone: Doesn’t really make sense, but man screw it. I’m not really one to argue with a good thing.
Andy Samberg: She could be my wife.
Jorma Taccone: That good?
Andy Samberg: The best thirty seconds of my life.
Jorma Taccone: I’m so open to a girl’s ability to let me do her.
Andy Samberg: ‘Cause honestly I’d have sex with a pile of manure.
[Show Andy Samberg in bed with a pile of manure]
Andy Samberg: With that in mind I know the smell of a girl’s better.
Jorma Taccone: ‘Cause she let me wear my chain and my turtleneck sweater.
[Jessica Alba is weirded out by Jorma in his Blue Turtleneck and chain.]
Akon: So this one’s dedicated to them girls that let us f*ck around on top of them. If you’re near or far, whether short or tall, we wanna thank you all for lettin’ us f*ck you.
Jorma Taccone: She kept looking at her watch.
Akon: Doesn’t matter, you had sex.
Andy Samberg: But I cried the whole time.
Akon: Doesn’t matter, you had sex.
Jorma Taccone: I think she might have been a racist.
Akon: Doesn’t matter, you had sex.
Andy Samberg: She put a bag on my head.
Akon: Still counts! I just had sex and my dreams came true. If you had sex in the last thirty minutes then you’re qualified to sing with me.
People from all over the world: I just had sex and it felt so good. I wanna let me put my pen*s inside of her. I just had sex and I’ll never go back to the not-having-sex ways of the past.
[Fireworks]
Submitted By: Adam Rap
