Colin Jost
Dr. Wayne Wenowdis… Kate McKinnon
[Starts with Colin Jost in his set]
Colin Jost: This week, the FDA advisory panel voted to recommend emergency authorization of the Pfizer vaccine. Here to comment is Weekend Update’s resident medical expert Wayne
[Dr. Wayne Wenowdis slides in]
Dr. Wayne Wenowdis: Ae-yo! Hello.
Colin Jost: Hello, Dr. Wenowis. Great. Now, you are obviously a very distinguished member of your field.
Dr. Wayne Wenowdis: Yes. We know this.
Colin Jost: Yes. We’re so glad you’re here because people are really excited about the vaccine but they also have a lot of questions about it.
Dr. Wayne Wenowdis: Um-hmm. We know this.
Colin Jost: Right. This is a first vaccine from Pfizer.
Dr. Wayne Wenowdis: Yes. We know this.
Colin Jost: And it’s 95% effective?
Dr. Wayne Wenowdis: Um. We love this.
Colin Jost: Okay, great. There’s no major side effects?
Dr. Wayne Wenowdis: Oh, we’re horny for this.
Colin Jost: And the first doses are going to be delivered within days.
Dr. Wayne Wenowdis: Um-hmm. We know this. We see this. We love this. We know this. We know this.
Colin Jost: Right. And just to clarify for the viewers, are you saying “We know this”? Or are you just sort of repeating your own name? Sort of like Pikachu?
Dr. Wayne Wenowdis: It’s a little bit of both, baby.
Colin Jost: Okay. I got you. Americans I think are wondering when they can get it and what the distribution will look like.
Dr. Wayne Wenowdis: Okay. Listen to me. The thing about this vaccine. We know this that we have this. But everything else about the vaccine, who to get this, when we get this, how we get this, we don’t know this.
Colin Jost: Right. Then, even when we’re going to have the vaccine, the third American say they might not take it.
Dr. Wayne Wenowdis: Right. Right. In general we thought with this pandemic, we didn’t do good. It could have been better. But it actually could not have been worse. I don’t know how we do this but we blow this.
Colin Jost: Yes. You might be right. We always appreciate your insight, Dr. Wenodis.
Dr. Wayne Wenowdis: Thank you so much. But before I go, I give you the vaccine live on the air.
Colin Jost: Oh. I don’t know if I should be one of the first ones to get it.
Dr. Wayne Wenowdis: Oh, no. Come on. You’re so handsome.
Colin Jost: Okay, you’re right.
Dr. Wayne Wenowdis: [pulls out a huge injection without needle filled with water.] Come on vaccine. Oh! [sprays the water on Colin Jost’s face] Come on vaccine. It’s a vaccine. We got lots of vaccine.
Colin Jost: Kate? Are you okay?
Dr. Wayne Wenowdis: The answer is no.
Colin Jost: I’m very sorry to hear that.
Dr. Wayne Wenowdis: I think what it is is I stopped going to therapy because I’m really bad on the phone. I do too many pauses. I told her, “Maybe every other week” and then I blocked her number. It’s just like the light at the end of the tunnel has showed us how stinky and bad the tunnel is. It’s like, how will the vaccine get to everybody? We don’t know this. Will we have enough? We don’t know this. Will life ever really go back to normal? This, we do not know this. But what we do know for certain, Colin, is that we know nothing.
Colin Jost: Kate, I know that it feels like it’s going to be forever.
Dr. Wayne Wenowdis: Uh-huh. Yes.
Colin Jost: But as Florence as well as Machine once said, “It’s always darkest before the dawn.” We’re going to get through this together.
Dr. Wayne Wenowdis: We’re going to get what?
Colin Jost: We’re going to get through this.
Dr. Wayne Wenowdis: We know this.
Colin Jost: Dr. Wenowdis
Dr. Wayne Wenowdis: We’re gonna get through this. We gotta get thorough this.