Colin Jost
Michael Che
[Starts with Michael Che in his set. There’s a picture of Serena Williams at right top corner.]
Michael Che: Serena Williams criticized the New York Times after it mistakenly printed a picture of her sister Venus Williams and labeled it as Serena. Worse, The Times then sent an apology letter to Wendy Williams.
[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a pictre of Euphoria poster at left top corner.]
Colin Jost: Fans of the hit HBO show Euphoria had been harshly criticized in the series creator for sexualizing the high school characters. Plus it’s just not accurate. I mean, take it from me, no one has sex in high school. [Picture changes to Colin Jost’s old picture from high school.] Don’t applause that much.
[Picture changes to Capitol building]
The House voted to award the Congressional Gold Medal to the only all female black unit to serve in World War II. And Tyler Perry plays them all and his new film” Inglourious Bersterds”.
[Cut to Michael Che. There’s a picture of Dubai’s museum at right top corner.]
Michael Che: Dubai has opened the museum of the future which attempts to show what the world will be like in 50 years. And let’s just say the museum does not feature a polar bear exhibit.
[Picture changes to a dark room]
A new study finds that 11% of American adults are afraid of the dark, especially if that dark is behind them at the ATM.
[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a pictire of Shamrock Macchiato by Dunkin at left top corner.]
Colin Jost: Dunkin has announced a new beverage called the Shamrock macchiato which combines espresso vanilla and Irish cream. It’s the festive sugary drink that will have you saying “Top O’ the morning” and losing the bottom O’ your leg.
[Cut to Michael Che. There’s a picture of a news article that says “Wallet with $4000 returned tot he owner” at right top corner.]
Michael Che: A man in Times Square returned a lost while it filled with $4,000 cash to its rightful owner. When told how much money was in the return wallet, the man replied… [sound of a gunshot]
[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of the game Wheel of Fortune at left top corner.]
Colin Jost: Pat Sajak is asking Wheel of Fortune fans to stop making fun of the two contestants who were unable to solve an easy puzzle saying, “Have a little heart”, or as the contestants would guess, “Hayes a nipple heave.”
[Cut to Michael Che. There’s a picture of a calendar marking 1st March at right top corner.]
Michael Che: Tuesday was National Pig day, but I told that to a pig and he handcuffed me.
[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of a whiskey at left top corner.]
Colin Jost: According to a new study, just one drink a day may shrink overall volume of your brain. Though I think I speak for all alcohol enthusiast when I say, “Ba?”