Charles…Kenan Thompson
Beth….Kate McKinnon
[Starting with a house in a peaceful neighborhood]Kenan Thompson: Oh, my goodness, the food looks [Cut to everybody having thanksgiving] and smells amazing.
Leslie Jones: Charles, you made it. Stop fishing for compliments.
Beck Bennett: Well it does look great!
Kate McKinnon: Yeah, what are we waiting for? Let’s eat.
Cecily Strong: Oh guys. [Cut to Cecily and Steve] Thanks again for letting your new neighbor tag along to your Friendsgiving.
Steve Carell: Hey, I’m a straggler too.
Cecily Strong: Oh, cool.
Leslie Jones: [Cut to Leslie and Kenan] That’s what neighbors are for.
Steve Carell: Yeah, [Cut to Cecily and Steve] I’m secretly happy that my flight was canceled because I’m afraid of my parent’s dog. It’s like a poodle wolf, it knocks me down, and dominates me.
Kate McKinnon: [Cut to Kate and Beck] That’s weird. You know what I’ve been thinking about, there are no thanksgiving songs.
Leslie Jones: [Cut to Leslie and Kenan] Are there none?
Kenan Thompson: No, there are some. I mean what about “Coming around the mountain”?
Beck Bennett: Oh, [Cut to Kate and Beck] it’s not really a thanksgiving song.
Cecily Strong: No, [Cut to Cecily and Steve] what about the [Cecily starts humming the song]
Steve Carell: Oh yeah, like the rock song. [Steve starts humming]
Cecily Strong: Yeah [dug dug dug…]
Kate McKinnon: [Cut to Cecily and Beck] I guess that proves there’s no famous thanks giving songs.
Cecily Strong: No, no. [Cut to Cecily and Steve] This one’s famous. You know it.
Caught his eye on turkey day as we both bake pumpkin pie
Steve Carell: She flashed a little smile my way can she tell I am shy.
Cecily Strong: Yes, that’s it, yes! [Cut to Leslie and Kenan]
Kenan Thompson: Yeah. No, I definitely don’t know that one. Why don’t we just eat?
Steve Carell: [Cut to Cecily and Steve] Oh no, you know it. Hey, you know what? Why don’t you sing the girl’s parts, and I’ll sing the guy’s parts.
Cecily Strong: Yeah, great, we’ll sing it and then they’ll know it.
Steve Carell: Yeah.
Leslie Jones: [Cut to Leslie and Kenan] You guys don’t have to do this. We don’t have to know.
Cecily Strong: [Cut to Cecily and Steve] I took his hand
Steve Carell: She took my hand
Together Cecily Strong and Steve Carell: We walked into the shed
Kate McKinnon: [Cut to Kate and Beck] And you two don’t know each other?
Together Cecily Strong and Steve Carell: [Cut to Cecily and Steve] No.
Our clothes came off we never said a word
Steve Carell: My thing got scared and my face got red
Leslie Jones: [Cut to Leslie and Kenan] This is not a thanksgiving song.
Cecily Strong: [Cut to Cecily and Steve] Why, what do you mean?
Steve Carell: No, well, it takes place on turkey day, it’s actually kind of a—
Together Cecily Strong and Steve Carell: Cool, sad story.
Kate McKinnon: [Cut to Kate and Beck] His thing got scared?
Cecily Strong: [Cut to Cecily and Steve] Yeah, cause he’s shy.
Beck Bennett: [Cut to Kate and Beck] Okay, we trust you, yeah, it’s a famous thanksgiving rock song.
Cecily Strong: [Cut to Cecily and Steve] You know it if you’d heard the music.
Steve Carell: Oh, you know what? I saw a synthesizer in the closet when I was hanging up my coat. Okay.
Kenan Thompson: You know what, [Cut to Cecily, Steve, Leslie and Kenan] I don’t think that has any batteries actually.
Cecily Strong: I have double As right here.
Steve Carell: Oh, perfect. [Cut to Cecily and Steve] You ready?
Cecily Strong: Yeah, yeah.
Cecily Strong: Side my side in the nude
That’s how we spent our night
Steve Carell: Never touching sometimes crying
pretending we’re all right
Cecily Strong: His thing woke up
Steve Carell: For just a sec
Together Cecily Strong and Steve Carell: But then got scared again [Cut to Leslie and Kenan]
Cecily Strong: The sun came up [Cut to Cecily and Steve] the squirrel walked in
Steve Carell: We laughed and cried again
Cecily Strong: Wait, then there’s a spoken part.
Steve Carell: Oh yeah.
Cecily Strong: “It’s morning, I have to go.”
Steve Carell: “But I’m embarrassed. I failed you!”
Kate McKinnon: [Cut to Kate and Beck] Are they German?
Kenan Thompson: [Cut to Leslie and Kenan] Yeah, they don’t even have thanksgiving there.
Cecily Strong: [Cut to Cecily and Steve] “You didn’t fail me. You tried your best, and I love you. Goodbye!”
Steve Carell: “Wait, what’s your name? Wow! What a turkey day night!”
I never saw her face again
Cecily Strong: And she never saw his thing
Steve Carell: Now every turkey day that comes
Together Cecily Strong, Steve Carell and Leslie Jones: [Leslie joins Cecily and Steve] They have this cool rock song to sing.
Kenan Thompson: Oh, so you know this?
Leslie Jones: Yes, I guess I do!
Beck Bennett: [Cut to Kate and Beck] Oh, wait, is it this? [Kate and Beck standing up]
Now every turkey day that comes
Kate McKinnon: They think of how they missed their chance
Kenan Thompson: [Cut to Kenan] Our lives are short, our love is real
Everybody: [Cut to everybody singing and dancing] Now we do the turkey dance
Our lives are short and love is real
Now we do the turkey dance.
Kenan Thompson: Wow, man I can’t believe we all knew that song.
Steve Carell: [Cut to Steve] Or maybe it was just the magic of thanksgiving. [Cut to everybody. Cecily is missing] Wait, where did she go? She’s gone. Just like the song.
Kenan Thompson: Where did you friend go Beth?
Kate McKinnon: [Cut to Beth and Beck] She wasn’t with me. I thought you knew her.
Beck Bennett: No.
Steve Carell: She was the love of my life.
Leslie Jones: Well, our car keys are gone.
Kate McKinnon: [Cut to Kate and Beck] And didn’t you have a TV there?
Beck Bennett: I think she stabbed me! Does that look like a stab?
Steve Carell: [Cut to Steve] Life is short and love is rare [Cut to everybody]
Leslie Jones: Stop singing, call the police!
Steve Carell: Now we do the turkey dance.
Beck Bennett: I’m bleeding real bad. I’m bleeding bad. Oh.