PJ Charnt… Kristen Wiig
Nell… Aidy Bryant
Patty… Cecily Strong
Christy… Kenan Thompson[Starts with PJ Charnt taking a video of herself showing her hair.]
PJ Charnt: Hey, it’s me, PJ Charnt. This is my hair vlog where I answe questions and give hair advice, and just inspire you with the beautiful hair I have. Look at it. [phone ringing] Oh, we have our first video caller, all the way from Tucson. And her name is Nell. ‘Sup, Nell.
Nell: I’m sorry. I’m just so excited to meet you. I watch your vlog all the time on the toilet.
PJ Charnt: Aww.
Nell: I don’t know if you can tell, my hair is very flat and it’s kind of very greasy andI just don’t know that I’m doing wrong.
PJ Charnt: Well, why don’t you tell me your daily regimen?
Nell: I wash my hair every day. I use very little conditioner.
PJ Charnt: Well that’s good.
Nell: And I blow dry my hair with a round brush.
PJ Charnt: Good.
Nell: And then I style it with margarine.
PJ Charnt: Wait, what size round brush are you using?
Nell: I knew it. My round brush needs a bigger circumference.
PJ Charnt: Yes, you got it. Anyway, try it out and check in with me next week, okay?
Nell: I will. I wish I could have hair like your’s.
PJ Charnt: You won’t. Bye, Nell. Oh my gosh. I’m getting a text from my hilarious best friend, Patty. She sends the funniest hair gifts. You guys, let’s all watch it together. Warning, if you’ve just had stomach surgery in the last week and you still have stitches, you may not be able to watch how funny this is.[Cut to a meme]
Patty: Did you think it was funny?
PJ Charnt: Patty!
Patty: Okay, show me exactly what you did when you got it.
PJ Charnt: I went like this. [giggling and showing off her hair.]
Patty: I got to go. Bye.
PJ Charnt: Oh, okay. [phone ringing] We’ve got another video call coming in, this one is from Tucson. It says here their name is Christy, although I’m told it’s a man.
Christy: Hi, I’m Christy. So, PJ, I’m a house painter. And i have the biggest Zoom interview of my life this afternoon. It’s to paint the exterior of Caesar’s palace. And I want to look my best, bu tI can’t get my normal blow-out.
PJ Charnt: You’re in a pickle.
Christy: I’m in a jar of pickles. Help me, PJ Charnt.
PJ Charnt: Christy, do you have a car with a sunroof, a can of quick hold hair spray, a large-toothed comb and long legs?
Christy: PJ, you’re genius. I know exactly what to do. I’ll see you later. [showing his blow dtyer and car keys.]
PJ Charnt: Bye. [message notification] Oh! Patty sent me another text. Guys, it’s going to be another hair-larious hair gif. Again, if you’ve had surgery in the last week and you have stitches, I don’t think you should watch this.[Cut to a meme.]
Patty: What do you think? He’s blow drying her hair, but her hair is spaghetti. [giggling] [PJ Charnt isn’t laughing. She looks angry.]
PJ Charnt: I know what it is and I don’t think it’s funny. Pasta as hair isn’t funny. Only hair should always only be hair.
Patty: I’m sorry.
Just think that, Patty, I don’t want to talk to you for like, a really long time.
PJ Charnt: Anyway, that’s our show. Tune in next week where guess what we’re gonna talk about? And if you want to have hair like mine, you never will. But I’m sure you have other stuff going on.