First gentleman… Keegan-Michael Kay
Second gentleman… Bowen Yang[Starts with two waiters serving two ladies]
Andrew: And here are your olives, ladies.
Mikey: Let us know if you need anything else.
Aidy: Thank you. Wow, thanks for meeting me here.
Kate: It was totally worth driving two hours to get to this bar. What part of New York is this?
Mikey: Ladies, sorry to interrupt. [bringing in cocktails] But the gentlemen at the end of the bar has sent you each a drink.
Aidy: Okay, really? That’s kind of fun.
Kate: Yeah. Back in business, who was it?[There’s a guy wearing creepy outfit at the bar]
Oh, thank you.
Aidy: Wow. Not sure what that outfit is. But cool.[Mikey walks in again]
Mikey: Ladies, the gentleman down the bar has also sent you food. Here are 100 oysters.
Aidy: Oh, no.
Kate: That sounds expensive.
Mikey: No. He actually brought them with him. So, I would not eat them.
Aidy: Yes. I don’t think that we will.
Mikey: He also sent this. [gives them a scarf]
Kate: What is this? It’s arm. [it’s not a scarf. It’s a shirt.] Oh, it’s his shirt.
Aidy: What is LL Beeve?
Mikey: Should I tell him you like it?
Kate: I think we’re good.
Mikey: Got it.
Kate: Wo, how has your year been?
Aidy: Good. I went on a fairest real for the first time.
Kate: What did you call it?
Andrew: Ladies, I’m sorry to interrupt but you’ve been sent a drink by the man at the other end of the bar.
Kate: Oh, thank god. Maybe he’ll be hot.[There’s another guy wearing similar creepy outfit.]
Aidy: Oh, dear god. Another one.
Kate: I’m sorry. Is there some kind of conference these two attended together?
Andrew: Yes. They’re either here for ComicCon or the Porn Producer’s Reunion. Not sure which.
Mikey: Hi, again, the gentleman has passed you a note.
Aidy: Oh, okay. Well, this is just a printout of Wikepedia page for sex which I didn’t even know they had.
Andrew: And my gentleman has a note as well.
Kate: Okay. This one says “You’d be an amazing dentist. I’ll put you through dental school.” And he signed it ‘Michael Fastbender’.
Aidy: I think they think they’re in some kind of bidding war. But I hate that they think we’re their sexual ego.
Kate: Yes. We’re not going home with either of them.
Kate: Are we?
Aidy: I don’t know. I mean, I don’t love what that one’s doing.
Kate: Yes. I think he’s smiling but I don’t now.
Aidy: I think he thinks he’s smiling.
Kate: Okay. Now, the other one’s doing that thing where you kind of turn around and pretend you’re kissing someone.
Aidy: Yeah. But he’s still facing us.
Kate: Okay. Now, that one’s doing a magic trick.
Aidy: Oh, he pulled a coin from his own ear. Maybe it seems like he just put it there.
Kate: And okay. This one’s playing charades.
Aidy: Okay. One word, two syllables. Okay, he just mouthed the word ‘penis’.
Kate: I mean, it’s been a year since I hooked up with someone. Should I just do it?
Aidy: Honestly, maybe. I mean, the last FaceTime date I went on turned out to be a pocket dial.
Mikey: Again, the gentleman at the end of the bar has sent you a gift to wear.
Aidy: Oh, okay. Well, it’s an Elsa dress. That’s weird. But it’s something.
Andrew: And the other gentleman has sent you a condom on a plate.
Kate: Okay. It says ‘creamed for her scrutiny’. That’s thoughtful, I guess.
Mikey: Oh no, I think my gentleman senses the other one is closing in.[The first guy shows a knife to the second guy]
Andrew: My gentleman accepts the challenge.[The second guy pulls out a knife as well]
Aidy: Wow, they pulled out tiny swords.
Kate: They’re fighting to the Pirates of Caribbean sound.
Aidy: Oh, they’re having a duel for our honor.
Kate: Honestly, I don’t hate it.[They both stab each other]
I think they both died. Well, no one has ever fought over me before.
Aidy: Me either.[The gentlemen stand up and takes a bow]
Now, that was hot.
Kate: Fully horny. Let’s do this.
First Gentleman: To be clear, we are virgins.
Aidy: Oh, yes. We know.
Kate: Let’s go.