Martin Herlihy[Starts with three writers just chatting in their office on Thursday night]
Ben Marshall: One of them is like, a horse.
John Higgins: Um, it can be fun.[door knocking] [Assistant walks in]
Assistant: Hey, you guys ready to meet with Rami?
Ben Marshall: Yeah, send him in. Totally.
Rami Malek: What’s up, fellas?
Ben Marshall: Have a seat.
Martin Herlihy: Pretty good.
John Higgins: Hey, buddy. How’s it going?
Rami Malek: Good. How you doing?
Ben Marshall: Good. Good. First time hosting SNL. How’s it going?
Martin Herlihy: Exciting, right?
Rami Malek: I’m almost through the first week.
John Higgins: Yeah.
Rami Malek: And the whole time, I feel like I’ve been on good behavior.
John Higgins: Yeah, dude. You’ve been killing it.
Martin Herlihy: Yeah.
Rami Malek: So, it feels like I deserve a treat.[Ben Marshall, John Higgins and Martin Herlihy are confused]
Martin Herlihy: Um, what’s that?
Rami Malek: A treat, for being on good behavior. You know, like a cookie or a toy.
Ben Marshall: Oh, yeah.
Rami Malek: It just feels like, if there’s no reward, I mean, why should I be on good behavior at all? [looks deadly at Ben Marshall]
John Higgins: Um, that’s a good question.
Ben Marshall: Oh, yeah. How about my mousepad?
John Higgins: Ben’s Mouse pad. It can be fun, right?
Rami Malek: Yeah. I’ll put that in my house.
John Higgins: Yeah. Hey, we have this idea for you–
Rami Malek: I’d like another treat.
Martin Herlihy: Man, I don’t know if we have more treats for you.
John Higgins: Seriously, dude.
Rami Malek: Fine. Well, in that case, I guess I’ll just be on bad behavior.[Rami Malek knocks a drink off of their table]
Ben Marshall: What?
Martin Herlihy: Are you kidding me, Mr. Robot?
John Higgins: Come on, man.[Rami Malek is pointing at a Redbull can]
Ben Marshall: Rami, no. no.[Rami Malek knocks the can off the table]
John Higgins: Oh my god.[Rami Malek opens the fridge]
Ben Marshall: Don’t go in the fridge.
Rami Malek: Is this your food?
John Higgins: Do not touch that tortellini–[Rami Malek throws the sandwich into garbage can]
Martin Herlihy: Oh my god.
Rami Malek: I want more treat.
Martin Herlihy: Uh-uh, Rami.[Rami Malek just starts throwing everything into the garbage can]
John Higgins: I could hit him.
Martin Herlihy: You promised never.
Rami Malek: A song can be a treat.
Martin Herlihy: A song?
Ben Marshall, John Higgins and Martin Herlihy: [singing] I know when that hotline bling
that can only mean one thing
John Higgins: Rami, I’m going to freak out. No!
Martin Herlihy: Be careful, do not touch the roof.
Rami Malek: Give me more treat.
Martin Herlihy: Oh, sure. I’ll give you a treat. [pulls out a gun] I’ll give you a one way trip to hell.
Ben Marshall: Martin, no.
Martin Herlihy: No, I’m thinking about it. I’m honestly thinking about it.[Rami Malek is staring at a laptop]
John Higgins: No! No! No![Rami Malek is ready to throw the laptop]
Ben Marshall: Why are you acting like this?
Rami Malek: Because I’m scared. SLN is almost over. And after this, I’m gonna have to go out into the real world .
Martin Herlihy: Rami, sweetheart, you’re gonna do great.
Rami Malek: But I’m really gonna miss you guys.
John Higgins: You’re gonna make so many new friends.
Ben Marshall: And we’ll still be here for you. So, what do you say you just–[Rami Malek hits the laptop on the table and storms out]
John Higgins: Oh come on! Man!
Martin Herlihy: I should have shot him.