Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 33: Episode 3


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Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

Cameos:



Bit Players:



October 13th, 2007

Jon Bon Jovi

Foo Fighters

None

Richie Sambora

Jack Nicholson

Liz Cackowski

Steve Higgins

Amy Poehler's House
Summary: In 1986, Jon Bon Jovi jumps out of a poster to offer words of condolence to a teenaged Amy Poehler.

Transcript


Montage


Jon Bon Jovi's Monologue
Summary: Audience members (Liz Cackowski, Srteve Higgins) are less-than-enthused that Jon Bon Jovi is hosting the show and not performing his music, but Richie Sambora manages to coax him into performing "Lost Highway" with their band.

Bio: Jon Bon Jovi (1962-). Musician; lead singer and founder of hard rock band Bon Jovi since 1983; founded Arena Football League team Philadelphia Soul with Richie Sambora in 2004.

Bio: Richie Sambora (1959-). Musician; lead guitarist of Bon Jovi since 1983; married to actress Heather Locklear, 1994-2007.

Note: Jon Bon Jovi has to assist Richie Sambora with his line when he can't make out the words on the cue card.

Transcript


Ohhhhh!
Summary: The game show by guys from New Jersey for guys from New Jersey.


A Visit with Former Vice-President Al Gore
Summary: Recent Nobel Prize recipient Al Gore (Darrell Hammond) shows off the many other awards and trophies he has won recently.

Recurring Characters: Al Gore.


An SNL Digital Short
Summary: Andy Samberg is the master of comic violence in "People Getting Punched Just Before Eating."

Transcript


Postseason '07
Summary: Dane Cook (Jason Sudeikis) is the unlikely spokesman for Major League Baseball.

Transcript


La Revista Della Televisione
Summary: Fast-talking Italian talk show host Vinny Vedecci (Bill Hader) interviews Jon Bon Jovi.

Recurring Characters: Vinny Vedecci.

Transcript


Weekend Update with Amy Poehler & Seth Meyers
Summary: Anticipating a potential writer's strike, NBC employee Rosa Santiago (Maya Rudolph) practices a few news jokes. Josh Drimmer (Andy Samberg), the naked guy from Times Square, wanders onto the Weekend Update set. Political comedian Nicholas Fehn (Fred Armisen) scours for jokes in newspaper headlines.


Foo Fighters perform "The Pretender"
First Performed: 95g.


Where's My Purse?
Summary: In outer space, Captain Wallace (Kristen Wiig) is ready to sacrifice mission when her purse up and disappears.

Transcript


Postseason '07 II
Summary: Dane Cook (Jason Sudeikis) is still the unlikely spokesman for Major League Baseball.

Transcript


Notre Dame Football on NBC
Note: This ad parody was cut from the dress rehearsals of the last two episodes.


What To Call The Band
Summary: In Sayreville, New Jersey, 1984, Jon Bon Jovi is relentless with his suggestion that the band should name themselves after him instead of going with something unique like "Natural Disaster."


Iconoclasts
Summary: Two great minds -- Björk (Kristen Wiig) and Charles Barkeley (Kenan Thompson) -- spend an afternoon together at the Cheesecake Factory.

Recurring Characters: Björk.

Transcript


Goodnights / Bon Jovi performs "Who Says You Can't Go Home?"
First Performed: 92j.

Transcript






Desk Photos
Summary: While making deliveries, UPS drivers (Kenan Thompson, Jon Bon Jovi) make comments about the framed photos on the desk of office workers.


Maybelline For Men Only
Summary: There's no need to question the authenticity of the product, because it says it's "For Men Only" right there on the box.

Note: This ad parody will air on the episode hosted by Brian Williams.


Blackwater
Summary: A talk show for military officers.


Go Ahead
Summary: A man (Jason Sudeikis) makes distracting hand gestures as another man (Jon Bon Jovi) comes to him for help.


Baseball Promo
Summary: George Carlin (Fred Armisen) discusses the intials of various baseball teams.

Recurring Characters: George Carlin.



SNL Transcripts