Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 1: Episode 3

75c: Rob Reiner


Ed.....John Belushi
Wife.....Gilda Radner

Don Pardo: A message from the National Pancreas Association!

[FADE IN on Gilda Radner and John Belushi as a married couple in their living room. John has a long face, and Gilda stares at him with concern.]

Ed: You know, honey, I donít feel good.

Wife: Well, thatís too bad, Ed. Did you ever think that it might be your pancreas?

Ed: Gee, honey. I must have unthinkingly ruled my pancreas out. Iíll check on it first thing in the morning.

[FADE to a doctorís office and SUPERIMPOSE the caption ďTHE NEXT DAY.Ē Dan Aykroyd, as the doctor, looks at a medical chart and shakes his head.]

Doctor: Iím sorry, Ed. Your pancreas is on the fritz. You came to me just in time. Reminds me of a little joke. Knock, knock.

Ed: Whoís there?

Doctor: [matter-of-factly] Edís pancreas.

Ed: Edís pancreas who?

Doctor: I donít know, Ed. But I know this: good glands donít grow on trees.

Ed: Yeah. I guess I havenít done right by...

[dramatic pause]

Ed: My pancreas.

[FADE to Edís wife smiling sweetly and waiting for him to come in. SUPERIMPOSE the caption ďLATER THAT NIGHTĒ as Ed enters the room and sits down on the couch.]

Wife: Geez, Ed, you look like a million bucks! How are you feeling?

Ed: Fit as a fiddle. A fiddle with a healthy pancreas. Ha, ha, ha, ha!

[They kiss once and both grin at the camera.]

[dissolve to art card: "Brought to you by your National Pancreas Association"]

[ dissolve onto audience, zoom in on smiling woman, with SUPER: "Has Been To Lee Radziwell's House"]

Submitted by: Joe Cornfield

SNL Transcripts