Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 13: Episode 5

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Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


November 21st, 1987

Candice Bergen


Paul Shaffer & The World's Most Dangerous Band

Sydney Biddle Barrows

A Message From the Vice-President of the United States
Summary: Vice-President George Bush (Dana Carvey) announces that he's staged a coup in order to deter his status as a wimp.

Recurring Characters: George Bush.


Candice Bergen's Monologue
Summary: While clutching a live turkey, Candace Bergen tells the audience about the pet turkey she had as a child.

First Hosted: 75d.

Pumping Up With Hans & Franz
Summary: Hans (Dana Carvey) and Franz (Kevin Nealon) will put girly man Helmut (Phil Hartman) through an extensive and cruel exercise regime.

Recurring Characters: Hans, Franz, Helmut.

Anne Boleyn
Summary: King Henry VIII's exiled wife, Anne Boleyn (Candace Bergen), decides how she wants to die following their divorce.

Judge Anthony Kennedy Ad
Summary: Machine parts will be taxed.

Ching Change
Summary: Ching Change's (Dana Carvey) sister Loose (Nora Dunn) dates a positive ethnic stereotype (Phil Hartman).

Recurring Characters: Ching Change, Loose.

Cher with Paul Shaffer & The World's Most Dangerous Band performs "We All Sleep Alone"
Bio: Cher (1946-). Singer-songwriter/actress; with Sonny Bono, comprised pop duo/TV variety act Sonny & Cher from 1964-75; married for the same length of time, producing one daughter, Chastity; later married rocker Gregg Allman, 1975-79; won the Academy Award for Best Actress for "Moonstruck" (1987).

Bio: The World's Most Dangerous Band are the house band on "Late Night with David Letterman", 1982-93; in addition to Shaffer, a former musical director on "SNL", members are: Will Lee (bass guitar), Sid McGinnis (guitar), and Anton Fig (drums and percussion); the group would later double when Letterman moved operations to CBS for "The Late Show with David Letterman", 1993-.

Weekend Update with Dennis Miller

Thanksgiving Prostitution
Summary: The original Mayflower Madam (Candace Bergen) organizes a group of prostitutes for the pleasure of the Indians.

Bio: Sydney Biddle Barrows (1952-). Mayflower Madam; ran high-class prostitution/escort service in New York City from 1979-84; portrayed by Candice Bergen in the 1987 TV-movie based on her biography.

Country Through & Through
Summary: Country singer's (Dana Carvey) album expresses his humiliation.

Cher with Paul Shaffer & The World's Most Dangerous Band performs "I Found Someone"

Thought Balloons
Summary: Their visual thoughts differ from a couple's (Phil Hartman, Candace Bergen) conversation.

Peeping Tom
Summary: A peeping Tom (Kevin Nealon) watches as newly released Mace (Phil Hartman) tries to seduce a prostitute (Jan Hooks).

Recurring Characters: Mace.


SNL Transcripts