Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 13: Episode 6






87f: Danny DeVito / Bryan Ferry

Handi-Off

Sheila.....Victoria Jackson
Male Worker #1.....Kevin Nealon
Male Worker #2.....Dennis Miller

[ open in office ]
Sheila: [ hands paper to Male worker #1 ] Here's the rough design. I'll have the rest in the morning.

Male Worker #1: Nice girl.

Male Worker #2: Yeah, she really is. Too bad about her hands.

[ Sheila looks at her hand sadly, revealing that she has seven fingers on each hand ]

Announcer: You've tried sanding them off. You've tried slamming them off. And mitts only hide the problem. There's no way around it - you've got extra fingers. It's time for Handi-Off. Only Handi-Off contains Leprosin. [ Sheila applies Handi-Off to her extra fingers ] That tingle will tell you it's working. In just three days, unsightly fingers disappear - for good! [ Sheila's extra fingers fall off ]

[ back at the office ]

Male Worker 2: Hey, Sheila. Pick you up at six?

Sheila: Let's make it five! [ holds her hand up to reveal she now has five fingers on each hand, and winks at the camera ]

Announcer: Subtract your extra digits with Handi-Off. Now there's new Toe-Riffic for toes.


Submitted by: Tony DuMont


SNL Transcripts