Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 18: Episode 7
The Proud Pattersons
Mr. Patterson…..Sinbad
Renee Patterson…..Ellen Cleghorne
Young Patterson…..Chris Rock
Adrian Patterson…..Tim Meadows
FADE IN:
TITLE CARD DISPLAYS THE OVERACTING NEGRO ENSEMBLE
Announcer: The Overacting Negro Ensemble proudly presents
DISSOLVE TO A FAMILY PORTRAIT OF THE PATTERSONS, A MIDDLE-AFRICAN AMERICAN FAMILY, POSING DIGNIFIED IN THE PHOTOGRAPH.
SUPER: The Proud Pattersons
Vocalist: [singing]Aint got much,
but we got our pri- – de.
Mmm-mmm.
SUPER: Starring Ossie Davis Jr. & Rubilette Dee.
INT. PATTERSON LIVING ROOM NIGHT
MR. PATTERSON, late 50s, slight gray hair, plaid shirt, chit-chats with his SON on the couch while they watch television and enjoy dinner.
Mr. Patterson: Renee! Bring over some salt!!
RENEE PATTERSON, in floral dress, gray hair, cardigan, sweeps in and raises her arms in the air.
Renee Patterson: MY CHICKEN-FRIED STEAK DONT NEED NO SALT!!
Mr. Patterson: Listen, woman!! My taste buds want salt!! And this is one man who aint going to deny his taste buds!!
Renee Patterson: Then you get up! And you get that salt yourself!
Renee trembles in tears and clutches her hands to her chest.
Mr. Patterson: I! Aint! Getting! Up! What you watching, son!?
Young Patterson: Im just flippin around, daddy!
Mr. Patterson: MY! Boy! Doesnt flip around! You going to turn that TV! To! Rescue 9-1-1!! And we going to keep it on Rescue 9-1-1!!
Renee moves closer to the man, shaking her hands over and over again.
Renee Patterson: We aint going to watch no Rescue 9-1-1!! Not under this roof!! Not this family!!
Renee points to her son and clenches her fists.
Renee Patterson: You going to turn that channel and we going to watch the movie-of-the-week!! About the serial killer woman in Florida!!!
Renee tilts her head to the roof, eyes blood-shot red and watered.
Renee Patterson: And you going to like it!!
Mr. Patterson rises from the couch.
Mr. Patterson: I! Am! A! Man! I work 14 hours a day! I paid for that TV! With my sweat! And when I come home, I want to see Captain Kirk on that screen!
Young Patterson rises from the couch.
Young Patterson: Whats happening to us?!?! This aint a family no more!! Why cant we just agree!?!?
Young Patterson reaches onto Renees arms and they both cry in exaltation.
Mr. Patterson: MY! Son! Does not cry!
Renee slaps Mr. Patterson.
Renee Patterson: I aint raising no more sons! That! Cant! Speak their mind!
ADRIAN PATTERSON, early 30s, in trench coat and suit, ENTERS.
Adrian Patterson: Hey, folks!
Renee Patterson: ADRIAN! Oh, my baby! You came home!! Where you been!?!?
Adrian Patterson: In Cleveland. Remember? I have a job there. Its Thanksgiving. Im visiting.
Mr. Patterson: Why you always running away, boy!!!
Renee Patterson: My boys! Dont have to run out of town! You stand and be strong and tall!!
Adrian Patterson: What do you mean? Im an engineer. Its a great job.
Mr. Patterson: Dont! You! Talk! To your mother like that! You! Raise! Your voice when you speak to you mother!
Adrian Patterson: Man, just relax a little bit. You guys expend so much energy that maybe if you calmed down, youd get somewhere.
Overacting Pattersons: Oh! Oh!
All of them corner Adrian to the wall, pointing at him.
DISSOLVE TO THE FAMILY PORTRAIT OF THE PATTERSONS
SUPER: The Proud Pattersons
Vocalist: [singing]Yes, we got our pr-id-id-e!
END
Submitted by: Cody Downs
