Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 18: Episode 7




92g: Sinbad / Sade

The Proud Pattersons

Mr. Patterson.....Sinbad
Renee Patterson.....Ellen Cleghorne
Young Patterson.....Chris Rock
Adrian Patterson.....Tim Meadows

FADE IN:

TITLE CARD DISPLAYS “THE OVERACTING NEGRO ENSEMBLE”

Announcer: The Overacting Negro Ensemble proudly presents…

DISSOLVE TO A FAMILY PORTRAIT OF THE PATTERSONS, A MIDDLE-AFRICAN AMERICAN FAMILY, POSING DIGNIFIED IN THE PHOTOGRAPH.

SUPER: The Proud Pattersons

Vocalist: [singing]
“Ain’t got much,
but we got our pri- - de.
Mmm-mmm.”

SUPER: Starring Ossie Davis Jr. & Rubilette Dee.

INT. PATTERSON LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

MR. PATTERSON, late 50’s, slight gray hair, plaid shirt, chit-chats with his SON on the couch while they watch television and enjoy dinner.

Mr. Patterson: Renee! Bring over some salt!!

RENEE PATTERSON, in floral dress, gray hair, cardigan, sweeps in and raises her arms in the air.

Renee Patterson: MY CHICKEN-FRIED STEAK DON’T NEED NO SALT!!

Mr. Patterson: Listen, woman!! My taste buds want salt!! And this is one man who ain’t going to deny his taste buds!!

Renee Patterson: Then you get up! And you get that salt yourself!

Renee trembles in tears and clutches her hands to her chest.

Mr. Patterson: I! Ain’t! Getting! Up! What you watching, son!?

Young Patterson: I’m just flippin’ around, daddy!

Mr. Patterson: MY! Boy! Doesn’t flip around! You going to turn that TV! To! “Rescue 9-1-1!!” And we going to keep it on “Rescue 9-1-1!!”

Renee moves closer to the man, shaking her hands over and over again.

Renee Patterson: We ain’t going to watch no “Rescue 9-1-1!!” Not under this roof!! Not this family!!

Renee points to her son and clenches her fists.

Renee Patterson: You going to turn that channel and we going to watch the movie-of-the-week!! About the serial killer woman in Florida!!!

Renee tilts her head to the roof, eyes blood-shot red and watered.

Renee Patterson: And you going to like it!!

Mr. Patterson rises from the couch.

Mr. Patterson: I! Am! A! Man! I work 14 hours a day! I paid for that TV! With my sweat! And when I come home, I want to see Captain Kirk on that screen!

Young Patterson rises from the couch.

Young Patterson: What’s happening to us?!?! This ain’t a family no more!! Why can’t we just agree!?!?

Young Patterson reaches onto Renee’s arms and they both cry in exaltation.

Mr. Patterson: MY! Son! Does not cry!

Renee slaps Mr. Patterson.

Renee Patterson: I ain’t raising no more sons! That! Can’t! Speak their mind!

ADRIAN PATTERSON, early 30’s, in trench coat and suit, ENTERS.

Adrian Patterson: Hey, folks!

Renee Patterson: ADRIAN! Oh, my baby! You came home!! Where you been!?!?

Adrian Patterson: In Cleveland. Remember? I have a job there. It’s Thanksgiving. I’m visiting.

Mr. Patterson: Why you always running away, boy!!!

Renee Patterson: My boys! Don’t have to run out of town! You stand and be strong and tall!!

Adrian Patterson: What do you mean? I’m an engineer. It’s a great job.

Mr. Patterson: Don’t! You! Talk! To your mother like that! You! Raise! Your voice when you speak to you mother!

Adrian Patterson: Man, just relax a little bit. You guys expend so much energy that maybe if you calmed down, you’d get somewhere.

Overacting Pattersons: Oh! Oh!

All of them corner Adrian to the wall, pointing at him.

DISSOLVE TO THE FAMILY PORTRAIT OF THE PATTERSONS

SUPER: The Proud Pattersons

Vocalist: [singing]
“Yes, we got our pr-id-id-e!”

END


Submitted by: Cody Downs


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