For Die Hard Saturday Night Live Fans
Air Date:
Host:Musical Guest:Special Guests:
April 18th, 1987
John Larroquette
Timbuk 3
None
Timbuk 3, “Hairstyles & Attitudes”
Recurring Characters: Casey Kasem,
Recurring Characters: Robin Leach, Babette,
John Lithgow’s Monologue
…..John Lithgow
John Lithgow: Thank you, thank you, thank you very much! I’m really delighted to be back on “Saturday Night Live” this year, I really am! And, besides, this time I have a kind of special reason to be pleased.
I just found out, every year, “Saturday Night Live” chooses just one single broadcast to the University of Maryland School of Communications for their consideration for the prestigious Robert Benchley Award for television humanity. And this is so great! I probably shouldn’t be telling you this.. but after a really great dress rehearsal, the producer came into my dressing room, a big smile on his face, and he said, “John, this is it. I think we got the Benchley winner!” [ nervous ] I’m so flattered! And I’m so moved! I mean, of all the shows they’ve done so far this year, he picks.. mine! I mean, what a responsibility. Frankly, I’m a little scared. Not only do we have to do a great show, but.. a perfect show.. we’ve worked so hard this week, I just know it’s gonna pay off!
[ suddenly, the boom mike appears just to the right of John’s head ]
[ worried ] Is that the boom? Uh.. uh.. was the boom in that shot? Did they see the boom at home? [ pause ] Well, that’s great! Terrific! So much for perfection. [ fumed ] Well, there goes the award-winning John Lithgow show. I guess dress rehearsal was just an accodent for some of us! Thank you, audio people! Thank you so much! [ angry ] Oh, what’s the use of going on!
Director’s Voice: John.. John.. I think you’re overreacting.
John Lithgow: Oh, fine! Fine! I’m overreacting! Let’s blame the whole thing on John! He’ll be gone tomorrow! It’s John’s fault we lost the coveted Benchley Award! Well, let me tell you something, Bucko! I on’t need Benchley’s puny ltitle award! [ starts to break down ] Oh.. oh, God.. I knew it.. I knew it.. I’m having an anxiety attack.. Does anyone have a paper bag..?
[ Director Joe Disco hands John a paper bag, which he immediately begins to breathe into rapidly ]
It’s okay.. I’ve done this before.. [ catches his breath ] I’m okay. I-I’m.. better. Anyway.. stick around. We’ve got a great show.. [ awkward pause ] Flawed, but great. A good show. It’s not an award show, but you might like it. Anita Baker is here, anyway.
Reverend Dwight Henderson: World’s Meanest Methodist Minister
Reverend Dwight Henderson…..John Lithgow
Secretary…..Nora Dunn
Paul…..Kevin Nealon
Barbara…..Victoria Jackson
Janet…..Jan Hooks
Marvin Hill…..Dana Carvey
Announcer: It’s time for another episode of “Reverend DwightHenderson: World’s Meanest Methodist Minister”.
Reverend Dwight Henderson: [ dictating a letter to his Secretary ] “My Dear Mrs. Randall: Regarding your invitation for Easter dinner – in someithng akin to a nightmare, I imagine myself seated with you and your.. grotesque family, suffering through an evening of what passes for conversation in your household. And the horror of that image compels me to shun your home, Madam, as I would some kind of dread skin disease.” Mmm.. “Yours, with best wishes for this holiday season.. blah, blah, blah.. Reverend Dwight Henderson.” Oh, and uh.. “P.S. Enjoy your turkey and Cheese Whiz.”
Secretary: I’ll get this in the mail today, Reverend.
Reverend Dwight Henderson: [ sighing ] Oh, Rose.. I’m sodesperately tired. Why don’t we call it a day?
Secretary: But, Reverend, it isn’t noon yet, and there’s some people waiting to see you, they’ve been waiting all morning.
Reverend Dwight Henderson: Honestly, can there be a job on earth more difficult than mine? Show them in.
Secretary: [ goes to the door and lets a couple enter the Reverend’s office ] Uh, Reverend, these are the Marchinsons – Paul and Barbara.
Barbara: Morning, Reverend.
Paul: Morning, Reverend.
Reverend Dwight Henderson: [ not interested in the formalities ] Yes, yes.. you have a problem of some kind?
Paul: Uh, yes, Reverend.. [ fidgety ] Barbara and I were, weremarried.. uh.. two years ago.. uh.. and lately.. lately..
Reverend Dwight Henderson: Please. Get on with it.
Barbara: Uh, Reverend, our marriage has notbeen going on too well lately.. and before we went into a professional counselor, we thought we would ask you for your advice.
Reverend Dwight Henderson: Madam, as a minister of the gospel, of course I recognize the importance of the institution of holy matrimony. At the same time, however, I must tell you that it simply is not a subject which interests me. Next! Next!
[ the Marchinsons are marched out, as the next member of the congregation is brought in ]
Secretary: Reverend, this is Janet Whitmeer..
Janet: Good morning, Reverend!
Reverend Dwight Henderson: Yes?
Janet: Uh, Reverend.. I live alone with my mother..
Reverend Dwight Henderson: Yes?
Janet: And, uh.. she’s an invalid, and during the day I have to leave to go to work..
Reverend Dwight Henderson: [ annoyed ] I trust this isleading somewhere..?
Janet: Well.. Reverend, she has a heart condition, and I worry if something should happen.. [ Reverend Henderson mimes playing the violin in sarcasm ] ..while I’m not there. And so I was wondering if perhaps someone from the parish could just drop by and check up on her from time to time?
Reverend Dwight Henderson: [ mocking ] Someone? Don’t you mean “Reverend Henderson”? Sure, why spend money on a nurse. We’ll get Reverend Henderson to do it for free! Sure! He’s happy to spend his days running all over town entertaining all our local shut-ins! He’s got nothing better to do!
Janet: [ aghast ] Reverend, I didn’t mean you.. I.. I..
Reverend Dwight Henderson: [ upset ] Oh, away with you!
[ Janet is pushed outside, and the next member of the congregation enters ]
Secretary: Marvin Hill.
Reverend Dwight Henderson: [ perturbed ] Yes..
Marvin Hill: [ carrying Easter basket ] Good morning, Reverend. I’m not here on account of any problem.. although, things haven’t been going too well for us since I got laid off. But I just came by to wish you a Happy Easter, and to drop off this Easter basket that the wife made..
Reverend Dwight Henderson: [ miffed at the annoying gesture ]Puh-leeeeze!
Marvin Hill: ..and to say hello from Joan and myself.. well, actually, Joan.. uh..
Reverend Dwight Henderson: [ waves him off ] Dismissed! [ walks away ]
Marvin Hill: Thank you. Thanks a lot. Thank you. [ exits ]
Reverend Dwight Henderson: [ back at his desk ] Rose, you know it’s been a few weeks since we’ve gone over the accounts for the Sundaycollections.
Secretary: Well, Reverend, there really hasn’t been much to count.
Reverend Dwight Henderson: I see. Well, how much was turned in?
Secretary: Well, actually, Reverend, nothing was turned in. As a matter of fact, nothing has been turned in for the last three Sundays. I think it may be part of an organized protest.
Reverend Dwight Henderson: [ shocked and disturbed ] I’m afraidyou’ve lost me! A protest against what?
Secretary: Reverend Henderson, forgive my bluntness, but you should be aware that you are not liked by some members of the parish.
Reverend Dwight Henderson: Well, of course. They’re cattle!
Secretary: Well, Reverend, the fact is that a great many people find your tone sort of off-putting. The Methodists in this community are used to a more conventional style ministry.. you know, someone who’s a lot more polite, and not such a.. butthole.
Reverend Dwight Henderson: [ takes it in ] I see. Tell me, Rose.. why do you work for me? You know, I don’t pay you.
Secretary: Because.. [ pause ] I love you!
Reverend Dwight Henderson: [ absorbs the sudden information ]Puh-leeeeze! Spare me!
Announcer: This has been another episode of “Reverend DwightHenderson: World’s Meanest Methodist Minister”.
Transatlantic Cab Ride
Passenger…..Jon Lovitz
Cabdriver…..John Lithgow
Cop…..Phil Hartman
[ open on Cabdriver reading the paper as Passenger enters his cab ]
Passenger: Hi. City Hall, please, as fast as you can.
Cabdriver: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Passenger: I’m getting married in nine minutes.
Cabdriver: You know, you could walk it. It’s just down the block.
Passenger: No, it’s City Hall San Francisco.
Cabdriver: San Francisco, California? That’s 3,000 miles away!
Passenger: [ desperate ] I know, I know.. I’ve been at the airport all night, it’s fogged in.
Cabdriver: Hey, pal, I sympathize with you.. but coast to coast in nine minutes, I don’t know..
Passenger: There’s an extra twenty in it for you.
Cabdriver: [ sighs ] Hang on.. [ starts the cab ] I could cut across Canal. It’s a little out the way, but there might be less traffic.
Passenger: Okay, okay, try it.
[ Cabdriver speeds out into traffic, the scenery whizzing by faster than possible ]
Cabdriver: Ahh.. that’s more like it!
Passenger: Hey, seven minutes left. Come on, can’t you go any faster?
Cabdriver: Hey, pal, we’re doing 950 miles an hour now! See? We’re in Cincinnati already!
Passenger: Hey, I heard it’s gonna rain in Cincinnati.
[ long shot of cab toy is seen with rain pouring over it ]
[ back to cab interior ]
Cabdriver: Yeah. Yeah, right you are. [ yelling ] Hey, look out! Get outta the way! [ turns to Passenger ] Hey. Toll booth coming up – you got a quarter? Come on! [ throws the quarters out the window ] There’s another one! Hurry up! Here’s another one! Come on, here’s another! Hurry up! Come on! you help me too, huh! [ they both throw quarters out the window ]
Passenger: [ checking his watch ] Six minutes left. Come on! Karen’s gonna kill me. Go! Go!
Cabdriver: We’ll make it! We’ll make it! Look! We’re already in Indiana!
Passenger: How can you tell?
Cabdriver: We’re hitting bigger animals!
[ a cow flies across the hood of the cab ]
Passenger: Whoa!
Cabdriver: Hey! Come on, let’s see what’s on the radio!
[ radio station call letters are announced, but at various cities as they whiz past too quickly to pick up any one station for too long ]
[ siren can be heard from behind the cab ]
Cabdriver: Uh-oh. Cops! [ slows down ] Lemme do the talking. [ turns to the Cop standing outside ] Is there a problem, Officer?
Cop: A problem? Yeah, I’d say you gota problem! I just clocked you at 965 miles an hour!
Cabdriver: [ dumbfounded ] 965! That can’t be right, everybody was paaing us!
Cop: Don’t give me that! You melted my radar gun! [ holds it up ]
Cabdriver: Oh. My speedometer must be broken! It said 55, I swear..
Cop: [ not buying it ] Oh, yeah, right..
Passenger: Hey, Officer, it’s my fault. I’m late for my marriage.
Cop: Well, why didn’t you just say so? I-I-I almost missed my wedding, too. Alright, I’ll let you off with a warning this time. But keep it under 600 before you get out of Colorado!
Cabdriver: Yes, sir!
Cop: Alright, go!
[ Cabdriver takes off again ]
Passenger: Hey, nice guy.
Cabdriver: Ah, most cops are pretty good guys when you get down to it.
Passenger: Hey, do you think we’ll make it?
Cabdriver: Ah, sure, we’re almost there now. Here come the Rockies.
[ long shot of cab toy is seen with snow falling on it ]
[ back to cab interior ]
Cabdriver: Yep, there go the Rockies. Interstate 12! Ahh.. [ slows down ] Here we are! City Hall! With time to spare! [ stops ] That’s $1,310 on the meter.
Passenger: [ pays ] Here.
Cabdriver: [ fans the wad of bills to make sure ] That’s right. And you said something about a twenty?
Passenger: Oh, alright. [ pays it ] Hey, I really appreciate it.
Cabdriver: Ah, don’t mention it. I ws heading across town, anyway.
Passenger: [ panics upon reaching into his pocket ] Oh, shoot!
Cabdriver: What’s the matter?
Passenger: Oh, shoot! Oh, shoot! I forgot the wedding ring, and I know just where I left it, too, it’s on my dresser!
Cabdriver: Hang on, we’ll go back and get it.
Passenger: You don’t mind?
Cabdriver: Ah, no problem. [ starts the cab ]
Passenger: You think we’ll make it?
Cabdriver: Relax! I know a shortcut!
[ the cab speeds off onto the highways once again ]
[ fade ]
Air Date:Host:Musical Guest:Special Guests:
April 11th, 1987
John Lithgow
Anita Baker
None
Anita Baker, “Sweet Love”
Dumb Marines (Kevin Nealon, Dana Carvey) bring spies to the U.S. Embassy.
Lithgow’s upset when a boom mike mars episode’s Benchley Award effort.
Vice squad (Lithgow, Kevin Nealon) solve crimes in Wild West Wyoming.
Reverand Dwight Henderson (Lithgow) is the world’s meanest methodist minister.
Pat Stevens (Nora Dunn) consider Halston (Phil Hartman) to be a has-been.Recurring Characters: Pat Stevens.
Kevin Nealon strays off-topic during commentary on abortion.A. Whitney Brown delivers Big Picture commentary on surrogate motherhood.
Baudelaire (Lithgow) teaches Master Thespian (Jon Lovitz) how to replace Olivier.Recurring Characters: Master Thespian, Baudelaire.
Peter Graves (Phil Hartman) doesn’t grasp importance of bacteria slides.Recurring Characters: Peter Graves.
New York to San Francisco cab ride only takes driver (Lithgow) less than nine minutes.
Boxing loser (Lithgow) is motivated to beat up rich boy (Dana Carvey).
Air Date:Host:Musical Guest:Special Guests:
March 28th, 1987
Charlton Heston
Wynton Marsalis
Ben Stiller
Recurring Characters: Church Lady, Jim Bakker, Tammy Bakker.
Recurring Characters:Candy Sweeney, Liz Sweeney.
Girl-Crazy Obstetrician
Obstetrician…..Phil Hartman
Reporter…..Nora Dunn
Ted Carter…..Bill Murray
Janet Carter…..Victoria Jackson
Louise…..Jon Lovitz
[ open on Obstetrician’s office – Reporter enters ]
Reporter: Dr. Hoffritz? Shelley Barnette, People Magazine.
Obstetrician: Come on in! Here, have a seat.
Reporter: Thank you.
Obstetrician: People Magazine. I don’t know why anyonewould want to read about me – I’m just a small-town family obstetrician.
Reporter: Well, my editors seem to think you have a very interesting story here. Now, I understand you’ve been working and practicing here in Radfield for 21 years.
Obstetrician: That’s right.
Reporter: And you’ve delivered over 4,300 babies.
Obstetrician: That’s right.
Reporter: And they’ve all been girls.
Obstetrician: That’s right. They’ve all been girls!
Reporter: Well, you know, that’s amazing! You know, myassistant back in New York actually calculated the odds of that happening. It’s over 1 in 700 trillion.
Obstetrician: Oh, no kidding. Well.. the important thing is – knock on wood – they’re all healthy and happy. I try to stay in touch with as many as I can. They’re like my family. They’re my little girls.
Reporter: It’s like a miracle. Not one single boy.
Obstetrician: [ checks his watch ] Oh, my goodness.. [ into hisintercom ] Louise? Would you send in the Carters, please? [ to thereporter ] I have an appointment – you’re welcome to stay, if you want, and take some notes. [ the Carters enter ] Hello, Janet, Ted!
Janet Carter: Doctor!
Obstetrician: How’s everything going?
Janet Carter: Oh, I’m doing alright.
Ted Carter: So far, so good. [ sits his wife down ]
Obstetrician: Well, this is Shelly Barnette, of People Magazine.
Ted Carter: Hello, Miss Barnette.
Janet Carter: Hi.
Obstetrician: They’re doing an article on me, can you believe that?
Janet Carter: That doesn’t surprise me. Doctor Hoffritz is the best!
Ted Carter: He delivered all seven of our daughters.
Obstetrician: Well, I have the results of your amniocentesis right here, and I’ve.. got some good news. Everything’s fine, the baby’s healthy.
Ted Carter: Dr. Hoffritz? Is it a boy?
Obstetrician: [ laughs ] Now, Ted, wouldn’t you rather be surprised in the delivery room?
Ted Carter: [ thinking ] No, Doctor! I’d like to know..
Obstetrician: Well, no. It’s a girl.
Ted Carter: [ slumps beside his wife’s chair ] I love girls! [ weeps ]
Janet Carter: You see, Ted wants a boy. This is our eighth try.
Ted Carter: We’ll try again.
Janet Carter: No. No more.
Ted Carter: Doctor, will this one need that operation?
Obstetrician: Yes, I’m afraid so.
Reporter: [ curious ] What operation is this, Doctor?
Obstetrician: Well.. every now and then, a little girl is born with a penis and testicles. And, of course, they have to be removed and reshaped.
Ted Carter: It’s quite routine. Five of our seven daughters have had this operation.
Reporter: Doctor, what percent of the babies that you deliver need this operation?
Obstetrician: Oh, I’d say.. 48, 49.. 50, 51% – in that area!
[ Louise the Secretary – a manly-looking secretary at that – enters ]
Louise: Doctor, here’s those reports you wanted.
Obstetrician: Oh, thank you, Louise! Louise here was one of thefirst babies I delivered. Louise had a big date last night. How did it go?
Louise: Oh, same old problem.
Obstetrician: Well, don’t worry, Louise. Mr. Right’s out theresomewhere! Well.. Janet and Ted, I’ll be seeing you next week?
Ted Carter: Thanks, Doctor.
Janet Carter: Bye, Doctor!
Obstetrician: Okay, bye bye.. Hey, Ted? Buck up. “A son is a son ’til he takes a wife; but a daughter is a daughter all of her life.”
Ted Carter: God bless you and all of your work, Dr. Hoffritz! [ exits ]
Louise: Oh, Doctor.. I’ve gotta leave early today – my electrolosis appointment.
Obstetrician: Well, of course, Louise, anything you want.
Louise: Thank you, Doctor. [ exits ]
Obstetrician: Well! Another little girl! Can you believe it!
Reporter: [ bothered ] Dr. Hoffritz, can’t you see what you’re doing here? I mean, the 48-51% – they’re not girls, they’re little boys! You have mutilated over 2,000 little boys!
Obstetrician: No! No, they weren’t boys. They were little girls.. trapped in little boys’ bodies.. [ music sweeps over him ] You see.. boys are.. bad. They have bad thoughts! Sometimes they disobey their mothers.. they have to be punished! [ sniffles ] But what do their mothers know, anyway.. [ weeping ] They’re out all night with “Uncle Rudy”! But he’s not my uncle! Why does she call him my “uncle”..? [ falls to the floor, crying ]
Reporter: Thank you, Doctor, very much.. I think I have enoughmaterial for my story now.. [ runs out of the office ]
[ cut to photo of People Magazine with Dr. Hoffritz holding a baby “girl” on the cover ]
Announcer: This week in People, meet girl-crazy Dr. Jacob Hoffritz, the one in a trillion obstretrician whose favorite color just has to be pink! Only in People!
[ cut to Louise arm-in-arm with Martina Navratilova ]
And say hello to Martina Navaratilova’s new travel companion.
People celebrates people.
[ fade to black ]
Bill Murray’s Monologue
…..Bill Murray
Bill Murray: Thank you very much! I’m very happy to be here! This is the 500th broadcast of “Saturday Night Live”!
I’ve been away a while, it’s been a while since I’ve been here. I’m a little nervous – I’ve got a belt and suspenders on this evening! But I came back. You know why? [ audience yells “Why?” ] Because I love this country! And something happened this year that just drove a dagger through my ticker. For the first time in this nation’s history, a film comedy from another country was the #1 hit. This country didn’t make “Crocdile Dundee”. We should have, we didn’t. We got a little cocky, I think. I know what you’re gonna say – “It’s the old Chicken Little routine. No, don’t worry, Bill, this is the funniest country on Earth, always will be!” Listen.. smell the coffee, people. I’m frightened.
Look at history, look at the French – they used to be funny. You know? What have they got now? They’ve got Jerry Lewis and the Smurfs, that’s it. Look at England – England has Benny Hill, but, you know, they squandered him. The Mexicans had Continflas – they worked him to death. And now we’re losing our edge, and the entire world knows it. Am I right, G.E.? Everybody knows it. While we were sleeping late, hanging in on Saturday mornings, the Japanese took away our cartoon shows! I mean, when you saw “Speed Racer”, didn’t something go, “Wait a second!” Now, the Germans are getting into sitcoms – I’m frightened. “Levenost nok Bever”?
Okay. I blame myself a little bi, I mean, I could have helped a little bit.. I mean, in my own way. I just got.. you know.. I took a little time off, I got to know my friends and family a little bit, had a few dinners, a few drinks, a glass of wine.. next thing you know, a year has gone. Yuo re-order, you have second helpings, and three years are gone.. and I’m just too old, fat, and slow to know the difference. But I’m gonna try to help this country regain her natural, genetic, racial, comic supremacy. Are you with me?! Let’s start tonight! Will you promise to laugh, even if it’s not funny? [ audience applauds ] ‘Cause we need the support! We’ve got a great show. We’ve got.. well.. it’s an American show. We’ll be right back!
Il Returno de Hercules
King Laertes…..Dana Carvey/Tom Davis (voice)
Helena…..Nora Dunn/Jan Hooks (voice)
Hercules…..Bill Murray
Guard…..A Whitney Brown
Announcer: [ over SCROLL ] “In the time known as the Heroic Age, many centuries before the birth of Christ, Greece was still a savage and uncivilized land. In these dark times, one man alone defended the helpless – the Mighty Hercules. For many years the might Hercules fought for the common people, until at length his rich diet and increasingly sedentary lifestyle began to take their toll. Though srill quite strong for a man his age, he was no longer the Hercules of old.”
King Laertes: Why do you resist me, Helena? Become my Queen. Together, we will rule Greece!
Helena: Never! You have stolen this land from my father. Besides, you have not reckoned yet with Hercules.
King Laertes: Do not look to Hercules for help. My guards captured him last night. Today, he will be put to death.
Helena: No! Spare him! I will do anything you ask.
King Laertes: So.. you do love him!
Helena: He is the greatest hero of Greece.
King Laertes: I must see this warrior. Bring Hercules to me!
Guard: Bring in Hercules!
[ Hercules is brought in. He is old and flabby ]
King Laertes: So, Hercules, once again, we meet. By the gods! Look at you! You really have let yourself go!
Hercules: Is it that noticeable, Laertes?
King Laertes: Is it noticeable?! I hardly recognized you!
Helena: Well, I think he looks fine.
King Laertes: Silence! So.. the Mighty Hercules! I don’t mean to be cruel, but you have really gone downhill!
Hercules: I have not exercised much since the last Olympics. And I’ve learned, to my sorrow, that if you stop exercising, the muscle turns to fat.
King Laertes: I was going to feed you to the Hydra, the seven-headed dragon.. but looking at you, I have a better idea. You are said to be the strongest man to ever live. I will spare your life, if you can pass a test of strength!
Hercules: Must I pass this test of strength right away?
King Laertes: What do you mean?
Hercules: If I can have a month or two, to get into better condition..
King Laertes: No! Absolutely not! You must the test of strength now! Today!
Hercules: Very well. What is your test?
King Laertes: Do you see that boulder over there? I want you to lift it!
Hercules: That boulder is too large. I could life a smaller one.
King Laertes: So! The Mighty Hercules!
Hercules: In six months I will be able to lift it. Right after I put an end to your despotic rule, Laertes, I plan to start a new regimen – hunting, swimming, eating better.. [ rubbing his belly ] All this will disappear.
King Laertes: Brave talk, Hercules. First, you must pass this test!
Hercules: And if I pass this test, you will spare Helena’s life?
King Laertes: You have my word.
Hercules: Very well. I accept.
Helena: No, Hercules. Don’t try to lift the boulder yourself. Get someone to help you.
[ Hercules stretches as everyone waits ]
King Laertes: Hercules! Look, what are you doing?
Hercules: First, I must loosen up. I am very tight. [ continues to stretch ]
Helena: Hercules! I beg you. Don’t! [ Hercules bends over to lift the boulder ] Hercules! The legs! Lift with the legs!
Hercules: [ starting to raise the boulder, stopping suddenly ] My back! I think I pulled it! [ he lays on the ground, as Helena runs over to help ] This happened once before. Leave me alone. If I lie flat like this, it will fix itself.
King Laertes: [ laughing ] Ha! Your Hercules is a weakling! Send in the Hydra!
Guard: Send the Hydra!
[ the Hydra appears ]
Helena: Hercules! Get up! The Hydra!
Hercules: I can’t. Just let me lie here, please.
Helena: Oh, Laertes, please! Hercules can’t get up! Call off the Hydra!
King Laertes: Very well.. Call off the Hydra.
Guard: Call off the Hydra!
[ the Hydra leaves ]
Helena: Hercules, the Hydra is gone. Can I do anything for you?
Hercules: No, Helena. Thank you. If I could just lie here for another minute..
King Laertes: [ mocking ] The Mighty Hercules! What a disappointment!
Hercules: [ trying to pick himself up ] I’d like to see you try it.
King Laertes: The Mighty Hercules!
Hercules: Stop saying “The Mighty Hercules”.
Helena: Don’t worry about Laertes. Soon, when you have regained your strength, you can return to lift that boulder and crush him with it.
Hercules: I can’t even think about that now..
Helena: That’s right, Hercules. Now you must rest. For you, there will be other adventures. The gods have willed it!
[ fade out – “Fini” at the center of the screen ]
Air Date:Host:Musical Guest:Special Guests:
March 21st, 1987
Bill Murray
Percy Sledge
None
Recurring Characters: Phil Donahue.
Recurring Characters: Nick the Lounge Singer.
Recurring Characters:Honker,