[ A group of yuppies sit around a table in a fancy restaurant, drinking ]
Yuppie #1: I gotta make a toast. Here’s to a guy who just sold his condo for five times what he paid for it!
[ rapid-fire scenes of yuppies living it up amongst the less-privileged, driving a Ferrari, pushing people aside in the streets, etc. ]
Jingle: You want more than the rest You just won’t take second best You’ve never been number two And you’re gonna get the things the world owes you.
Where you’re going, you’ve always known it Where you’re going, you’re on your way.
[ Champagne glass reads “Where you’re going” ]
Where you’re going.. YOU’RE GONNA PAY!
[ Champagne glass now reads “HELL” – all the yuppies are howling andscreaming in Hell ]
Announcer: Yes, you’re going to Hell. For the life of false values, empty ambitions and raw greed, you’ve earned the agony of eternal torment. You’re going to burn, no doubt about it.
Brandon Tartikoff: Hello, I’m Brandon Tartikoff, president of NBC Entertainment.
(applause)
In a few moments, the second decade of Saturday Night Live will begin, and all of us at NBC are excited that Lorne Michaels, the show’s creator and original producer, is back at the helm. As you may be aware, Saturday Night Live has had, in the past, some problems with … well, there’s no other way to put it … drugs.
(One audience member cheers)
You know, smoke, weed, toot … snow … glue. I could go on and on. We at NBC tried many methods of dealing with drug use on the show, after my own idea, the Honor System, failed so badly. Well, to assure you, the viewer, that this will be a clean show, I am announcing tonight a new network policy of random urinalysis testing for all cast and crew of the new Saturday Night Live. So as not to stigmatize the performers on this show, NBC will imply this procedure on all of our programs. From the actors on Miami Vice — except those who play the criminals — to Punky Brewster, to Meet the Press.
(displays a tray with urine samples in NBC logo plastic cups)
Now as you can see, eight of the new cast members have already completed testing tonight, and we are waiting only for the last member of the group, Anthony Michael Hall. As soon as he returns with his test, the show can begin. (waits around, looks at watch) … Well, a policy is a policy. Ah — there he is now.
(Anthony emerges in a bathrobe, and shakes Mr. Tartikoff’s hand as he turns in his sample.)
Anthony Michael Hall: I’m sorry this took so long.
Brandon Tartikoff: That’s all right. Congratulations, Michael. (puts the sample on a tray)
Anthony Michael Hall: Oh, thank you. Thank you.
Brandon Tartikoff: Um, Michael, if you’ll just uh, recite the network pledge, we can make this all official. (hands him a card)
Anthony Michael Hall: … Right.
(He holds up his right hand as he reads the pledge.)
“I, Michael Hall, swear to remain drug-free as long as I am associated with this network. And if I make a mistake, or freak out, it will not be because there are any chemicals in my body.”
Brandon Tartikoff: Well done, Michael.
Anthony Michael Hall: Oh, thank you.
(They shake hands again.)
Brandon Tartikoff: You know, even though you’re just 17 years old, I understand that you’ve been doing this kind of thing for quite awhile.
Anthony Michael Hall: Yeah, well, I’ve been giving specimens since um, since I first got chicken pox.
Brandon Tartikoff: Right. Well, uh, you may start the show.
Anthony Michael Hall: Thank you, Mr. Tartikoff. (the camera goes in on him as he says, with defiance) “Live from New York, it’s Saturday Night!”
Victor LaSalle…..Jon Lovitz Waiter…..Damon Wayans Actress…..Nora Dunn Newspaper Editor…..Randy Quaid
[ opens on Victor LaSalle typing at his desk ]
Announcer: Greg Sharnell is Victor LaSalle, movie critic for the nation’s most influential newspaper.
[ shows building, newspaper is titled THE DAILY TRUMPETER ]
[ logo CRITIC is typed on screen ]
[ opens on high-class buffet in fancy restaurant ]
Announcer: In a world where no one pays for his own dinner, Victor LaSalle stands alone.
Waiter: Champagne, caviar, Mr. LaSalle?
Victor LaSalle: No. I cannot in good conscience accept food and beverage from a motion picture studio.
[ logo CRITIC is typed on screen ]
Announcer: The passion. The pathos. The honesty. The despair.
[ Victor Lasalle is seen dining at a restaurant, someone reads newspaper with headline “Actress bites big one” by Victor LaSalle. Actress criticised in the article looks angrily at Victor, walks over to his table, and throws wine at his face. ]
Never before have the torments of movie critics been so vividly portrayed.
[ Victor is talking with another critic in a bar ]
Other critic: Most of us critics go into it for their own reasons. We so desperately want to be a part of show buisness, and yet we have no talent. So out of sheer envy we criticise the honest work of real artists, while secretly wishing all the time we were writing the scripts, or directing, or acting.
[ logo CRITIC is typed on screen]
Announcer: Ripping the lid off the corruption, the hypocrisy of the movie industry.
[ newspaper editor storms angrily into Victor LaSalle’s office ]
Newspaper Editor: Are you insane? You can’t pan a movie that was financed by the corporation that runs this newspaper!
[ newspaper article is held up, with headline “Megacorp Movie Bites Big One” by Victor LaSalle, the person reading the article turns out to be the head of Megacorp ]
Megacorp Head: [ into his cell phone ] Unplug that S. O. B.’s word processor!
[ logo CRITIC is typed on screen ]
[ protesters march around the Daily Trumpeter building, holding signs that say “TRUMPETER UNFAIR TO MOVIEGOERS”, “BRING BACK LaSALLE”, “I DON’T KNOW WHAT MOVIE TO SEE” ]
Protesters: Bring back LaSalle! Bring back LaSalle! Bring back LaSalle! [ repeatedly ]
Announcer: An extraordinary picture about an extraordinary man. The critics are raving: [ reviews show up on screen, announcer reads reviews ]
“I loved this…film.”-JUDITH CRIST
“I laughed, I cried.”-JOHN SIMON
“I stuffed my face.”-ROGER EBERT
[ credits show up on screen ]
Rated PG-13. Children and stupid people should be accompanied by anintelligent adult.
Cabrini Green: What’s happening? My name is Cabrini Green-Jackson. Um.. I’m an international spokesmodel. Not like the spokesmodels on “Star Search” – they ain’t about nothing! Um.. my full name is Cabrini Green-Harlem-Watts-Jackson. I’m a Libra, my favorite sport is running, I’m in tenth grade, I’m 17 years old, and I have two children. I speak for teenage mothers, I speak for just-about-to-be-mothers, and for don’t-wanna-be-mothers – I been all three!
So, I’ll never forget this one day – I was at home, my momma was fixing some corn bread, black-eyed peas, cnadied yam with neck bones and some Kraft Macaroni & Cheese. I said, “Hi, Momma, you wanna hear a joke? I’m pregnant.” She said, “How did that happen?” I said, “How am I supposed to know how that happened? You never told me nothing about things like that, the school don’t teach us about things like that, you’re asking me how that happened? How’d that happen? How’d that happen?” I finally said, I said, “Momma, you know it didn’t happen when Mary got Jesus, because we not Catholic!”
But don’t get me wrong – I love my Momma, you dig? It was just that that day she was getting on my very last nerve, you know what I’m saying? But anyway, my Momma, she helped me a lot with Binky and everything like that, but I could have avoided the whole thing with Binky if I had had this.. [ holds up coloring book ] ..the Cabrini Green “I Don’t Want A Baby” coloring book. It start off with two hearts – two hearts that beat as one. It’s very romantic, because, of course, I wrote this book myself. I think it’s gonna be very big. It’s got all kinds of physical charts, scientific programs, and it also has some porno pictures, so you can know what the real deal is!
SummaryAfter a five-year absence, Lorne Michaels is back as Executive Producer of the mainstream variety classic he introduced late-night viewers to an even-decade earlier. Returning to the helms of his creation, he takes a cue from former producer Dick Ebersol, and brings in his own all-star roster, which includes the familiar likes of Randy Quaid and Anthony Michael Hall to the not-so-familiar likes of Terry Sweeney and Danitra Vance, all the way to the likes of future Hollywood stars Joan Cusack and Robert Downey, Jr. Despite the potential of Lorne’s second cast, only newcomers Nora Dunn, Jon Lovitz and Dennis Miller make it to the next season, Nora with her vain model-turned-talk show host Pat Stevens, Lovitz with his Pathological Liar, and Miller with his almost Christopher Guest-look-a-like appearance behind a resurrected Weekend Update desk. Dismal ratings caused Lorne to set the season-ending cast party ablaze,sparing only Jon Lovitz’s life – Dennis Miller and Nora Dunn apparently outsmarted the other cast members and found their own way out!
Christopher Reeve: And now, an old friend ofSaturday Night Live, Steven Wright!
[Cheers and applause for the casually-dressed, nearlycatatonic stand-up comic with the frizzyhair.]
Steven Wright: [emotionless] Thanks….
I stayed up all night playing poker with Tarot cards…. I got a full house and four people died….
I finally went to the eye doctor, I got contacts, butI only need them when I read so I got flip-ups….
I have a map of the United States, it’s actual size…. It says, “One mile equals one mile.” …
I spent the day watching live animation. … Later, Iwas arrested for scalping low numbers at the deli….
I was once walking through the forest alone and a treefell right in front of me, and I didn’t hear it….
I’m planning a trip to Spain so I bought an album thatteaches you the language — you put the album on, youput headphones on, you learn the language while you’resleeping. During the night, the record skipped. … Igot up the next day, I could only stutter in Spanish…. When I go, I’m flying. I’m flying Air Bizarre.It’s a good airline, you buy a combination one-wayround-trip ticket. … You leave any Monday and theybring you back the previous Friday. … That way, youstill have the weekend. …
Sometimes, you can’t hear what I’m sayin’, it’s ’causesometimes I’m in parentheses. …
Every once in a while I like to stick my head out mywindow, look up at the sky, and smile for a satellitepicture. …
I went to the hardware store and bought some usedpaint. … It was in the shape of a house. … I alsobought some batteries, but they weren’t included. …So I had to buy ’em again. …
It was my birthday recently. For my birthday, I got ahumidifier and a dehumidifier. … I put ’em in thesame room and let ’em fight it out. … [cheers andapplause — after a slight pause, Wright says, witheven less enthusiasm than before:] Thanks. …
There’s a pizza place near where I live that onlysells slices. You go there and see the guy throwin’ upa triangle. [mimes tossing triangular dough]…
I went to a museum where they had all the heads andarms from the statues that are in all the othermuseums. … I had trouble goin’ home from there’cause I parked my car in a tow-away zone. When I cameback, the entire area was gone. … For a while, Ididn’t have a car, I had a helicopter. But I hadnowhere to park it so I used to just tie a rope to itand leave it runnin’. …
When I was baby, I kept a diary. … Recently, I wasrereading it. It said, “Day One: Still tired from themove.” … “Day Two: Everybody talks to me like I’m anidiot.” …
I had the photograph on my license taken out-of-focuson purpose. … So, when the police stop me, they go–[mimes a policeman squinting uncertainly at thelicense, then handing it back to the driver] Here, youcan go. … One time, they stopped me for speeding andthey said, “Don’t you know the speed limit isfifty-five miles an hour?” I said, “Yeah, I know. ButI wasn’t gonna be out that long.” …
… Christopher Guest … Jim Belushi … Don Pardo Paul Harvey … Rich Hall Buddy Young, Jr. … Billy Crystal … Calvert DeForest
[Music. SUPER: SATURDAY NIGHT NEWS against a nocturnalNew York City skyline.]
Don Pardo V/O: And now Saturday Night News withanchorperson Christopher Guest.
[Cheers and applause as the SUPER disappears and wepan over to Chris Guest, in suit and tie and seated atthe news desk.]
Christopher Guest: Thank you. Thank you, DonPardo. Our top story tonight:
Artificial heart recipient William Schroeder leftLouisville’s Humana Hospital today to live in a nearbyapartment. A special van transporting him stalled inthe driveway. But, fortunately, Schroeder’s heart isequipped with jumper cables. … Trip continuedwithout further incident.
Who is this man? [Photo of man in sunglassesand hat] And this man? [Photo of same man inseed cap] And this man? [Photo of same man inhardhat] And this man? [Photo of same man incowboy hat] Believe it or not, they are allthis man — [Photo of same man wearing no hat]– new Soviet leader Mikhail S. Gorbachev. … It’sbeen reported that he wears all those hats to coverthe birthmark on his head. However, SNL News haslearned that it is NOT a birthmark — it’s an aerialmap of the Philippine Islands [Photo of map] … leftover from Gorbachev’s Soviet espionage days….
In New York this week, the ASPCA has accused theRingling Brothers, Barnum and Bailey Circus ofpresenting a fake unicorn, charging it is actually agoat with a surgically-implanted horn. A circusspokesperson has denied the charge, saying that theanimal is a sheep that suddenly sat down on abroomstick. …
[Photo of veterinarian reaching into a horse’s mouth]Famed jockey Willie Shoemaker was swallowed by a racehorse this morning … at an upstate track. Theveterinarian shown here trying to remove Shoemakerfrom the horse’s throat says it happens quite oftenwith hungry horses and small jockeys. …
Christopher Guest: And now, here with acommentary, is Saturday Night Live’s critic-at-largeJim Belushi. Jim? [applause]
Jim Belushi: Thank you, Chris. You know, I, uh,I love this country – uh – it’s been good to myfamily. It’s – it’s been great to me. I – You know, Idon’t like to say anything really bad about it but–But they did one stupid thing. They broke up AT&T.Y’know, we used to have like the BEST DAMN telephonesystem in the universe. But not any more. Not since -not since the trust busters broke up AT&T. Haveyou tried callin’ Information lately? [picks up aphone] I mean, y’know, they give you the number. Theysay the number is [imitates computer voice]”Five-Five-Five One-TWO-Four-NINE.” … And I say”THANK YOU” TO A RECORDING! … [pulls air horn fromunder desk, points it toward the phone and blasts thehorn noisily] … You know, I wanna talk to a humanbeing!
And call waiting! I HATE – I hate call waiting.Y’know, I’m in the middle of a conversation. I’mtalkin’ to somebody and hear this annoying littleclick. Click-click-CLICK! Right? And they say, “Holdon for a second,” right? And I know – hey, Iknow what’s gonna happen. The other call’sgonna be A LOT MORE INTERESTING THAN ME! … I mean,you know, how can I possibly have anything reallygreat to say?! They come back on the line and say,[imitates wimpy phone friend] “You know, uh, can Icall you right back?” … And I say– [pulls out airhorn again and blasts the phone] … YOU’RE NEVERGONNA CALL ME BACK! …
And then I get a BILL that you need to go to COMPUTERCAMP to EVEN READ! … And they’re charging you forthings that they aren’t supposed– that are supposedto be free. Y’know, I’m – I’m tryin’ to get myemotional life together and, since the break-up,they’ve been chipping away at it. Y’know what Imean? It used to be when you smashed a phone againstthe wall or threw it out the window, the phone companywould give you a brand new phone in twenty-four hours.No, now they call up– You call ’em up and they tellya, “Go to the phone store.” A phonestore! [imitates man talking to woman] “Okay,honey, I’m gonna go pick up a dozen eggs, a quart ofmilk, and a PHONE!” …
[holds up a check] And what about this?! What isthis?! A pay phone ate my quarter. They send mea check for twenty-five cents! … What am I supposedto do with this?! Take off o’ work, go to the bank …wait in line for a half hour … Get to the teller,she says, “How would you like this, Mr. Belushi? Allin NICKELS? … Two dimes and a nickel or twenty-fivepennies?!” [blasts the check with the air horn] …DON’T BE A WISE-ASS! …
[imitates mincing operator] “Thank you for callingAT&T.” [drops the check with disgust, it slides offthe desk, cheers and applause] Back to you,Chris.
Christopher Guest: Thank you. [Belushi honkshis horn once more, this time at Chris who cringes alittle] Ooh.
A new religious item came out this week. [holds up analbum full of cassette tapes] “Francis the TalkingBible.” … The complete Old and New Testamentsrecorded by Francis. … We can’t play it but it wouldsound something like: [flawlessly imitates 1950sanimal star Francis the Talking Mule] “In thebeginning, God create–” … Something like that.Anyway, I – I recommend this. [closes and puts albumaway]
Yesterday morning, the USA for Africa’s “We Are theWorld” record was broadcast simultaneously onthousands of radio stations including the nationwideMuzak system — the second time in its history thatMuzak has broadcast a human voice. … The first time,of course, was in 1965 when Don Pardo sang the themefrom “Jeopardy” … with a chorus of game show losers…. Don, can you give us a little bit of that?
Don Pardo V/O: [mellow and deeply apologetic]Sorry, Chris. I’ve forgotten it.
Christopher Guest: ‘S’too bad.
Don Pardo V/O: [building to a classic announcerfrenzy] But I can give you a matched set ofSamsonite luggage! … An Amana homefreezer! A round-trip–!
Christopher Guest: Never mind. Now, with aneditorial, here is guest commentator, PaulHarvey.
[Cheers and applause for the chipper, elderlylegendary radio personality who breaks up hissentences into weirdly multi-rhythmicphrases.]
Paul Harvey: Hellooooo, Americans! I’m PaulHarvey! [sudden pause as if in mid-sentence] … Youknow, yesterday morning, I interrupted my radiobroadcast, Chris – to join with billions across theplanet in singing [long pause, breaks into a grin] …”We Are – the World” – it’s true! [rapidly] Sales ofthe record have been phenomenally successful, themoney will go to starving nations. But there’s a lotof bureaucracy involved – money has to become records,records has to become money again, money has to beused to distribute grain. It’s a complicated process.Wouldn’t it be a lot simpler if they could just –eat – the records? … Why not record the songright onto this nutritious pita bread? [holds up aflat round piece of pita bread with a hole in thecenter] … Staple of millions throughout the world.[holds up a small pizza with a hole in it] Or how’bout this individual “We Are the World” pizza? …You know, the wife and I cook these up right in thestudio. I think you’re gonna be amazed at therecording values, Chris. They’re just absolutelyphenomenal. Give a listen – to this. [plays pizza onportable record player, horribly scratchy version of”We Are the World” song is heard]
Christopher Guest: Sounds great, Paul. Soundsgreat. That’s enough of that, okay? [annoyed, reachesover and takes the needle off the record, abruptlyending the song] That’s enough of that.
Paul Harvey: [tries to restart the song] Holdit, I was just getting to the Bruce Springfield partthere! Hold it. …
Christopher Guest: [puts a hand on the recordplayer] No, that’s – that’s fine. Okay? That’s just -that’s enough. Why don’t you just say good night, allright? …
Paul Harvey: Well, you know, there’s also thiszesty tortilla version– [holds up a tortilla with ahole in it] …
Christopher Guest: Just say good night – justsay good night, okay?
Paul Harvey: I’m Paul Harvey – gooodday! [applause]
Christopher Guest: In our last edition, wereported that music superstar Billy Joel had marriedDavid Brinkley. … Well, that’s a simple mistake tomake. Of course, Billy was married to Peter Jennings… who also works at ABC News. Sorry, David….
Before we go on, SNL News, uh, would like to extendour Christian friends best wishes for a joyous Easter,to our Jewish friends a happy Passover and to ourSnake Worshippers of Satan friends, have a nice day….
Christopher Guest: Here’s our residententertainment critic, a legend in comedy, Mr. BuddyYoung, Jr. [Buddy’s cheesy nightclub theme plays,cheers and applause which Buddy encourages – he is acigar-wielding, middle-aged Jewish insult comic in anugly pink and purple tuxedo who talks into a bulkysilver hand microphone]
Buddy Young, Jr.: I tell ya, these movietheaters are nuts! They get me nuts! It’s not like theold days, you go to the neighborhood theater. They gotall these theaters in one, now — they got a duplex, atriplex, a multiplex! And they’re filthy, am I right?!I got a herpes simplex in a quadruplex once! [rimshot] Get out of here! …
I tell ya, it’s nuts. And the food! Ah, the food inthese theaters is nuts. Used to be you get a bag o’popcorn and a Coke — thirty-five cents. Now, thepopcorn comes in a hatbox! … And the sodacomes in ONE size — it’s called TUB O’ COKE!… I tell ya, it’s too nuts, folks, it’s too wild outthere. And the kid who serves it! I mean, he’s apunker, you know? Now you get GREEN hair in yourpopcorn! [rim shot] …
It’s too wild, I’ll tell ya. And these music videosare nuts, too, I’ll tell ya that right now. That seguecost me twelve-fifty. I tell ya, they’re nuts! When Iwas a kid, a song was a song and that was it — am Iright, ladies and gentlemen? What the hell’shappening? Now a movie is a song, a song is a movie.They make no sense, these videos. A guy singin’ aballad — somebody else is putting a midget in ablender! … [glares at the crowd] What is this –the Hinckley jury? … Five, six, seven, I tell ya,it’s nuts! … It’s wild. You can rent movies anyplacenow on cassettes, they got ’em everyplace, they got’em everywhere, I tell ya, it’s crazy. Supermarkets,dry cleaners. My wife comes home from the gynecologist– she says to me, “Honey, I got cystitis andAmadeus!” … I said, “Is it serious?” Shesays, “Parts of it, but the music isbeautiful!” [rim shot] … I tell ya that now,it’s just — [scattered applause] — crawlin’ up myback!
[rises from desk and heads for the audience] I tellya, you know, it gets me nuts! It gets me nuts. [toCraig, a mustachioed, curly-haired man in the frontrow] How ya doin’, babe? How are ya? Could ya stand upjust for a second? I love to mingle. [inspects atattoo on Craig’s arm] Hey, what is this? Look atthis. This rub off? You get this from Cheerios orsomething? … This guy’s a biker, he’s gonna stomp myhead to get my face started. I tell ya, it’s the –[Craig playfully reaches for Buddy’s face] Hey. Don’tget cute, all right? … What is this — the SantanaLook-alike Club meeting? … What’s your name,babe?
Craig: Craig.
Buddy Young, Jr.: That’s right. Where yafrom?
Craig: Uniondale.
Buddy Young, Jr.: Uniondale? Where’sthat?
Craig: It’s on Long Island.
Buddy Young, Jr.: Big deal! Sit down! …[Craig sits, Buddy moves to another front row victim]Can I talk to you for a second? You mind standin’ up?[a man who appears to be either very tired or on drugsrises] You okay?
Man: Yeah.
Buddy Young, Jr.: You sure?
Man: Yeah.
Buddy Young, Jr.: It’ll kick in any minute.It’s called– … [scattered applause] No, I kid. Ikid this man. Manson’s stuntman … we have here,sitting here. Let me ask you this, babe. Where youfrom?
Man: [quietly] New Rochelle.
Buddy Young, Jr.: New Rochelle? Try to speakup. It’s called “English,” okay? … Nah, it’s apleasure to have you here, no kiddin’. [shakes theman’s hand] Right? [the man sits, Buddy moves on toanother victim, a young clean-cut guy] Oh, I know thisguy. How ya doin’, babe? How are ya? Jimmy Olsen!Ladies and gentlemen, Jimmy Olsen. … [slaps theboy’s cheeks playfully] Get out o’ here, you’re a wiseguy. [to the much older gentleman sitting in the nextseat] Would you mind standin’ up, please, just for asecond? Tell everybody–
[Loud, joyous cheers and applause for elderly,bespectacled character actor Calvert DeForest, betterknown as Larry “Bud” Melman, a popular regular onNBC’s “Late Night with David Letterman” — someoneyells, “Larry ‘Bud’!”]
Buddy Young, Jr.: What’s your name, babe? Anddon’t tell me “Perry White” ’cause I’ll, uh, leave alog here. What’s your name?
Calvert DeForest: Calvert DeForest.
Buddy Young, Jr.: What is it?
Calvert DeForest: Calvert DeForest.
Buddy Young, Jr.: Who cares? You know what I’msaying to you? … Calvert, people know you, they seemto know you. What’s your real–? People know yourdifferent name?
Calvert DeForest: Yeah. Larry “Bud” Melman.[more cheers and applause]
Buddy Young, Jr.: What do you do,Larry?
Calvert DeForest: [giggles uncontrollably] …Work on the David Letterman–
Buddy Young, Jr.: Try to cheer up, will ya,please, Larry? … [Buddy has his arm around DeForestwho is inching away from him] What are you pullingaway from me–? I’m clean. I took a shower. … Youknow what I’m saying? Oh, it’s wild. That herpes,it’ll get you nuts, I’ll tell ya that. [DeForestcracks up at this] … You’re a good sport, babe. Youready the play the game?
Calvert DeForest: [has no clue but is open toanything] Of course! [laughs, realizing there is nogame to play] …
Buddy Young, Jr.: I faked you, you faked me, weended up here. Let me ask you this.
Calvert DeForest: What?
Buddy Young, Jr.: How are things goin’? What,are you workin’ or what?
Calvert DeForest: Uhhhh. Yeah.
Buddy Young, Jr.: You had to think about it?What, you’re up late, huh?
Calvert DeForest: [laughing] Yeah! … For achange.
Buddy Young, Jr.: I love this man. I love -this – man. You still seeing Vicki Carr?
Calvert DeForest: Yes. …
Buddy Young, Jr.: Oh, that’s good. Good luck toboth of you.
Calvert DeForest: Thank you.
Buddy Young, Jr.: You know what I’m sayin’?You’re a lovely guy. This is a great man! [applause]This is a great man! Larry “Bud”! [returns to the deskand sits] No, but we need– And he proves the pointthat what we need is love today. [to the crowd in thebalcony] You got love up there? You got love? [cheersand applause] We got love! They got love. Back to you,Chris. Get out of here. [drops the mike]
Christopher Guest: Thank you very much. That’sall the news. Thank you very much.
[More cheers and applause. Buddy’s theme plays. Buddyand Chris converse. Buddy waves dismissively at thecrowd. Fade.]
Air Date:
Simple Minds, “Alive & Kicking”
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Greg Kihn, “Lucky”
