Month: October 2018

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 7: Episode 4


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Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

Cameos:



Bit Players:


October 31st, 1981

Donald Pleasence

Fear

Michael Davis

John Belushi

Andy Warhol

Neil Levy
Vomiting For LuckSummary: Eddie Murphy convinces a nervous Donald Pleasance to vomit before the live show for good luck.

Transcript

Montage

Profiles In British CourageSummary:

Transcript

Jogger MotelSummary: Irksome joggers jog into the tunnel, where they become trapped like roaches and can’t get out.

Transcript

Two Faces of JerrySummary: Take your pick as to which persona of Jerry Lewis is more annoying — the childlike moron (Eddie Murphy) or the older, embittered Vegas hanger-on (Joe Piscopo).

Recurring Characters: Jerry Lewis, Jerry Lewis.

I’m So MiserableSummary: Disgruntled but lonely housewife (Christine Ebersole) cleans up the bloodied mess while singing about how she killed her husband (Neil Levy) the night before.

Transcript

Pumpkin CarvingSummary: In a film by Elbert Budin, a pumpkin carved into a jack-o-lantern is symbolic of a human head being mutilated for the same purpose.

Guardian AngelSummary: Guardian Angel (Eddie Murphy) gives tips on how you can survive in Harlem.

Michael DavisSummary: Comic-juggler Michael Davis juggles apples, including one jammed with razors in honor of Halloween.

SNL Newsbreak with Brian Doyle-MurraySummary: Field reporter Mary Gross tries to lure confidential information about President Ronald Reagan’s decision factor on the AWAC plan from advisor Frank Sinatra (Joe Piscopo). Meteorologist Christine Eversole is in no mood to give the night’s weather report after revealing that her apartment was robbed. Film critic Raheem Abdul Mohammed (Eddie Muprhy) loves to watch horror films because he gets to watch stupid white people die. Brian Doyle Murray is surprised to learn that tonight is his birthday.

Recurring Characters: Frank Sinatra, Raheem Abdul Mohammed.

Transcript

Tales From The Hip

Fear performs “I Don’t Care About You”

Annie Intermission

Sugar BreakfastSummary: To help set their day in fast-paced motion, members of a suburban family (Joe Piscopo, Mary Gross, Tony Rosato, Robin Duke) consume nothing but pure sugar and sugar by-products for breakfast.

Transcript

Andy Warhol’s TVSummary: Andy Warhol calls famous friends like Calvin Klein and Rona Barrett to see what they’re doing for Halloween, then his head falls off and he’s ready to go to a costume party.

Home Movie PitchSummary: Mary Gross updates viewers on the flood of home movies submitted since the season premiere, acknowledging that they’ve all sucked so far. She then plays a clip from Walter Smith’s cinematic embarrassment “Wonder Wally”.

The Vic Salukin ShowSummary: Vic Salukin (Tony Rosato) challenges his viewers to scare him over the phone for Halloween.

Recurring Characters: Vic Salukin.

Transcript

Fear performs “Beef Bologna”, “New York’s Alright If You Like Saxophones”, “Let’s Have A War”

Prose & ConsSummary: America’s hottest new writers are coming straight out of prison. Tyrone Green (Eddie Murphy) is but one example.

Recurring Characters: Tyrone Green.

Note: Repeat from 81a.

GoodnightsTranscript

SNL Transcripts

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 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 7: Episode 3

81c: George Kennedy / Miles Davis

Velvet Jones School of Technology

Velvet Jones…..Eddie Murphy
Woman…..Robin Duke

[Open with Velvet in front of a sign reading ‘Velvet Jones School of Technology’ in large type]

Velvet Jones: Hello! Are you a female high-school dropout between the ages of 16 and 25? Are you tired of doors being slammed in your face when you apply for a job? Are you tired of lying around in bed all day with nothing to do? Well, you never need get up again! Because in 6 short weeks, I can train you to be a high-payin’ ho! That’s right! It’s a known fact that a good ho can make up to $1500 a week! Just think, $1500 a week without even leaving the comforts of your own bedroom! Sound too good to be true? Just send for my new book entitled:

[Brings in the book]

Velvet Jones: ‘I Wanna Be a Ho’! And if, in 6 short weeks, you’re not confident that you can make big money as a ho workin’ for me, just send the book back for a full refund! It’s as simple as that!

[Oval-window opens on screen to the right of Velvet]

Woman in window: Well, you…you get to meet new people, travel, wear nice clothes, make money, and, have LOTS and lots of sex! Heh heh…what more could a woman ask for?

[Window closes; cut to screen displaying:]

“BE A HO”
Box 800
New York, N.Y.
99999

Voiceover: Rush $19.95 to “Be a Ho”, Box 800, New York, New York, 99999.

[Cut back to Velvet]

Velvet Jones: Be somebody! Be a ho!

Submitted by: Andrew Rae

SNL Transcripts

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 7: Episode 3

81c: George Kennedy / Miles Davis

Tuna Melts & Typing

Written by: Marilyn Suzanne Miller

Secretary…..Christine Ebersole
Janitor…..George Kennedy

[ open on office setting, as Secretary types at her desk ]

[ the Janitor enters with a bag lunch and a portable radio playing “Witchcraft” ]

Janitor: Tuna melt?

Secretary: Yeah.

Janitor: I got you an orange — I know you always like an orange.

Secretary: I’m looking for a left parenthesis.

Janitor: Ah… you’ll find it.

Secretary: I’d use right parenthesis, only I have a feeling it’s on the same key as the left parenthesis.

Janitor: You’ll find it. Relax.

Secretary: Oh, I’d use any parenthesis, I don’t care what key it’s in! Plain typing. I’m MUCH better in my own field: Keypunch.

Janitor: You just gotta relax. You’ll find it. Yeah, it’s like waiting for the dial tone sometimes. THat ever happen to you?

Secretary: I EXACTLY know the keyboard in my own field!

Janitor: You know… I like they’re making these tuna melt sandwiches on muffins now. I like them better, they’re crisper. It gives a contrast with the creaminess, the tuna fish part.

Secretary: I can’t fidn the hyphen.

Janitor: It’s hot on the bottom. It’s a good, warm dish. Eleven o’clock at night, you want a nice, warm dish. I’d like some cream and tomato soup — but what do you want, the sky? [ he chuckles ]

Secretary: How do you spell “lend-lease”?

Janitor: Approximate it.

Secretary: “Lend-lease”!

Janitor: Look, you can’t make yourself sick over these things. Take tonight, for example: Somebody spit up on the third floor. Am I gonna make myself sick over it? No! Because I know that life is too short. [ he points to the radio ] Sinatra knows that. Yuo can hear it in his singing, with all the emotions and stuff. He’s the voice. We used to listen to him in the Service. I was in the Service when he was singing. He was The Voice then.

Secretary: Uh-huh.

Janitor: He’s the voice now. Sinatra is The Voice.

Secretary: I like Marilu Henner.

Janitor: Who’s that?

Secretary: She’s the girl on “Taxi”!

Janitor: She ain’t “The Voice”.

Secretary: Well, she’s the only girl in the world of other cabdrivers.

Janitor: But Francis Albert Sinatra — all those emotions and stuff. He’s “The Voice”! That man fills Carnegie Hall, and he’s over 60 years old!

Secretary: Hey — what metal do you think my engagement ring should be — gold or white gold? I’m earning the money after hours, so it’s my decision.

Janitor: I bought my wife’s ring straight out of the Service. The stone was small, but it was serviceable. We got a split-level out on the island. They were all the same house, but we were paying different notes. We got a 10-inch TV, and we watched “Person To Person”… we watched “Omnibus”. I paid — right out of the Service.

Secretary: Yeah, well, I’d like something nice. I had this idea, of how you’d look at it in the sun all your life.

Janitor: [ chuckling ] Well, if you’re gonna be looking at something in the sun all your life…

Secretary: That’s what I say! It should be able to reflect the sun’s rays, and you should be able to enjoy it. Nothing gaudy — something like Marilu Henner would wear.

Janitor: I don’t think that’s too romantic, paying for your own engagement ring. That’s not to pass judgment on your engagement, I mean that’s nobody’s business.

Secretary: Well, it’s NOT romantic, but let’s face facts! If you added up the price of an engagement ring, you could buy yourself half of Fort Maverick!

Janitor: I can see that.

Secretary: Hmm. Yeah, you’re up against that — you can’t make a move now.

Janitor: But, but an engagement ring. You — you start speaking about an engagement, and — and — and there’s emotions and such.

Secretary: It’s no more less emotional if I work for it or not! And I get the ring I want! It goes with my clothes… it goes with my shoes… I walk out on the street, and it matches everything. I mean, I drop change in the bus stp, and even I’m looking at my left hand. I can’t wash with soap in the ladies rom, because the soap gets right in the ring there… I can’t even leave it on the sink! I go out to an expensive evening… I pull out my Visa card… I got a ring, and it’s got a size to it. I look like Cher on Chastity’s birthday. Like Marilu Henner in an exclusive Post photo. I pass myself in store windows, and I look like EXACTLY what I think I should look like.

Janitor: Because you want a big ring, with a big stone. Look at it in the sun, it’s all shiny, and half of Fort Maverick! What happened to emotions and such? This is the possibility for a GREAT time in your life — a small and serviceable ring, and something you can’t give yourself: Romance. You can’t just turn on a radio and get Sinatra all the time! You get Helen O’Connell, you get Patti Paige, even William b. Williams only plays him once every four cuts. This is the BEST time you’re ever gonna have in your life, and you’re sitting they’re worrying how to spell “Lend-lease”!

Secretary: Well, you don’t have to get so offensive. You know, no one can tell you ,i>anything,/i> without it going RIGHT to your head!

Janitor: But, sometimes, you don’t know WHAT you need! Sometimes, maybe you just need a… a… good autumn dish, I don’t know. [ the song changes on the radio ] That’s Helen O’Connell.

Secretary: Working for my engagement ring was my own idea.

Janitor: That’s a nice tune… that’s got emotions and stuff. She sang with Jimmy Dorsey.

Secretary: Yeah, I saw her on “Miss Universe”. She’s the one that tells you how to get your hair done before the commercials.

Janitor: She ain’t the Voice, but… that’s a nice tune.

Secretary: A nice tune.

Janitor: Yeah, she ain’t bad.

Secretary: Yeah.

Janitor: I kinda like her. Life is too short.

[ they finish eating thir tuna fish sandwiches ]

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 7: Episode 3

81c: George Kennedy / Miles Davis

53 at Studio 54

…..George Kennedy
Doorman…..Tony Rosato

[ open on exterior, Studio 54, as George Keendy tries to worm his way through thecrowd ]

George Kennedy: Excuse me. Excuse me, please. Sorry. Excuse me, please, would’ya? Excuse me, I-I’m sorry. Excuse me, please. Pardon me. Excuse me. [ he reaches the Doorman ] Uh — hey, uh?

Doorman: Yeah?

George Kennedy: Excuse me, but I — I think you’ll find my name on your guest list.

Doorman: Oh, yeah?

George Kennedy: Uh-huh.

Doorman: What’s your name?

George Kennedy: Kennedy.

Doorman: Kennedy?

George Kennedy: Uh-huh!

Doorman: Hold it! You’re a —

George Kennedy: Uh-huh!

Doorman: Oh, yeah! Hold on for just a second, let me just take a look… [ he looks through the list ] Oh, here we go.

George Kennedy: George.

Doorman: Kennedy, George.

George Kennedy: Uh-huh

Doorman: George Kennedy?

George Kennedy: Right!

Doorman: [ not so impressed ] Ah. Oh, okay. Uh, Mr. Kenedy, why don’t you just wait over there, we’ll put your name on the list, alright? [ Kennedy appears confused ] Yeah, just wait over there, you’ll be okay. [ Kennedy steps away ] We’ve got a Senior Citizens dance on Saturday night – you know that, right?

[ disco music starts to play, as Kennedy works a few painful moves ]

George Kennedy: [ singing ]
“All the hip joints knew my face
but now my hip joint’s been replaced.
Once I get down, I can’t get off the floor
It’s no fun to be… 53 at Studio 54.

I tripped the light with Jackie O
I danced all night with Brooke and Bo
Even Andy and Divine now seem a bore.
It’s no fun to be… 53 at Studio 54.

It’s no kick to snort and smoke and joke with artists and their models
when you wheeze and cough and only take your drugs from plastic bottles.

Four weeks on, and I stay awake from dinners of Peruvian flake
Now, even Sanka makes me pace the floor.
It’s no fun to be… 53 at Studio 54.

It’s no fun to be… 53 at Studio 54.

It’s no fun to be… 86’d by Studio 54.”

[ Kennedy dejectedly takes his place at the end of the line ]

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 7: Episode 3

81c: George Kennedy / Miles Davis

Spray-On Laetril

Gwen…..Christine Ebersole
Peggy…..Mary Gross
Scientists…..Eddie Murphy, Tim Kazurinsky, Tony Rosato
Ted…..Joe Piscopo

Announcer: [ over slide ] And now a message from Tijuana Laboratories for new spray-On Laetril.

[ open on Peggy sitting on the couch as Gwen enters the room smoking ]

Gwen: Hey, Peggy — shouldn’t you be getting ready for the Prom? Ted’s gonna be picking you up in just a few minutes.

Peggy: Gee… I’d love to go to the dance tonight, Gwen… but I can’t. I have lung cancer.

Gwen: [ she laughs ] Oh! Oh, is that all? Well, that used to be a problem, but no longer — [ she picks up product ] Not with new Spray-On Laetril! Now available in the pump!

[ dissolve to three scientists spraying product on their faces ]

Scientists: [ singing ] “The pump! The pump! The pump! The pump! The pump!”

[ dissolve back to Gwen and Peggy ]

Gwen: Just spray on Laetril… [ she sprays it on Peggy’s back over an inking labeled “LUNG CANCER” ] and wipe malignancy off! [ she rubs the ink off with a sponge ] I smoke about six packs a day, and frankly, my lungs look like moldy spinach! Until I discovered new Spray-On Laetril in the pump!

[ dissolve to three scientists spraying product on their faces ]

Scientists: [ singing ] “The pump! The pump! The pump! The pump! The pump!”

[ dissolve back to Gwen and Peggy, SUPER: “Minutes Later” ]

[ the doorbell rings, as Peggy answers ]

Peggy: Hi, Ted!

Ted: [ enters, smoking ] Ohhhh, gosh, Peggy, you look GREAT! I thought you only had a few days to live?

Peggy: I did! But Spray-On Laetril gave me a new lease on life!

Ted: Spray-On? But don’t those aerosols release dangerous florocarbons into our atmosphere?

Peggy: No, silly! This comes in the pump!

[ dissolve to three scientists spraying product on their faces ]

Scientists: [ singing ] “The pump! The pump! The pump! The pump! The pump!”

[ they begin to spray one another, cracking up ]

[ dissolve back to Peggy’s house, SUPER: “After The Prom” ]

[ Peggy and Ted enter, still smoking ]

Ted: Boy… Peggy, I really had a swell time tonight. May I stay over and have sex with you?

Peggy: Oh, of course you can! But it’s only fair to warn you — I hsve syphillis.

Ted: Syph, too?

Peggy: Syph, too.

Ted: Oh. Well, will new Spray-On Laetril…?

Peggy: I’m afraid not.

[ she attempts to kiss Ted, as he pulls away ]

Announcer: We here at Tijuana Laboratories may not haev the answer to all your medical problems, but we’re working on it.

[ dissolve to slide ]

Announcer: Tijuana Laboratories. Serving America’s health needs since 1977.

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 7: Episode 3

81c: George Kennedy / Miles Davis

A Few Minutes With Andy Rooney

Andy Rooney…..Joe Piscopo
Mrs. Rooney…..Christine Ebersole

Announcer: [ over title slide ] And now, “A Few Minutes With Andy Rooney”.

[ dissolve to Andy Rooney seated before his clutter-filled desk ]

Andy Rooney: I’ve been doing some serious thinking about CHOCOLATE! Ever notice chocolate? There’s so many different kinds. [ he holds up various pieces of chocolate ] There’s dark chocolate… milk chocolate… white chocolate. Did you ever meet anybody who actually likes white chocolate? Ed Bradley does. Of course, Ed’s kinda white, anyway!

Did you ever notice there aren’t many homosexuals named “Buster”?

Of course, everybody likes a box of chocolate. [ he holds up a box ] It’s all neat and organized. Don’t you hate it when your wife takes a bite out of a piece that she doesn’t like, and then puts half of it back? Honey… why do you do that/?

[ the camera pans out to find Mrs. Rooney seated next to Andy ]

Mrs. Rooney: I don’t know! Ever notice how sloppy some husbands keep their desks?

Andy Rooney: Did you ever notice how cetain wives nag? I guess they mean well… but it always come out as NAGGING!

Mrs. Rooney: Ever notice how some husbands don’t age particularly well?

Andy Rooney: Did you ever spend half your life with someone and just get tired of them… but you don’t have the heart to ask them to leave?

Mrs. Rooney: Did you ever FAKE an orgasm?

Andy Rooney: [ he gives her a dirty look ] Did you ever lose you eyes and pretend your wife was Jessica Savitch?

Mrs. Rooney: Ever cheat on your husband?

Andy Rooney: Ever cheat on your wife?

Mrs. Rooney: Of course, it’s better not to tell!

[ dissolve to title card ]

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 7: Episode 3

81c: George Kennedy / Miles Davis

Control Room ’81

Contestant #1…Regis Philbin
Contestant #2…Ron Howard
…George Kennedy
Woman…Christine Ebersole

[Open on darkened stage. Game show theme plays]

Announcer: Number One, what is your name, please? [Spotlight shines on contestants as the camera zooms in]

Contestant #1: My name is George Kennedy. [applause]

Announcer: Number Two. [Camera pans to second contestant]

Contestant #2: My name…is…George Kennedy. [applause]

Announcer: Number Three. [Camera pans to third contestant]

George Kennedy: My name is George Kennedy. [applause]

[Camera zooms out to show all three contestants]

Announcer: I, George Kennedy have appeared in over 50 movies in both starring and supporting roles. I am best known for my Academy Award-winning performance in…

[Picture suddenly goes out. Cut to wide shot of the stage as the actors stand looking confused]

Voice: Uh, folks. We’ve, ah — this is the control room — we’ve, ah, just lost a camera. We’ve got some other ones, though. Let’s roll another camera in and please stand by while we take it again from the top.

[Stage lights are turned off. Game show theme plays again as first contestant is shown]

Announcer: Number One, what is your name, please?

Contestant #1: My name is George Kennedy.

Announcer: Number Two.

Contestant #2: My name is…

[Picture goes out again]

Voice: Uh, guys? Uh, we-we just lost another camera…but there’s no problem! This is a four-camera show and we can certainly do it with two cameras! Start again from the top.

[Lights go out and game show theme resumes]

Announcer: Number One, what is your name, please?

Contestant #1: My name is…[Picture goes out. Screen fills with static]

Voice: [panicked] I can’t believe it. We lost another camera! The chromera’s spiking and we’re losing our convergence! I’m trying not to panic, but this is a time I really wanna panic!

Woman’s Voice: [Gasps and screams] Please, somebody, get in here! We need help! Oh God!

[Cut to control room, where all the technicians are slumped over in their seats. The woman is trying to wake them up]

Woman: [crying] How could this happen? Oh my God, everybody, somebody, wake up! Oh my God, come on!

[George Kennedy enters]

George Kennedy: [yelling] What the hell is going on in here?! Who’s in charge?!

Woman: Ah-ah-I guess I am.

George Kennedy: Who are you?!

Woman: I’m the script girl.

George Kennedy: What is the matter with all of these people?!

Woman: They all had heart attacks, okay! [cries]

George Kennedy: What a bunch of wimps! Get outta the chair! [He pushes a technician off his chair, sits at the control panel and puts on a pair of headphones] Master Control. Master Control, this is Studio 8H. Do you read me?

Master Control: This is Master Control. Go ahead.

George Kennedy: This is George Kennedy. We got an emergency down here. I’m gonna take over the controls.

Master Control: [sternly] You cannot do that! You’re not a member of the technicians union!

George Kennedy: Now you listen to me and you hear this good! I got 300 people out there, I got 20 coronaries in here, seven actors and a trained dog, so don’t give me any of that bleedin’ hearts crud about unions!

Master Control: You’re crazy!

George Kennedy: I may be crazy, but I’ll tell you one thing, I’m in charge here! You stand by to roll! Ready, roll! [George pushes lever up, making picture fade to black] Five, four, three, two, one. Cue the music. Go! [Opening sequence and music start]

Submitted by: John Ravetti

SNL Transcripts

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 7: Episode 3

81c: George Kennedy / Miles Davis

Mister Robinson’s Neighborhood

Mr. Robinson…..Eddie Murphy
Mr. Landlord…..Tim Kazurinsky

[ open on toy model of a housing project, with SUPER: “MISTER ROBINSON’S NEIGHBORHOOD”, as police sirens sound ]

[ dissolve to interior, apartment, as Mr. Robinson enters ]

Mr. Robinson: [ singing ]
“It’s… one… hell of a day in the neighborhood
A hell of a day for a neighbor
Would you be mine?
Could you be mine?
I hope I get to move in your neighborhood someday
The problem is: When I move in… y’all move away!
So… come out with some folks and a smoke
You bring the stash, ’cause Robinson’s broke!
Will you be mine?
Won’t you be mine?
Won’t you be my neighbor?”

[ he finishes changing into his sweater and shoes ]

Mr. Robinson: Hello, boys and girls! We all alone today. You know why? My wife walked out on me! Isn’t that nice? I’m so glad the bitch is gone! I hate —

[ the doorbell buzzes; chimes go off ]

[ Mr. Robinson purses his lips ]

Mr. Robinson: Who could that be? Let’s see! [ he walks up the short flight of stairs and stands before the door ] This is how you answer a door in my neighborhood: WHO IS IT?!!

Muffled Voice: Mr. Robinson! Open the door! I heard you in there, I heard you singing! Open up! Come on!! [ he bangs on the door ] COME ON!!!

[ Mr. Robinson purses his lips and opens the door ]

Mr. Robinson: It’s Mr. Landlord! Hello, Mr. Landlord!

[ Mr. Landlord blows cigar smoke in Mr. Robinson’s face ]

Mr. Landlord: What the –? Cut the BULL, will ‘ya?! You’re rent’s SIX MONTHS overdue! [ he shoves paperwork in Mr. Robinson’s chest ] A summons!

[ Mr. Landlord leaves ]

Mr. Robinson: Ohhhh, look! An eviction notice! Brought by Mr. Landlord! [ he slams his door ] Can you say “Scumbucket”? THat’s our special word for today, boys and girls! [ he points out the word on his easel ] Do you know any scumbuckets? I bet you do! You know, I did have the money to pay this rent… and then all of a sudden it mysteriously disappeared! And then my wife showed up with a new dress on. Want to see that dress now, boys and girls? [ he holds up the dress ] See the footprint on it? I ain’t take it off when I do that, neither! You know what we gonna do? Visit the President, and find out why I’m so po’! Who wants to go to the Magical Land of Make-Believe? Would you like that? We gonna visit the President!

[ dissolve to puppet playhouse ]

Mr. Robinson V/O: Who wants to visit the President?

[ Mr. Robinson raises his hand, covered with black cottonball-tipped fingers, from behind the curtain ]

Ghetto Family V/O: We want to talk to the President! We would like to speak with the president! Where is he? The President’s always late! He ain’t never on time!

[ Mr. Robinson raises his other hand, holding a lop-sided President Ronald Reagan doll, from behind the curtain ]

President Ronald Reagan V/O: Here I am! My neck is hurtin’, though. How you doin’? I’m the President! What’s the problem?

Ghetto Family V/O: Say, Mr. President! How come you cut off my relief funding, and I got evicted from my house?! And how come I sound like Geraldine?!

President Ronald Reagan V/O: Well, I can’t do anything to help you with that, my friend!

Ghetto Family V/O: Mr. President! Mr. President, I have a question! Uh — how come you don’t sell one of them planes, you know, so I could have a full lunch?!

President Ronald Reagan V/O: I’m sorry, uh… I can’t answer that question, neither!

Ghetto Family V/O: But, Mr. President! [ Mr. Robinson lowers the four outer fingers and leaves only his middle finger pointing upward ] I think I speak for ALL Black people! Mr. President!

President Ronald Reagan V/O: I don’t have no more time for no more questions! Sorry!

[ both hands dissppear behind the curtain ]

[ cut to a side shot, as Mr. Robinson smiles from behind the puppet playhouse ]

Mr. Robinson: Well… I have to go now, boys and girls. So, bye bye! [ singing ] “A very happy tomorrow to you!” [ he throws down the Reagan puppet ]

[ dissolve to the prop exterior of Mr. Robinson’s building ]

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 7: Episode 3

81c: George Kennedy / Miles Davis

George Kennedy’s Monologue

…..George Kennedy

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen — George Kennedy and the cast of “Saturday Night Live”!

[ the cast pile up together on the stage, as George Kennedy appears behind them ]

George Kennedy: [ in full Joe Patroni mode ] Alright! Alright, alright, alright! Cut the crap! Cut the crap! We got twenty million people out there watching, and I’m gonna REDLINE this sucker! Let’s gooooo!!

Tony Rosato: Alright!

[ everyone runs to their places ]

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 7: Episode 3

81c: George Kennedy / Miles Davis

Goodnights

…..George Kennedy

George Kennedy: If I could adopt kids, I’d adopt four kids named Cary and Shannon and Chris and Shawna, and they’d be in California watching. If I could adopt seven more kids, I’d adopt this bunch! Please!

SNL Transcripts