[ open on Hugh Laurie standing at Home Base strumming a guitar ]
Hugh Laurie: This is a protest song. [ blows on a harmonica attached to his neck ]
[ singing ]
“Well, the poor keep getting hungry, and the rich keep getting fat Politicians change, but they’re never gonna change that. Girl, we got the answer, it’s so easy you won’t believe All we gotta do is.. [ mumbles incoherently ]
Well, the winds of war are blowin’, and the tide is comin’ in Don’t you be hopin’ for the good times, because the good times have already been. But, girl, we got the answer, it’s so easy you won’t believe All we gotta do is.. [ mumbles incoherently ]
It’s so easy, to see If only they’d listen, to you and me. We got to.. [ mumbles incoherently ] as fast as we can We got to.. [ mumbles incoherently ] every woman, every man We got to.. [ mumbles incoherently ] time after time We got to.. [ mumbles incoherently ] vodka and lime.
Well, the world is gettin’ weary, and it wants to go to bed Everybody’s dyin’, except the ones who are already dead. Girl, we got the answer, starin’ us right in the face All we gotta do is All we gotta do is All we gotta do is.”
[ pauses, then blows on the harmonica and finishes ]
(The scale stage is once again shown before panning over to Beck and his band)
Beck: [ singing ] “I’ll clap my hands along, and rattle on like a vagabond I’ll rip my uniform, and bend the floor to the early mornin I’ll save my best for last and after that don’t even ask me I’ll shake your dollar bill, and spend it all before the bombsll kill me.
Clap hands, that’s right Clap hands, clap hands that’s right Clap hands clap-clap hands.
I’ll take my broken bell, and make it ring like a million churches I’ll scratch that kind of itch, down in the ditch and switch my plates out I’ll drive to San Francisco, death to disco take my shirt off I’ll swim to Mexico, don’t tell the mermaids where I’m goin.
Clap hands, that’s right Clap hands, clap hands that’s right Clap hands clap-clap hands.
I’ll clap me hands along, and rattle on like a vagabond I’ll rip my uniform, and bend the floor to the early mornin I’ll save my best for last and after that don’t even ask me I’ll shake your dollar bill, and spend it all before the bombsll kill me.
Clap hands, that’s right clap hands, clap hands that’s right clap, clap.”
(A scale version of the musical stage is shown with puppets of Beck and his band, as we pan over to the real stage with Beck and his band. There are a few cutaways during the performance to this small stage)
Beck: 1, 2, 3, 4
“Now I’m a seasick sailor On a ship of noise I got my maps all backwards And my instincts poisoned In a truth blown gutter Full of wasted years Like blown-out speakers Ringin’ in my ears.
Oh it’s nausea, oh nausea And we’re gone. It’s nausea, oh nausea And we’re gone.
Now I’m a straight-line walker In a black-out room I push a shopping cart over In an Aztec ruin With my minion fingers Working for some God Who could see his own reflection In a parking lot.
Oh it’s nausea, oh nausea And we’re gone. No it’s nausea, oh nausea And we’re gone.
Now I’m a priest teenager On a tower of dust I’m a dead generator In a cloud of exhaust I eat alone in the desert With skulls for my pets I rate the days, one to ten With lead cigarettes.
It’s nausea, oh nausea And we’re gone. It’s nausea, oh nausea And we’re gone.”
Hugh Laurie: [ over the applause ] Thank you, thank you. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls – I am very excited to be here hosting this great show —
[ suddenly, what is now noticed to be canned applause, fades and quiets ]
— in this great city, in this great and venerable building! Very, very, very excited, uh – I would be more excited if I weren’t also slightly medicated. [ scattered laughter ] But, uh, even so – you see, it’s a huge honor — uh, and I thank you. Now, uh – introductions. As the nice man said, my name is Hugh Laurie. Uh — [ the audience bursts into applause ] Of course, I would genuinely love to know all your names, uhh – it’s not really a profitable use of our time is it? Uh, so, instead, if you don’t mind, I’m just going to call you, collectively, Sweet Cheeks. If that’s alright. [ the audience chortles ]
Uh – now, Sweet Cheeks – if you know me at all, it’s, perhaps, as the curmudgeonly, misanthrope “House”, from the TV show of that name. [ the audience cheers ] Goodness! How did that drop out of the conversation, I wonder? Uh – but in real life, the trith is I’m neither misanthropic or curmudgeonly. Um – in real life, I am.. [ thinking ] I am.. daffodils. [ soft music fills the background ] I’m the morning dew. I am.. the laughter of children. I’m the smell of freshly-baked bread. I’m the postman’s cheery “Good morning.” I’m the yelp of a puppy, free from the microwave. [ the audience gasps ] I am.. chicken-fed corn. The seven of clubs that fills the inside straight. I’m the grateful twinkle in your grandmother’s eyes, as you reverse the tractor off her legs. I am sugar, spice, and all things nice. I’m the click on an empty chamber, whenit’s your turn at Russian Roulette. I am hope.. love.. mankind.. the world. I am.. everything. [ a beat ] It’s called lithium, by the way, if you’re interested. Some side effects, but otherwise it’s absolutely excellent.
Now, uh – Sweet Cheeks! Uh, before “House”, I had a long and very theatrical career. My Bottom was much in demand at the royal Shakespeare Company in the late 80’s. Uh – although I didn’t actually do “Midsummer Night’s Dream” until 1994. [ the audience laughs with a spirit of mild confusion ] Uh – heh! That was a Shakespeare joke, and, frankly, not a good one!
Um – now, Sweet Cheeks, if you’re half as sharp as I think you are, I’m sure you’ll be thinking – and you will, you will notice that I am English. Um – yeah. And, uh — bu, now, some of you may be thinking, “Well, hold on! English is a language! How can you be a language?” But you see – it so happens that English.. is also a nationality! Allow me to explain. [ glances to his side ] Uh – can I have a map, please? Yes. Thank you. [ a United States map is wheeled forward; Laurie looks around with confusion ] A map with England on it would have been preferable. That’s okay – never mind, never mind. [ stands next to the map ] Okay. So that means England would be.. about right where my right nipple is. Um, if I had one. But that’s a long story. Uh – no, actually, let’s just forget the map. [ pushes it away ]
Uh – so what can you expect from an Englishman hosting an American comedy show? Well, firstly – humour! Uh – with a “u”, because.. that’s how we spell it over there. Uh – and when I say “humour”, I mean overly elaborate puns that may take you days to understand, with very little payoff. Uh – there’ll be many sketches about – or regarding – bad teeth. Uh – you’ll be hearing “By jove” a lot. “Jolly good.” And, of course, “bollocks.” Uh – it will rain at some point during the show. And every sketch will be served with peas. Please! Don’t try to plug in your hairdryers, because it will start an electrical fire.
And, last, but not least – Beck is here! So, Sweet Cheeks, stick around, we’ll be right back!
[Opens with shot of fancy buildings on a metropolitancity. Cut to an office. Linder & Bowles conduct a jobinterview. Bowles sits behind a desk reading a resume,Linder casually sits on top of the desk. Attractiveblond businesswoman sits in front of them]
Bowles: Your resume looks great, Rebecca.
Linder: Oh, yeah. You are more than qualified.
Rebecca: Thank you. I’m just happy to be considered.
Linder: You should be. Linder & Bowles its thelargest, most powerful full service law firm inConnecticut.
Rebecca: Oh, I know.
Bowles: So it says here that you went to Columbia?
Rebecca: I studied economics, yes.
Linder: Economics, mmmm.
Bowles: Then you moved to Illinois. Where were you?
Rebecca: Schaumberg.
Bowles: Mmmm. Sounds fancy.
Rebecca: It was ok. I was just working for aninsurance company.
Bowles: Oh, really? What did you do there?
Rebecca: Legal assistant.
Linder: Legal assistant? Oooooooeeeeeoooohh!!!!
Bowles: Legal assistant.
Rebecca: Yeah, my duties were answering phones andfiling.
Linder: Oooooeeeeeooooohh!!!
Rebecca: It wasn’t a big deal. Just secretarialstuff.
Bowles: Ooooooeeeeeooooohh!!!! Now tell us, whatqualifications you feel you’ll bring to our firm?
Rebecca: Well, let’s see. I’m bright.
Linder & Bowles: Oooooooeeeeeoooohh!!!!
Rebecca: And I’m a quick study.
Linder & Bowles: Ooooooeeeeeoooohh!!!
Rebecca: I’m a people person.
Linder & Bowles: Ooooooeeeeeooooohh!!!
Rebecca: I’m focused.
Linder & Bowles: Ooooooeeeeoooohh!!!
Rebecca: Oh, lets see. What else? Oh, yeah. I’mpunctual.
Linder & Bowles: Oooooeeeeoooohh!!!
Rebecca: Conscientious.
Linder & Bowles: Ooooooeeeeeooooohh!!!
Rebecca: Good with clients.
Linder & Bowles: Oooooooeeeeoooohh!!!
Rebecca: I listen—
Linder & Bowles: Oooooeeeooooohh!!!
Rebecca: —and ok, that’s it. That’s it.
Bowles: That’s it? Come on, Rebecca. Just tell us onemore positive thing about yourself.
Rebecca: One more thing?
Linder: Yes, please.
Rebecca: Umm…[Linder & Bowles eagerly wait for it,mouths puckered for their childish “Oooooeeeooohh!!”]I really don’t mind working long—-
Linder & Bowles: Oooooooeeeeooooohh!!!
Rebecca: —hours.
Linder & Bowles: Oooooeeeoooohh!!!
Rebecca: I’m sorry, I’m sorry. That, that thing thatyou’re doing.
Linder: What’s that?
Rebecca: That “Ooooooeeeeoooohh!!!” Is that a goodthing?
Linder: Yes, yeah.
Rebecca: Oh, ok. Great, so I guess—
[Phone rings]
Bowles: Excuse me.[picks up]This is Bowles.Oooooooeeeeooooohh!!! Oooooooeeeeooohh!! Indictment.Oooooeeeeeeoooooohh!!! Ok, I’ll put him on.[passesphone to Linder]
Linder: Howard Linder. What?! Oooooooeeeeeeooooohh!!Ok. Bye-bye.[hangs up]
Bowles: Well….
Rebecca: Ok, well…
Bowles: You’re hired. Welcome to Linder & Bowles.
Rebecca: Oh, my God! I’m gonna be working at Linder &Bowles! Oooooooeeeeeooooohh!!
[It goes horribly wrong]
Linder: I’m sorry, what was that?
Rebecca: Ooooooeeeoooohh!! You know, oooeeeooohh.
Bowles: Are you being sarcastic?
Linder: Yeah, it sounds like you’re making fun of usor something.
Rebecca: No, no,no, I was just excited, ooohhh.
Bowles: You know, Rebecca. I think we are going tohave to do a little more thinking on this. I’m sorry.
Rebecca: Oh, wow, ok, me too.
Linder: Just get out. Go! Get out! yeah, get out.Walk! There you go.
Derek Acorah…..Hugh Laurie John Gilbert…..Fred Armisen Yvette Fielding…..Amy Poehler Stuart Torrevill…..Bill Hader
Narrator: As the team climbed the stairs to Chillingham Castle bedroom, Derek Acorah insisted he could hear the sound of a young boy crying. The closer he got, the more agitated he became.
(Scene begins in nightvision with slight laughter from audience..)
Derek Acorah: How are our sound levels?
John: Nothing out of the ordinary yet.
Derek Acorah: I hear the cries of a small boy. He’s crying out. I’ve been drawn to the energy around the armoire. Every — everyone else, stay there.
Yvette: Stuart, you have your camera ready?
Stuart: Ready.
Derek Acorah: So here we stand in total darkness in the room of a small boy who suffocated in this very armoire. (shouts out:) Do you have a name? Are you here with us? Why do you cry out?
Yvette: Speak to us. Let your presence be known!
Stuart: If you can hear us, give us a sign!
(Extremely loud fart sound is heard – loud laughter from audience)
Stuart: What was that?
Yvette: Did anyone else hear that?
John: Yeah, I did.
Derek Acorah: (stammering) N-no, I just uh shifted my feet, uh, i-i-it was probably just the tennis slippers scooting against the floor.
Yvette: No, I’m sure that wasn’t it! Do we have playback on that?
John: Well, let me check.
Derek Acorah: (stammering) NO, d-d-d-don’t bother, don’t bother.
John: Got it.
(Fart sound is played back)
Yvette: Let’s hear it again.
(Sound plays again – laughter from audience)
Yvette: Oh my God!
Stuart: That made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up!
John: I’m calling for back-up on the walkie talkie.
Derek Acorah: Oh, no.. It — it sounded more like a, like a… very fat bug uh just flew into the windowpane. That’s what it sounded like to me.
Yvette: That was not a bug! Everyone, listen to it again!
(Sound plays again – more laughter)
Derek Acorah: Look, look…this..this is an old castle. It’s probably large stones, shifting in the foundation.
Yvette: It’s like a spirit is trying to tell us something.
John: You know, I can slow it down…
Yvette: Yeah, good idea, good idea. Let’s see if it’s the boy trying to communicate with us.
John: Here it is…
(Sound plays slowly – extremely loude laughter from audience)
(Derek rolls his eyes and groans)
Yvette: Shhh!!! Listen.. It sounded like he said a name. Julian. Did you hear it? Ju-u-ulian, Ju-u-lian (Loudly to the room): Who is Julian, are you Julian?
Stuart: Let’s hear it again.
(Sound plays slowly – more laughter)
Stuart: Sounded more like Roger to me. RO-O-O-Oger. Ro-o-oger. (Shouts to room:) Is there a Roger here?
John: Let me hear it again, but slower.
(Sound plays very, very slow – more laughter from audience)
John: Seems to me it sounds like a young boy saying, “WHHHYYYY? WHHHHYYYY?”
Derek Acorah: Uh, I think I just heard far-off cries from another room in a far off area of the castle! W-we should move there immediately and leave here!
Yvette: But there’s so much paranormality here. Stuart, do you have playback on the thermal camera?
Stuart: I’m gonna need some light.
(The room lights up normally, after being in nightvision)
Stuart: Ok, let me cue it up…Got it!
(Thermal cam shows infrared image of Derek, panning down to his butt, where a misty cloud of air escapes. – Laughter and applause from audience)
Derek Acorah: (rolls his eyes and mumbles) Oh, God.
Yvette: Oh, my god. This is terrifying! Stuart, can we see it again in slow motion?
Derek Acorah: Oh, please!
(Thermal cam image is shown again in slow motion – more laughter and applause)
Yvette: What do you make of it, Stuart?
Stuart: The spirit’s energy seems to be focused right behind Derek.
Derek Acorah: Look, we should-we should get out of here, t-this could be bad you know.
Yvette: Oh my God! As I’m approaching you, Derek, there’s an intesifying sulfuric smell! Everyone! Come over here and stand next to Derek!
John: Alright, nobody move. There is definitely evil here. Oh, I’m getting light headed!!!
Derek Acorah: (Fed up) Oh, bloody hell, I broke wind alright?!!! Why- Why do you have to investigate things so exhaustively?!!
Yvette: Because we’re bloody paranormal investigators!
Derek Acorah: Look, I LET ONE RIP!!! You’ve solved the mystery, are you happy?!!!
Child’s voice in background: Julian!
Everyone: (Ad-libbed) : Maybe we should leave, yeah let’s leave. Definitely. Alright.
Announcer: [ over title graphic ] We now return to The Late Night Movie: “The Curse of Frankenstein.” They still do these late night movie things, right?
[ dissolve to exterior, Frankenstein’s castle ]
[ dissolve to stock footage, villagers running through the night with torches ablaze ]
[ cut to exterior, main door of Frankenstein’s castle, as the villagers scream with a collective force ]
Head Villager: Hold it, everyone! He’s right in there! Dr. Frankenstein! Give us your answer!
[ the villagers begin screaming again, as Frankenstein’s Monster steps through the door ]
Villager !: There he is! The Monster!
Frankenstein’s Monster: Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, hey, oh!! You guys looking for Frankenstein?
Crowd: YES!!!!
Frankenstein’s Monster: [ holds up his stitched hands ] You guys got the wrong house?
Head Villager: What do you mean, we got the wrong house?
Villager #1: YEAH?!! WHAT DO YOU MEAN?!!
Frankenstein’s Monster: SHUT UP!! [ they silence ] You got the wrong house! Frankenstein lives, uh — [ points behind the villagers ] Yeah, he lives over there. Across the moor.
Head Villager: Across the moor?
Frankenstein’s Monster: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! It’s, uh – a big castle.. uh, it’s got those, uh — [ snaps fingers ] oh, what do you call it, those white trees out front, uh —
Head Villager: You mean birch trees?
Frankenstein’s Monster: Yeah. Whatever.
Head Villager: [ embarrassed ] Well. Sorry about that.
[ Frankenstein’s Monster shrugs vacantly ]
Head Villager: WRONG HOUSE!! ACROSS THE MOOR!!
[ the villagers run back in the opposite directino from which they came ]
[ stock footage of villagers running through the night ]
[ cut to villagers standing at Dracula’s door ]
Dracula: He said what?! I’m Frankenstein?! [ chuckles, as he files his fingernails ] I’m sorry, guys – I think someone’s messin’ with ya’. I’m Dracula! See? [ shows off his outfit ] Cape. Fangs. Widow’s peak. Frankenstein’s, uh.. way back that way. [ points back in the direction the villagers just came from ] Across the moor.
Head Villager: Back that way? We just came from there. He said Frankenstein lives here!
Villager #1: Yeah!
Villager #2: Yeah, he said Frankenstein lives HERE!!
[ all the villagers join in the chorus ]
Dracula: Hold on, hold on, hold on – what did this guy look like?
Villager #1: He was TALL!
Dracula: Right, right, okay – what else?
Villager #2: He had BOLTS in his neck!
Dracula: Uh-huh. What else?
Villager #3: He was gree-ee-ee-eennnn!
Dracula: Okay. Tall guy, green, bolts in his neck – yeah, I hate to break it to you, but that’s Frankenstein!
Head Villager: Okay.. well, alright. I believe we’ve made a bit of a mistake. Sorry to trouble you! [ to the villagers ] Across the moor!!
Crowd: ACROSS THE MOOR!!
[ the villagers run back in the opposite direction from which they came ]
[ stock footage of villagers running through the night ]
[ cut to villagers standing at Frankenstein’s door ]
Frankenstein’s Monster: Well, uh.. he’s a li-ar! That’s what!
Head Villager: Well.. what about the bolts in your neck?
Frankenstein’s Monster: Oh, great, thanks a lot! I almost forgot about that spinal injury I had when I was four-years old! Thanks for bringing back those rosy memories! Hey – my dog died last year, why don’t you make a few jokes about that?!
Villager #1: He’s a mon-sterrrr!!
[ all the villagers join in the chorus ]
Frankenstein’s Monster: Hey, now we’re name-calling! What am I, in the 7th grade, all of a sudden! Well, you know what? You’re all a bunch of dicks! How do you like that?
Head Villager: Well, how do we know you’re not Frankenstein’s Monster?
Frankenstein’s Monster: How do I know you’re not Frankenstein’s Monster, you freakin’ genius?! I mean — [ glances at villager stepping too close with a lit torch ] Hey, dude – get that fire away from me. Alright? [ to ?? ] I mean, you could be a monster, you know? You got the weird hat, the patchy beard – you know? I mean, you look like a monster to me!
Villager #1: [ to Head Villager ] Well, maybe you’re the monster!
[ all the villagers join in the chorus ]
Head Villager: [ shakes his head ] I’m not the monster! [ points to Frankenstein’s Monster ] Look at ‘im! He’s got a square head and green skin!
Frankenstein’s Monster: Oh, great – now it’s a racial thing! You know what? You guys are a bunch of fascists! [ villager with a lit torch again step too close ] Seriously, du-ude! Get that fire away from me! [ to the crowd ] Here’s the deal: I’m a cobbler. I make shoes, and I hang out with my kids. You want to lynch me for that – be my guest!
Head Villager: Well, I’m sorry. We – we shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions. We’ll leave you alone.
Frankenstein’s Monster: Uh – how about, apology not accepted, Weird Beard! I mean, let a guy live his life, would you? You know what I mean? I mean, it — [ his arm siddenly falls off and hits the stone steps ] Uhhhhhh —
Crowd: KILL HIM!!!
[ the villagers storm forward ]
[ cut to title graphic ]
Announcer: We’ll be back with more of The Late Night Movie. I swear they haven’t done these things in, like, twenty years..
[ open on Lorne Michaels sitting in a leather chair next to a lamp and endtable ]
Lorne Michaels: Good evening, I’m Lorne Michaels. [ audience applaulds wildly ] Recently, the NBC Television Network has experienced sweeping budget cuts. These cuts have been severe. [ reaches over to pour a glass of brandy from a crystal flask ] And all of us have been forced to make sacrifices. [ drinks, enjoys ] In an effort to conform to thse budget cuts, we have sold the first five minutes of “Saturday Night Live” to a foreign government. These are tough times, we do what we can.
[ the audience cheers prematurely, as the adjacent stage lights go up early and reveal the special guest star. Amidst this cheering, Lorne’s second budget cut barely goes noticed, as a page hands him an overstuffed sandwich. ]
Lorne Michaels: [ to the page ] Thanks. [ as the cheering dies down ] So, now, enjoy this paid address from the Kaka– Kazza– [ laughs ] Kazakhstan Ministry of Information!
[ dissolve to “Kazakhstan Ministry of Information Presents” logo ]
[ cut to Borat standing in front of a “Visit Kazakhstan” poster, with Azamat standing idly in the background ]
Borat: Jagshemash! My name Borat!
[ audience cheers as he performs a silly dance ritual ]
I’m from Kazakhstan! I like you. I like sex! We like, very much, your program, “Saturday Night Lives.” [ motions a pelivc gyration with his hand ] “Schwing?” Yes? [ laughs, turns to look at Azamat, who barely glances back at him ] It means, the same as erect! Also.. also, we laugh on your Coneheads. My brother has a head like a cone. He is retard! We like to laugh on him, too. Why not? He have a brain like a chicken.
American things are very popular in Kazakhstan. Pepsi macs.. hamburger.. baseballs.. and position, B.J. It very convenient – no need to remove wife from cage! [ mimes opening a cage ] We also admires your leader very much – George Walter Bush. And his father, Barbara. I here to make promotions of Kazakhstan. We have glorious industry, fine minerals, and cleanest prostitutes in all of Central Asia. They are much better than Tazakstan’s, whose vir-geens hang loose like sleeve of wizard.
[ Borat turns to translate his joke to Azamat, who laughs briefly before returning to his stoic position ]
Also, we have many natural re-zorses: potassium.. apples.. and human pubis. [ grabs a giant ball of human pubic hair ] This bale took over three women to make. Our pubis is finest in all of world, and can be used for clean pots and pans. [ puts ball of pubic hair down ] This year was a magnificent harvest – in fact my own testes forest has barely grown back.
Also, Kazakhstan best place for raise family. I myself have three sons – Belock, Beram, and Huey Lewis. Schwing? [ bearded boy enters ] This is Belock. He is eleven-years-old. This is his wife. [ young girl carrying baby enters ] She have no name because she girl. And this is their new baby. We are hoping to sell it to your pop star, Madonna. [ audience cheers ] We are ready to change colour of face, if necessary. [ motion kids off of stage, turns to audience ] Schwing? [ does his pelvic thrust dance ]
Kazakhstan also have great movie industry. This.. is Johnny the Monkey. [ Arab trainer enters with costumed monkey on his shoulder. The monkey climbs onto Borat’s shoulder ] He is our most successful actor. He like to dress as Humphrey Bogart. He is children’s favorite, and star of movie film “The Transbilski Express” And over three-hundred other pornos. [ motions monkey and trainer off of stage ]
You must also see my movie film, “Borat”, on November the three. And then visit me in Kazakhstan. You can stay my house, eat our food, and use my sister! She is tight, like a man’s annals! Scwing? [ does his pelvic thrust dance ]
Now – “a-Live, from New York, Home of the Jew, it’s Saturday Night!”
Joe Buck….Jason Sudeikis Tim McCarver….Bill Hader Pamela Bell….Maya Rudolph
[Opens with sports theme music. World Fox Series 2006 logo. An outside shot of a sports stadium]
Joe Buck: Its game five of the World Series here at the new Busch Stadium here in downtown St. Louis and it looks like its just about time to sing the National Anthem.
[Tim And Joe are sitting in their commentators desk. Suit and ties, glasses]
Tim McCarver: That’s right, Joe. And singing tonight is Pamela Bell. Winner of local grocery store Schnucks “Anthem Idol” contest.
Joe Buck: I hear the girl can sing.
Tim McCarver: Well, lets go to the field.
[Cut to Pamela Bell out on the playing field. She has a microphone in her hand. She waves and smiles at the crowd. Crowd applauds.]
Pamela Bell: Oh…Say…Eh…ooh…Eeeeee!!! By the dawn….early li-i-i-i-ight![pause] Da-What…so pro-o-udly, we hai-i-i-ai-ai-ai-iled!![nasal voice]By the twilight’s….[normal voice] last gleaming!
[Tim and Joe are surprised by the horrific rendition of the National Anthem]
Pamela Bell: Da-whose broad stripes and right “ra-a-a-a-ars”![vocalizing] na, nia, nia, nia, nia, nia![forcefully] O’er the “ramrods”… we watched! Na, nia, nia, nia ,nia ,nia. [speaking] and the rockets red glare,[imitates watching bombs in the air] and the bombs bursting up in the air! [rapidly] Gave a little proof! [forcefully]through the ba-night!! [nasal voice]that our flag as still the-e-e-e-ere!
[Tim and Joe are stunned]
Pamela Bell: For its one, two, “knee” strikes you’re ou-u-u-ut! And the ho-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-me!!! [long pause] A-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a–a-a-a-a-a-ave!
[More shocking looks from Tim and Joe back in the studio]
Pamela Bell: The Bra-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a[She moves the microphone around her mouth, vocal sounds fade in and out]a-a-a-ave! B to the “R” to the “A” to the “V” to the “E” Bah-bah-bah-bah-bah-bah-bah [makes like she’s starting a motorcycle] Brr-brr-brr-brr-brr-brr-brr-brr-br-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r! Bra-a-a-a-a-a-ave! Uh!! Thank you! Thank you![waves to the crowd]
Joe Buck: We’ll be right back with game five here in St. Louis.
