Vanessa Bayer
Megan… Aidy Bryant
Janelle… Cecily Strong
[Starts with A Girl’s Halloween intro]
[music playing]
[Cut to Vanessa and Megan dressing up. It’s eight PM
Vanessa: Megan, you look so cute.
Megan: Oh, thanks. Janelle, will you like, fluff the back of my hair? It feels like it’s getting flat.
Janelle: Yeah, yeah. You guys, I love how we’re like, keeping it so chill this year.
Megan: I know.
Vanessa: So, we’re just grabbing dinner and then heading to Ryan’s for a bit?
Megan: Um-hmm.
Janelle: You guys, let’s do a selfie.
Vanessa: Oh, okay.
Janelle: Alright. Smile!
[They take selfies]
Megan: This is gonna be such a fun night.
[Cut to Vanessa, Megan and Janelle drunk at the streets at four AM]
Megan: This night f****n sucks!
Janelle: I gave my credit card to someone and I don’t have it. Who has it?
Vanessa: Please! I need to get pizza.
Megan: Oh! Pizza, bitch!
[Cut back to Vanessa, Megan and Janelle getting ready]
Janelle: Hey, Megan. Will you draw my whiskers? Your’s look like, so good.
Megan: Yes. I did like a little white line underneath for definition.
Vanessa: Oh, that’s so smart.
Janelle: Just like that. That’s what I want mine to look. I’m gonna look so cute.
[Cut to Vanessa, Megan and Janelle drunk at the streets at four AM. All their make ups are messed up.]
Janelle: I’m so ugly.
Megan: Don’s say that.
Janelle: Megan, don’t. You stop coz you have been a bitch to me all night.
Megan: That’s because you wouldn’t wait.
Janelle: No. You said to go, Megan!
[Janelle walks away. She falls down.]
[Cut back to Vanessa, Megan and Janelle getting ready]
Vanessa: Should I paint my nails yellow?
Megan: Oh, yeah. You should do yellow for the cheese.
Janelle: Hey, if you wanna be a cat too, like, I have extra.
Vanessa: Oh, that’s okay. I like being the cheese.
[Cut to Vanessa, Megan and Janelle drunk at the streets at four AM.]
Vanessa: Why did you make me be the cheese? You guys got to be cute. And you made me be the cheese.
[Cut to Megan sitting down at the side of the street, wildly.]
[Cut back to Vanessa, Megan and Janelle getting ready]
Megan: My these shoes are cute. It was so hard to find grey ones that matched.
[Cut to Megan walking alone drunk at the street. She can’t walk properly because of her shoes.]
Megan: Hey guys, please wait. I got it now. Come on. Wait for me. Guys!
[Cut back to Vanessa, Megan and Janelle getting ready]
Janelle: You know what? I think I’m not gonna drink tonight.
Megan: Good idea, Janelle.
Vanessa: That’s so smart, Janelle.
[Cut to Vanessa, Megan and Janelle at the pizza place. Janelle pukes on the pizza.]
Megan: [singing looking at the guys beside them] Oh, babe, what up, baby, you want some of this?
[Bobby walks in]
Bobby: You and your drunk friends got to get out of my restaurant now.
Megan: No, you cannot yell at her.
Bobby: Get out of my store, okay? Before I turn the hose on you.
Megan: Oh, yeah. You would love to do that.
Vanessa: You nasty pervert.
Megan: Pervert!
[Cut to Bobby at eight PM sticking halloween stickers on his restaurant door.]
Bobby: [looking at the stickers and smiling] Spooky!
[Cut to Bobby spraying water on the girls using hose]
Vanessa: What the hell.
Janelle: Oh, my god!
[Cut back to Vanessa, Megan and Janelle getting ready]
Megan: Oh, I look cute.
[Cut to Megan running through the glass door of pizza restaurant breaking it.]
Bobby: Oh my god!
[Cut to Vanessa and Janelle lying on a sofa, still drunk]
Vanessa: That was so fun.
Janelle: Yeah. I’m so glad it was just us girls.
[A guy painted all green is behind them]
The guy: Hey, what about me?
Janelle: Ew, who let that guy in?
[Megan walks in. Her mouth is all green.]
Megan: I have no freaking idea.
[The End]