Brett… Mikey Day
Malcolm… Nick Jonas
Cug… Kyle Mooney
Brinkley… Heidi Gardner
Fresian… Ego Nwodim[Starts with a bunch of young people on a line at the amusement park]
Gate keeper: Alright, next riders, please?
Brett: I’m so glad World of Fun reopened. I thought they were going to have to cancel our junior year trip.
Malcolm: Dude, I still can’t believe you won the stuffed guy from soul.
Cug: [holding a human size stuffed guy] I know. I’ve like, never won the ring toss. My lucky day I guess.
Brett: Also, Brinkley, like, how have you never ridden the Viking Voyager?
Brinkley: I don’t know. I think water’s scary.
Fresian: Oh my god. Me too. I’m like a full baby in the shower.
Malcolm: You know, the Viking Voyager is sick. I’ll protect you.
Fresian: Okay, now shut up.
Cug: Oh, so you two are like, riding together?
Malcolm: Oh, I straight up don’t care.
Brinkley: Oh, we have to pair up for the ride, huh?
Brett: Yeah. How many even is it to, like, a flume?
Cug: I think it’s two max. I think typically guy-girl. But I don’t care.
Brett: Yeah. Well, I feel like Fresian and Malcolm said they’d ride together.
Fresian: Oh, I don’t care. Sure.
Malcolm: Yeah. Like, whatever makes sense to the group. Like, height wise?
Brett: Oh, okay. Well, if it’s height wise, I guess it’s me and Brinkley makes sense?
Brinkley: Yeah. I mean, height wise I feel like that checks out. So then Cug, would you be cool riding with the guy from soul?
Cug: Um, I kind of feel like I rode with him on the last ride and the ride before that. So, I think it makes sense for me to ride with a person or a girl this time. But literally, all I care about is getting wet.
Malcolm: Wait, Brinkley and Brett, didn’t you ride on the Zulu together?
Brett: We did? Did we?
Brinkley: What? I think I either rode alone or with the guy from soul.
Cug: No. Pretty sure Joe Gardner has only ridden with me.
Malcolm: Wait. Who’s Joe Gardner?
Cug: Um, the guy from soul. Yeah. I definitely remember being with him on the Zulu and the Mamba. I don’t care. But if we want to keep it even, I don’t think I should be riding with the guy from soul.
Fresian: Like, hey, I mean, I can ride with you, Cug. Malcolm, you cool to ride with the guy from soul?
Malcolm: Well, isn’t this the one where you like, kind of sit on each other’s laps?
Brinkley: Wait, you do? Like, how does that work?
Brett: I don’t know. I think we have enough time to do like, a demo? Like, just to practice.
Brett: [walks to a boat] Okay. So, I guess, I’ll sit here. And then you’d be between my legs I guess.
Brinkley: Oh, like, you want me to try?
Brett: Yeah. For like, height.
Brinkley: [they sit together] Oh, yeah, height.
Brett: Coz I don’t care. But if–
Cug: I feel like for height, I’d be better behind?
Brinkley: Oh, no. This is good for height.
Malcolm: [to Fresian] Should we–?
Fresian: Demo how to sit? Yeah, sure.
Malcolm: Yeah. Okay. So, I’d be like this.
Fresian: [they sit together] Okay. Yeah.
Malcolm: And then you’d be here. But then, like, what do I do with my arms? Because I don’t want them to get wet.
Fresian: Yeah. I think they’d be like my seatbelt like this. [pulling Malcolm’s hands across her waist]
Brett: Um, we actually didn’t demo that. Should we practice?
Brinkley: Like, for height?
Brett: Yes. For height.
Brett: I guess like this. [Brett just holds Brinkley from the behind]
Brinkley: Cug, would you want to try getting in with the guy from the soul? Like, for height?
Cug: Um, okay.
Malcolm: Alright, all your’s, Cug.
Cug: Thanks. [taking the seat on the boat] So, I guess I’d be back here.
Brinkley: Yeah. And Joe would be in your lap, Cug.
Cug: So, like this?
Malcolm: Yeah. But that doesn’t make sense height wise, Cug.
Brinkley: Yeah. He is taller than you, Cug.
Fresian: Yeah. So, he should be behind you, Cug.
Cug: Okay. So, I’m in his lap?
Brett: Exactly, Cug.
Cug: Okay. [he puts the stuffed guy behind and he sits up front.] So, let me just get him around. So, it it like this?
Brinkley: Yeah, Cug.
Malcolm: Yeah. Then his arms are like a seatbelt, Cug.
Cug: Oh, okay. So, like this?
Brinkley: Yes. Are you comfortable, Cug?
Cug: I guess. But, I don’t want to hug the guy from soul. If someone else wants to take a spin? Soul guy going once, going twice,
All: No. No, pass.
Gate keeper: All parties here, folks?
All: Yes. Here we go.
Gate keeper: Have fun, Cug.
Cug: It’s Robert. I don’t know why they keep calling me that.