Martin Hamill… Larry David
Doug… Mikey Day
Kenan[Starts with Cecily speaking]
Cecily: Welcome to the ad council’s annual awards dinner. And judging by the bar tab, you are enjoying yourselves. Tonight, we are proud to present the AC Anderson Lifetime Achievement award in advertising to a man who let us know that when it came to McDonald’s, we’re loving it. And asked that famous question, got milk? I’m speaking of course about Martin Hamill.[applause]
Martin Hamill: Thank you. Thank you. It’s a tremendous honor to be here.
Cecily: After dinner, we’ll take a look at some of the amazing ad campaigns he created. But before we eat, we thought we could look at some of his earlier works. He got his start by creating a series of public service announcements in the early 80s known as the smart choices campaign that warned teens about the dangers of drugs, alcohol and other issues.
Martin Hamill: Wow, you guys really did your research. Yeah, I was really proud of those. We helped a lot of kids.
Cecily: Let’s take a look now at a few of those ground breaking PSAs.[Cut to the ad video. Beck is smoking a cigarette while Doug walks in]
Beck: Hey, Doug. You want a cigarette? [Doug looks away] Oh, come on! Don’t be a baby. It’s cool. Try it.
Doug: Smoking? No way! That’s gay![Doug pushes Beck and walks away]
Female voice: If someone pressures you to smoke, just say, “No way, that’s gay.”[Cut to Martin Hamill]
Martin Hamill: Hah! I had forgot about the tag line on that. You know, it was a different time. The word gay was very common with kids. It just kind of meant bad. You know, that hat is gay. Your car is gay. School’s gay. You guys understand what I’m talking about, right?[Cut to the public. They’re shaking their heads no.] [Cut to Cecily and Martin Hamill]
Cecily: Well, after you encouraged young people to say, “No way, that’s gay”–
Martin Hamill: You don’t have to put it like that.
Cecily: You warned them about the dangers of bullying. Let’s take a look.[Cut to the ad video. Doug and Alex are laughing. Alex is on a wheelchair. Luke walks in.]
Luke: Doug? [pointing at Alex] Why are you hanging out with him? He can’t even walk.
Doug: Yeah? Well, I can. And I’m walking away… from you.
Alex: Actually, let’s roll.[Doug pushes Alex’s wheelchair and they leave]
Female voice: Making fun of someone with disability is retarded.[Cut to Martin Hamill]
Martin Hamill: Okay, um, obviously the ending doesn’t hold up. That word again. It was very common. Hey! Should we eat? Let’s eat.[Cut to Cecily and Martin Hamill]
Cecily: You know, the dinner isn’t quite ready yet, I’m afraid. We were going to show the anti-drinking PSA with the interracial couple. But if you’d rather wait for the food–
Martin Hamill: No, no, no. That’s great. The interracial couple. Yes. That’s a good one. Play that one.[Cut to the ad video. Doug wakes up with a hangover.]
Doug: OH! I drank so much last night. I’m so hungover.[Kenan wakes up by his side. He is a black male person.]
Kenan: Ooh, me too!
Female voice: When you drink, your chances of making a good decision are smaller than a midget.[Cut to Martin Hamill and Chris. Chris is a black person sitting beside Martin Hamill who is staring at him. The crowd is booing.]
Martin Hamill: I’m feeling very– I’m feeling very sick. Very sick. I need to go. [to Chris] Call an ambulance.
Chris: You’re not sick. Shame on you.[Chris leaves] [Cut to Cecily and Martin Hamill]
Martin Hamill: Come on! Can we see some of my more recent work?
Cecily: Yes, yes. With pleasure. Your first big commercial campaign paired a beloved snack with a beloved entertainer. I’m speaking of course about Jello and your good friend, Bill Cosby. Let’s take a look.[The End]