Molly… Melissa Villaseñor
Curtis… Andrew Dismukes
Aidy Bryant[Starts with Molly giving her presentation in school]
Molly: And with that extra floor, we can have extra classrooms and another gym.
Mikey: Okay, thank you Molly for that presentation on why our school should be taller. We’ll definitely think about it. Alright, we have one final performance in our assembly here today. Now sadly, the magician that was going to tech you about the dangers of J Walking couldn’t make it.
Mikey: I know, but we’re very lucky that an amazing backup was available instead. They are a feminist theater ensemble that performas feminist monologues at 11 PM at an underground book store that serves moscato. I wouldn’t take you to that show, but I invited them to do an age appropriate version for you guys and we are thrilled. So, without further due, Fembox.[Fembox walk in. They are three.]
Regina: Hot and wet, my source of life
Soft place to land for his member
my elbow blossom
hairy and magical
touching my elbow at night
my elbow is my own
I only have one elbow
Molly: She only has one elbow?
Mikey: Oh god!
Kate: What’s with kids these days? Waxing their elbows?
In my day, we didn’t even know what an elbow was till our wedding night
and then you felt, “Wow, that thing’s got a mind of it’s own
Curtis: They’re talking about their elbows but they’re pointing to their laps.
Aidy: Ay, tough girls got elbows too, okay?
Mine’s like a chevy bel air
it’s got a glaze on it like a creme donut
smells like WD-40
and you know what? You know who loved it?
every man I ever met
Heidi: [to Mikey] I thought you said they could change their material.
Mikey: I guess they changed it as little as humanly possible.
Regina: Our elbows, they birth our babies, they please our men, they gush the blood of life
Curtis: Do they?
Regina: Secret powers between my thighs,
my charisma, my juice, my joy, my fruit,
my secret South Carolina, my beautiful elbow
Chris: That ain’t even rhyme. These old ladies are messed up.
Kate: For the longest time, I was afraid to look at my elbow in the mirror
the other day, I decided to do it, just off the cobwebs
I thought, “Wow, this thing’s huge. And you know what? It ain’t half bad.”
Molly: My mom has big elbows too.
Heidi: That’s great, Molly.
Aidy: 1978, once I find my elbow, I was rubbing it against everything.
The bus, the sofa, air conditioners and every pillow in Poughkeepsie. Hey, hey, hey.
Mikey: Oh my god, they’re not even trying.
Curtis: Do I have a bad elbow?
Heidi: Yeah, I’m not sure this applies to you, Curtis.
Curtis: Yeah, I’m kidding. I figured out what they’re talking about.
Regina: Why do we come up with other names just to avoid saying ‘Elbow’?
Gash, critter, slit, see you next Tuesday
Heidi: That’s so much worse.
Curtis: [giggling] Critter.
Heidi: We’re not going to pay them, right?
Mikey: No, they didn’t ask for our money. Just to use our library. None of them have printers.
Kate: I love my elbow just the way god gave it to me.
Heidi: That’s actually a pretty good message.
Kate: I told my husband, “Look, this is the elbow you married, this is the elbow you’re going to get. And it’s not like you’re going to win any prizes for your four inch flaccid dong.
Heidi: Yeah, never mind.
Mikey: It’s fine. The parents actually had no problem with the penis content.
Aidy: Everybody in this room, you either have an elbow or you came from an elbow.
Regina: Whether your’s is big or small.
Kate: A grilled cheese or a sloppy Joanne.
Aidy: It’s about confidence.
Regina, Kate and Aidy: Confidence.
Aidy: Coz when you love yourself…
Regina: That’s right.
Aidy: You’re going to be surrounded by love.
Kate: You sure are.
Aidy: You are going to have love…
Regina, Kate and Aidy: Up to your vaginas.[Mikey runs in]
Mikey: Okay. We are done. Sorry, guys. That was not appropriate at all.
Chris: That was actually pretty empowering.
Students: [cheering] Elbows! Elbows! Elbows!