Treese Hinderson… Kenan Thompson
Larry Fontanelle… Ryan Gosling
Raj… Kyle Mooney
Dirtrisha… Leslie Jones[Starts with Treese and his band playing in a bar]
Treese: [singing] And that’s what she had all of the stuff in her hands, oh yeah, mmm.
Yes. Beautiful. [The audience at the bar are clapping] Hello and thank you for spending your Sunday with us at Mickey’s End Zone. This is about football, right? We’re just warming you up for the football game that will play on a tiny television that is located directly behind us at the level of our middle backs. But we will move, right? We will move.
Larry: We will move. We will move at one point.
Treese: That’s right. At one point, we will be moving.
Larry: We’re gonna move.
Treese: And then, you can watch your heavenly Cardinals trying to outsizzle your Niner fours. Yes. [Treese picks the TV remote and turns the TV off] A little later. But right now, [Cut to Treese] is there a tiny tissue? Does anyone have a tiny little tissue or a towelette perhaps? I have to admit that I ran all the way here.[Cut to Treese and Larry]
Larry: From where, my man?
Treese: Dirtrisha’s house. She tried to show me a part of herself that I was not ready to receive.
Larry: I have just found a Kleenex.
Treese: Oh, nice.
Larry: Here you go. [passing Treese the tissue]
Treese: Oh, great! Thank you very much. Let’s hit it![drums rolling and music playing] [singing] Twiggle do twee
football do twoe
I wonder who’s going to Kaepernick take a knee
Hello, everyone. I am Treese Hinderson. Allow me to introduce you to my band. To my immediate left and on the keyboard is Raj.[Cut to Raj]
Raj: This keyboard is a wild animal tonight. [playing keyboard solo] Yeah![Cut to Treese, Larry and Raj]
Treese: And on my right, Mr. Larry Fontanelle on his rock n’ roll flute.[Cut to Larry. He is playing flute horribly.]
Larry: Thank you. Yes. [Cut to Treese and Larry] Thank you for calling it a rock n’ roll flute. It’s not just a flute. It’s deeper than that.
Treese: Oh, I know it is. I remember the first time I called it just a flute and you kicked me directly in my underbags.
Larry: I felt them on the top of my shoes.
Treese: Yes. Hey, real quick. Is that girl that you are dealing with still being problematic?
Larry: Let’s not go there. Not here.
Treese: Well, I think it would be good for you to talk about it.
Larry: But I have been advised not to.
Treese: Oh, so they’re planning to investigate further?
Treese: The attorneys?
Larry: that’s how they introduced themselves. Yes.
Treese: Because the husband found out?
Larry: There’s more to it than that.
Treese: Well, what does that mean? There was one husband, and extra dude, and you?[Cut to Raj]
Raj: Just let the man be, Treese.[Cut to Treese and Larry]
Larry: Yeah. I don’t wanna talk about it here.
Treese: Oh, you are a mystery just like Daniel Craig.[drums rolling and music playing] [singing] Twiggle do twee
football do twoe
make sure the grass is dry before you take a knee
Whoo! Whoa, look at this lovely couple down front here. How are you guys feeling?[cut to Beck and Heidi]
Beck: Just curious about what happened with your rock n’ roll flutist.
Heidi: Yeah. I’d love to hear more about what’s going on with that guy.[Cut to Treese and Larry]
Treese: I know, right? You would think that as his roommate, he would share more of what’s going on with his life with me.
Larry: Ask me in private and I’ll tell you.
Treese: Well, I never see you in private. You just go right into your room.[Cut to Raj]
Raj: Leave him alone, Treese.[Cut to Treese and Larry]
Treese: Well, I mean, is she preggo? You know? Full with child? PG? Is she PG? Because if she’s PG, I would like to make you both a little something from build a bear.[phone ringing]
Larry: My phone. Sorry. I have to answer this. Hello.
Treese: Who is it?
Larry: [speaking on phone] Yes, officer.
Treese: Officer? Well, that’s either the police or the military. Is it the police?
Larry: [speaking on phone] Yes, that’s where I live.
Treese: Well, I do too. I mean your roommate.
Larry: [speaking on phone] What do you mean the broken window?
Treese: What window? Was it in the front room? Did they access the common area?
Larry: [to Treese] Will you shut up for a second? [speaking on phone] Uh-huh. So they sacked the place?
Treese: Sacked? Did they get my good jeans?
Larry: [speaking on phone] I’m sorry. What was that?
Treese: Are they there now? Ask them if anyone has seen my good jeans.
Larry: [to Treese] Can you calm down, man?
Treese: But these are my good dark jeans. I can wear them with my big tops. Ask about the jeans.
Larry: [speaking on phone] I’m sorry, but did you happen to see any jeans?
Treese: Good jeans.
Larry: No, good jeans lying around. Okay, I see. Thank you. [hangs up the phone]
Treese: What did they say about my jeans?
Larry: They didn’t see any good ones there.
Treese: Oh, it must be that girl’s husband that you are in love web with. They took my good jeans.[drums rolling and music playing] [singing] Twiggle do twee
football do twoe
taking the knee but not in my good dark jeans [Cut to Dirtrisha in the audience. She is holding the jeans Treese is talking about.]
Dirtrisha: [yelling] Treese![Cut to Treese]
Treese: Dirtrisha, what are you doing here?[Cut to Dirtrisha]
Dirtrisha: Look what I got, your favorite thing in the world.[Cut to Treese]
Treese: Dirtrisha, it was you? You have my good jeans?[Cut to Dirtrisha]
Dirtrisha: Nobody runs out on me. [Dirtrisha tears the jeans apart] [Cut to Treese]
Treese: Ah! Oh, my good dark jeans.[drums rolling and music playing] [singing] Twiggle do twee
football do twoe
football knees get down on the football screen
Enjoy the game, everyone. [The power cuts] And we just lost power. Perfect! Okay, perfect.