Bowen Yang[Starts with a man riding a motorcycle towards a castle.]
Mikey Day: Is this Downton Abbey?
Beck Bennett: Yes.
Mikey Day: A letter.[Beck Bennett opens the letter and gets shocked]
Beck Bennett: Wow.[Cut to Alex Moffat reading the letter]
Alex Moffat: The kind and queen are coming Downtown.
Cecily Strong: Here? But this is a castle.
Kate McKinnon: Well, we’ll never pull this off.
Narrator: The beloved television show is now a feature film. And it’s mostly cleaning.
Beck Bennett: We only have 80 servants. Butlers, underbutlers and valets. It’ll never get done in time.
Aidy Bryant: How long do we have?
Beck Bennett: A year and a half.
Narrator: Were the stakes in the show always this low? I guess they were.
Woman: Your hair is so modern.
Cecily Strong: Do you like it?
Woman: Yes. “Exciting for the people who like the show”, raves the “Boston Globe”.
Bowen Yang: Miss, we found mud.
Cecily Strong: Where?
Bowen Yang: At the bottom of the lake.
Alex Moffat: Good. That’s where mud goes.
Narrator: “I absolutely love this film”, say all moms.
Cecily Strong: I need your help.
Beck Bennett: No–
Cecily Strong: Hah?
Beck Bennett: Problem.
Narrator: “So soothing I was on the back of my seat”.
Aidy Bryant: We’ll serve bread. Long breads. Butter. Chicken meat. Slurpers. Nibbles. Little bad cakes. Twice murdered pigs. And of course Chicago style deep dish pizza.
Narrator: “Feels like watching the sun set on white people as a whole”.
Woman: I’m happy.
Cecily Strong: Blimey.
Beck Bennett: Blimey.
Alex Moffat: Your majesties. Welcome to Downton Abbey.
Narrator: This has been an ad for ‘The Joker’. It’s not perfect but at least stuff happens. In theatres now.