Colin Jost
Mike Lindell… Beck Bennett
[Starts with Colin Jost in his set]
Colin Jost: Twitter continued its crack down on voter fraud misinformation by banning Mike Lindell, the CEO of My Pillow and vocal supporter of president Trump. Here to comment is Mike Lindell.
[Mike Lindell slides in with a pillow in his hands]
Mike Lindell: Hello, hey. Thanks there, Colin. Yes, it’s me, Mike Lindell, the inventor of My Pillow. And thank you all so much for making My Pillow the number one pillow in America.
Colin Jost: Right. Yes. Mike, so you were just banned from Twitter for spreading all this voter fraud lies that inspired the insurrectionists.
Mike Lindell: Well, hold on there, buckle! I didn’t inspire no insurrection nobody. I’m just a normal American ex crack addict turned Pillow CEO and advisor of the former president.
Colin Jost: Yeah. Well, speaking of that, can we talk about how your photograph on your way to meet Trump with documents about martial law?
Mike Lindell: Oh, no, no, Colin. That was just a standard pillow meeting. Nothing to do with martial law at all. I just suggested the military overthrow the government. Look, if that’s not democracy, I don’t know what is.
Colin Jost: Yeah, I think you might just not know what it is.
Mike Lindell: Yeah, that may be. But hey, I’m not a politics guy. I’m a pillow guy. Before My Pillow, I tried sleeping on everything. Dirt, cement, old man’s lap. But I tell you what set My Pillow apart. It has fantastic political ideas.
Colin Jost: Hold on. So, you talk to your My Pillow?
Mike Lindell: No. I listen. Shh! He’s awake. What’s that My Pillow? Uh-huh. Really? Wow! My Pillow said Dominion overran the voting machine algorithms.
Colin Jost: What?
Mike Lindell: Yeah. So China could swing in for Biden, with Hugo Chavez, Kim Jong-Un and Crissy Teigen.
Colin Jost: Oh my god. Dude, you are all over the place.
Mike Lindell: No, you’re on crack again.
Colin Jost: Dude, Dominion is threatening to sue you and now Kohl’s Bed Bath and Beyond, they’re pulling My Pillows from the store. Doesn’t that bother you?
Mike Lindell: Not at all Colin, because you can always buy my book. “What are the odds? From crack addict to CEO.” In fact, I’d like to read a passage right now. [clears his throat] There I was, faced down in the middle of a Mexican street… again. As out, no clue where I was. But hey, that’s Mexico for you. That’s when I saw him. A pillow, alone and shivering on a side of the road. He seemed lost. He wasn’t the only one. [pointing at himself] So, we made a pact. We get sober, return to the Unites States of America and create the best pillow company ever after one final fiesta. So, we went nuts. We’re talking two peso whores and a truck load of crack just for me and my pillow. Well, that night was a year. The end.
Colin Jost: That’s the end of your book?
Mike Lindell: Yeah. I don’t know. My brain’s on fire.
Colin Jost: Mike Lindell, everyone.
Mike Lindell: Look, Jane Krakowski’s obsessed with me.