Mackenzie… Ryan Gosling
Farmer… Kenan Thompson[Starts with two police officers looking for a criminal]
Beck: We know you’re in here, Mackenzie.
Alex: Come out, you bank robbing son of a bitch.
Beck: Nothing. Just a bunch of hay, cobwebs and this lonely, lonely hen.[Cut to Hen. She is a chicken] [Cut to all]
Alex: [to the chicken] Have you seen anyone around here, hen? We’re looking for a fugitive.
Hen: Uh, who me? Oh, I haven’t seen a thing.[Cut to Beck and Alex]
Beck: Alright, big help, chicken. Let’s check the gas station down the road.[Cut to Hen]
Hen: Good luck, boys. Buk-buk-buk-buk-buk-buk.[The policemen walk out. Mackenzie comes in.]
Mackenzie: oh, babe. You played them like a fiddle. Oh, I told you you were a star.
Hen: Oh, you make me feel like a star, Freddy.
Mackenzie: Good luck, boys. Oh baby, how do you come up with this stuff?
Hen: Oh! You’re a flirt. I can’t believe you are taking me to Spain.
Mackenzie: Where? Oh, yeah, Spain. You better believe it, baby. And as long as the cops stay out of my business, it will just be you and me and Sangria and Paella from here on out.
Hen: And corn, right?
Mackenzie: Oh, sure. Little glistening loose kernels of corn like yellow diamonds as far as the eye can see.
Hen: Oh. I can’t believe I’m trading a barn for Barcelona.
Mackenzie: Alright, that’s enough for tonight. I’ll hit the lights and we’ll get some shut eye. [walking away and talking to himself] Come on, Freddy. What are you doing? She’s a chicken. You’re a lone wolf. You use them and you leave them. But what if she’s the one? Oh, stop.
Hen: Oh, Freddie, you called the airline, right? Ask them if you can bring a hen on the plane with her eggs?
Mackenzie: Oh, yeah. Those airline people, they even have the egg heaters on first class.
Hen: Oh, you got me going. Come on here.[Hen and Mackenzie are about to kiss] [door knocking] [Beck and Alex walk in again]
Beck: Alright. Listen up, chicken. We found the crooks bandanna outside. Are you sure you haven’t seen anyone?
Hen: Why would I lie?
Alex: Ah! Let’s go search at his wife’s place.[Cut to Hen]
Hen: Oh? I’m sorry. You are going to go where?[Cut to Beck and Alex]
Beck: At his wife’s. A beautiful woman. Long legs, soft kissable lips. Two arms with hands. Everything a fellow could want.[Cut to Hen]
Hen: Oh. One other thing. Are there egg heaters on airplanes?
Beck: [laughing] No.
Hen: Not even in first class?[Cut to Beck and Alex]
Beck: Chickens can’t go on planes. Sorry sweetheart.[Cut to Hen]
Hen: I see. [sad music playing] [Hen is crying] [Beck and Alex walk out and Mackenzie comes in]
Mackenzie: Now, Henny, you look at me. You look at me, Henny. You can’t listen to them.
Hen: You lied. You lied about everything. You even said you didn’t have a gun. Oh, what’s this? There, I got it. Oh! [Hen pulls out a gun out of Hen’s pocket]
Mackenzie: Careful! That’s a gun, Henrietta.
Hen: Oh, you think I don’t know anything coz I fumble with my wings. Well, you took me for a fool.
Mackenzie: Listen, yes. I did use you. And I am still married. And I am a criminal and I’m terrified of prison. But dammit, I have grown to love you.[Farmer walks in]
Farmer: Hey, you done with that scarf yet? [looks at Mackenzie] Oh, man, who’s this?[gun shot. Hen shoots Farmer.]
Oh! Henrietta, why?[Farmer falls down] [Beck and Alex walk in]
Beck: The farmer’s been shot.
Alex: And the hen’s holding the gun.
Beck: Put down the ross-co, hen. You’re coming to jail.[Mackenzie walks in]
Mackenzie: No! You leave her alone. You leave her out of this. I shot that farmer.
Mackenzie: Don’t listen to her. I’m just a big stupid little fool.
Alex: Why did you shoot him?[Mackenzie looks at Hen]
Mackenzie: I did it for someone I love.[Beck puts Mackenzie in handcuffs]
Hen: I love you.[20 years later] [Mackenzie walks out of jail. Hen is waiting for him.]
Mackenzie: Where to, Señorita?
Hen: Barcelona.[Hen and Mackenzie kiss]