Jeena… Venessa Bayer
Doug… Ryan Gosling
David… Beck Bennett
Kenan Thompson[Starts with a holiday party]
Jeena: Thank you so much for inviting Doug and I to your holiday party.
Doug: Christmas is our favorite time of year but since we’re new to the city, we weren’t sure who we were gonna spend it with. You know? I mean, besides Santa.[Cut to Aidy]
Aidy: Well, welcome to the neighborhood and thank you so much for this Christmas cookies.[Cut to Jeena and Doug]
Jeena: Uh-uh! Those are for Santa.[Cut to David]
David: Oh, too bad we’re out of milk. He’s gonna have to settle for bourbon instead. [laughing] [Cut to Jeena and Doug]
Doug: Santa doesn’t drink. He’s got to drive a sleigh.
Jeena: You’re so smart, sweetie.[Aidy and David are speechless] [Son walks in]
Son: Is Santa coming soon?
David: I’ll tell you what, bud, I’m gonna go up there in couple of minutes and see if he’s ready to come down and talk to the kids.[Cut to Jeena and Doug]
Doug: He’s upstairs? [clears throat] Well, we very much would like to meet him.[Cut to David and Son]
David: Ah![Cut to Kenan]
Kenan: Well, anyway, Cindy and I drove up to Yosemite last month.[Cut to Aidy]
Aidy: Oh, gosh, that must have been gorgeous.[Cut to Jeena and Doug]
Jeena: Um, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Is Santa here? Yes or no?[Cut to David and Son]
David: Ah, I mean yes, he usually makes an appearance.[Cut to Jeena and Doug]
Jeena: He’s here, baby.
Doug: I love you so much.
Jeena: I love you so much and he’s here.[Cut to everybody. Jeena and Doug start kissing.]
Yeah, you mean Santa baby.
Doug: I love you.[Jeena and Doug start getting intimate]
Aidy: Okay![Aidy takes their son away] [Doug walks to David]
Doug: David, now I know you don’t know us very well. We’re just new to this neighborhood. But I promise you we won’t let you down on this. Okay? You can trust us on this.
David: I don’t know what you think is going on here tonight. But, you’re not gonna meet the real Santa.[Doug looks at Jeena. She is shaking her head no.]
Doug: No.[Jeena slowly lies on the sofa]
Doug: Can’t do that, David. I cannot in good conscience pass on a opportunity to thank that beautiful man for bringing me presents every Christmas until my parents left at a very young age.[Cut to Jeena. She is now putting her legs over the sofa looking all comfortable.]
Jeena: I wanna meed Rudolf.[Cut to David]
David: Rudolf isn’t here, Jeena.[Doug bangs the table with a Christmas umbrella] [Everybody is looking at Doug]
Doug: Then how the [bleep] did Santa get here, David?
David: Guys, just relax.
Doug: David, use your head. I don’t know why you’re doing what you’re doing, David. Do you think that me and my baby aren’t good enough to meet Santa? Is that what you think David?
David: No. No. I don’t. You’re good enough.
Doug: Here’s what we’re gonna do. Everybody’s gonna stay where they are and we’re gonna go upstairs and you’re gonna get that beautiful ancient man and you’re gonna bring him down, okay?
David: I don’t understand what you want me to do.
Doug: [yelling] Go get Santa!
David: Okay! Okay!
Jeena: I’m meeting Santa, baby!
Jeena: I love you. I love you so much baby.[Jeena and Doug start getting intimate again] [Cut to Kenan]
Kenan: Well, happy holidays everybody. I have to go, beat the traffic.[Cut to Doug]
Doug: Wow, wow, wow, wow. Sit down. Sit down. Why is everybody so tense? It’s a party. Right? Baby, give me some music.
Jeena: Okay, baby.[music playing] [Jeena and Doug start dancing on the table] [everybody is looking at Jeena and Doug]
Doug: What happened?
Jeena: I’m scared.
Doug: [whispering] I’m scared too.[Cut to David walking down the stairs dressed up as Santa.]
Doug: It is you![Doug hugs Santa.]
You look good, bud. You lost weight.
Jeena: Baby, I wanna sit on Santa’s lap.
Doug: Get me a chair![Jeena puts a chair before David]
Have a seat buddy.[David sits down. Jeena sits on David’s lap erotically.]
You tell him what you want for Christmas baby.
Jeena: Okay. [Jeena whispers on David’s ear] Cuisinart.[Cut to David crying out of fear]
Doug: I want a picture, you guys. Smile.
David: Okay.[Cut to real Santa peeking from the window. He runs away.]
Doug: Merry Christmas Santa.
David: [low voice] Merry Christmas.
Doug: Say it like you mean it.[The End]